


Queen and Lionheart

by KayCorson



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-29 01:06:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 51,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3876598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayCorson/pseuds/KayCorson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With Corypheus defeated and the Inquisition a power force in Thedas, Trevelyan and Cullen try to find a balance between Inquisitor & Commander and Husband & Wife. We find Trevelyan reminiscing on the ups and downs of her relationship with Cullen, and the eventual downfall of them both. Armed with her mage friends, can Trevelyan rewrite history and save the love of her life and herself?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Arrival

**Author's Note:**

> Note 1: I have intentionally not given a first name to the Inquisitor. I wanted to try to make the story feel personal for anyone that reads it, so that you can try to picture your Inquisitor and not one that I created.
> 
> Note 2: I started this fic before the Trespasser DLC came out, so I'm ignoring all the events that transpired.
> 
> Note 3: My tumblr can be found here: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/kaylaoldridgecorson
> 
> Note 4: I created a Spotify playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/124911802/playlist/0y9tjQtrBvEZJWgxgEVD4H  
> If you have any suggestions for songs, please let me know and I will add them.

Would I have followed the same course of events if I knew then what I know now? I ask myself that question every morning as I lie in my empty bed, dreading to face another day in Skyhold. It was a chilly morning, chillier than usual this close to Summerday. The snowcapped peaks of the Frostbacks that lay at my feet had not seen a severe snowstorm in weeks. The Inquisition stayed strong, even after Corypheus was defeated over a year ago. King Alistair and Empress Celene both offered me spots on their personal counsel, and I begrudgingly accepted at the urging of Josephine. “A great way to keep the Inquisition in the minds and hearts of Thedas,” she had explained when I first refused. It was on mornings like these, when my nightmare fueled sleep made me think otherwise. I was useless to everyone, especially myself.  
I rolled onto my side and wrapped the rich, red velvet throw over my shoulder, keeping away the chill that went down into my bones. The sun was just starting to peek over the mountain tops, causing streaks of color to illuminate my room from the stained glass windows. A steaming cup of tea was carefully placed on the bedside table and the aromatic smell wafted up to my nose. I smiled, sitting up quickly and wrapping my fingers around the cup, the warm liquid went welcomely down my palette. Just enough sugar and milk to outweigh the bitterness of the tea that the kitchen maids brewed, Dorian must have made this cup for me.  
On the quiet mornings, such as this one, I thought back on the adventures that lead me to the Inquisition. What if I had supported the Templars instead of the Mages? What if I chose Hawke over Stroud? Who was I to choose one life or another? Cassandra, Leliana, Josephine, and Cullen had put so much hope, strength, and confidence into me and they hardly knew me at the time. Did they leave the hard choices up to me because they didn’t want to feel responsible for the consequences? Or, did they truly believe in me and what I had become...The Inquisitor. I have asked Cassandra on several occasions and she would just smile and pat my shoulder, not taking heed to my own self destruction. 

I had lost some of my companions over the year since Corypheus’ death, but most stayed on with the Inquisition, taking up roles as ambassadors or trainers for new recruits. Blackwall went off to join the Grey Wardens, as he agreed. He stopped by on a few occasions when the Wardens permitted, but often I did not hear from him, save a letter here and there.  
Sera went back to The Red Jenny, causing mischief throughout Orlais. She sent information my way when she thought it was something big enough for the Inquisition to look into.  
Varric went back to Kirkwall not long after our win. He missed Hawke, and I think Bartrand as well, but he’d send signed copies of the books he wrote about our adventure. I was even depicted as a scantily clad heroine on a cover of one.  
Leliana was able to sneak away from her duties as The Divine in Val Royeaux only once, and only as The Divine. Her visit was spread across Thedas and the whole event was far too formal for either of us. Sometimes she’ll send a raven with stories from Val Royeaux, but they don’t come as often as before.

A sudden rapping knock at the door intruded my silent moment in thought, whoever it was came in without word. They usually did. Dorian appeared at the top of the stairs, resting an elbow on the banister and casually crossing one leg over the other.  
“Rise and shine!” he sing-songed. “Time for the Quizzy to see to her daily duties!”  
I nodded in reply, taking in the last drops of the tea as I got up from the warmth of the bed and walked into the closet.  
“There’s someone here to see you,” he continued in routine, as he did every morning, giving me a wrap up of the days events. Dorian became my personal assistant of sorts. He made sure I was up, presentable, and fed...even if I didn’t want to be.  
“There’s always someone here to see me.”  
“Ah, true, but this one you’ll want to see.”  
The sound of his voice made me take pause. I quickly threw my shirt over my head and walked back out into the bedroom. “Who is it?” I asked cautiously.  
“It’s a surprise!”  
“I hate surprises.”  
“You’ll not hate this one.”  
I eyed Dorian carefully and he grinned at me.  
“What?” he asked, innocently.  
“What are you keeping from me?”  
“Why would I be keeping something from you?”  
“Because everyone usually does.”  
He threw back his head and laughed.  
Going back to the closet, I racked my brain with who the mystery visitor could be. I had made so many friends, enemies, and acquaintances through the Inquisition, it could be any one. I slipped into my shoes and smoothed out my hair as best I could. Dorian was bent over the bed, putting the blankets and pillows back in their proper place when I walked back into the room.  
“You don’t have to do that.”  
“Don’t worry,” he smoothed out a crease in the blanket, smiled up at me, and straightened up. “I’m done anyways. Easy.”  
“I’m not glass, you know.”  
“I know, dear. You are a perfectly strong and capable woman who can kick my arse all the back to Tevintor in one swoop. But, I don’t mind,” he hugged me gently and patted my hair.  
I took the comfort and warm contact with a smile.  
“Now,” he said, grabbing me by the shoulders and holding me out in front of him in study. “You’re not going down there like that.”  
“What do you mean? I always dress like this.”  
“That is exactly my point.”

By the time I reached the main hall, I was in layers of ruffles, chiffon, and a high neck laced collar. I eyed Dorian with a mixture of hate and humor, and he stared back laughing quietly to himself in the corner of the hall.  
I looked around the room before taking a seat in the slightly worn golden chair. The dalish inspired stained glass behind me made the room brightly colored as the faces of the onlookers looked cheery.  
“Lady Inquisitor,” Josephine started, taking a small bow. “May I present to you the prince of Starkhaven, Sebastian Vael.”  
His blue eyes pierced into mine, making me take an uneven breath. He bowed before me, his armor all in white and trimmed in gold. He took the appearance of prince to heart. “My lady, it is nice to finally meet you in person.”  
“I...I...yes, it is Prince Sebastian.” My eyes flickered to Dorian, who was now laughing maniacally.  
“Sebastian, please.”  
I smiled and nodded in reply, trying to keep a furrowed brow off my face. “What may we do for you?” I finally asked as soon as my breathing evened out.  
“I think it’s what I can do for you,” he said with a bright smile.

 

“Who invited him?” I asked, eyeing my companions in the war room. The afternoon sun was shining high and the room warmed to an almost uncomfortable temperature. Dorian handed me a glass of water when he noticed my face was reddening, and not just from anger.  
“Don’t look at me, boss,” Bull was shrinking down at my glare.  
“Josephine?” My eyes darted to her.  
“It wasn’t me. I thought it was you.”  
“It was me,” Cassandra spoke clearly, taking a step closer to the table.  
All heads in the room turned in unison to the Pentaghast heir.  
“Why?” I asked, trying to reign in my temper.  
“Starkhaven would be a good ally to have. They are the largest city in the Free Marches. We tried to ally once before when Sebastian asked for our help to occupy Kirkwall, but we pushed his forces back from the city. We can try to repave our friendship with them.”  
“To help occupy another city?”  
She was silent as she chose her words carefully. “Not exactly.”  
I cocked my head and looked to my friend in question. “Then how, exactly?” I asked, slowly.  
“Er, well…”  
Josephine gasped, startling me. “You didn’t!”  
“Not intentionally.”  
“Uh, boss, you can let go of the table,” Bull interrupted my quiet onlooking of the scene before me. I hadn’t noticed that I was gripping the table so hard that my knuckles turned white. Bull came over and loosened my grasp from the wood before I left permanent damage. I clenched and unclenched my hands repeatedly, trying to shake the soreness.  
Clearing my throat and taking a deep breath, I finally spoke. “What exactly did you do, Cassandra?”  
She cleared her throat as well and jerked her eyes between me and Bull, I assume to let him know that he’ll need to hold onto me before I leap at her. I felt his gigantic presence loom behind me and I caught a glimpse of Dorian from the side of my eye. “I...well...I might have offered your hand to Sebastian.”  
“YOU WHAT?!” I exploded, trying to leap over the table, but the ridiculous dress I was wearing, and Bulls grasp, prevented me from doing so.  
“I thought…”  
“You thought what? That I’d be happy? How could you possibly think that?”  
“It’s just that…”  
“After everything I’ve been through, after…” I stopped, taking a deep breath, not able to let his name leave my lips.  
“You’re lucky The Inquisitor is not a mage, Cassandra. You would have had a fireball thrown at your head by now,” Dorian tried to break the heated energy in the room.  
Cassandra sighed heavily, “I didn’t mean for this to happen, for any of this. I am sorry.”  
The tears that streamed down my face heated my cooling cheeks and I wiped them away with the ridiculously fluffy sleeve of the dress I was in. Taking a deep breath to calm my nerves and even my voice, I spoke softly. “If you want to repave our friendship with Starkhaven, then maybe you should marry Sebastian.”


	2. A Proposal

The bedroom was still dark when I finally awoke again. After the events of the early afternoon, I had gone straight to bed, wrapping the velvet blankets over my head, not wanting to face reality. I swallowed, trying to wet my dry throat with no luck. An iron pitcher and wooden cup were placed on my nightstand, I assume by Dorian who somehow knew exactly what I needed when I needed it. I thanked the Maker quietly for sending me the Tevintor mage. Sitting up, I stretched out my limbs, trying to shake away the exhaustion from my body. The cool water felt good as I drank the entire cup in one gulp.  
For so long I had tried to push back the pain that swelled my soul. I hadn’t said his name today, as I haven’t for a long while, but it almost bubbled out in the war room. In the current loneliness and quiet darkness of my bedroom, I took a deep breath and let his name fall from my lips once more.  
“Cullen.”  
There. I said it and it stung. My voice broke the stark quiet that filled the room, leaving behind an eerie static. I shuddered. 

I should have seen him struggling, seen the signs of the addiction crumbling his revere. Too lost in love, I tell myself. Cullen had stayed strong as he promised during our fight with Corypheus, but not long after our victorious return to Skyhold the lyrium started to call to him. He had spent a substantial amount of time questioning Samson after my return, long nights turned into even longer days before I would see him emerge from the jailor cells. Dark bags hung from his eyes, his hair in curly disarray from running his hands through it too many times.  
We had a solid year of happiness together before his passing. No longer needing to sneak kisses in the confines of his office or stealing away to his bedroom, complete with leaky ceiling and crawling flora, we announced our affections openly to The Inquisition. Everyone was relieved we had finally done so, they were tired of keeping up pretenses. He stayed in my room most nights, except for when it was his turn to keep post on Skyholds walls, he liked to take turns with his men and they respected him for it. 

Three months before he left we journeyed to Honnleath, to meet his sister Mia and to take a break from Inquisition duties. On our way, we stopped and made camp at the lake where he had given me his lucky coin. It was an oddly warm, humid night and we decided to get into our small clothes and jump into the murky lake.  
“Stop splashing me!” he tried to speak sternly while splashing me back.  
“Make me!”  
“Come here and I will!” he laughed, reaching for me.  
I ducked under the water and swam a wide berth around him, but when I breached the surface of the lake, he was already there, wrapping his arms around me. I squealed.  
“Got you.”  
“So you have, and what shall you do with me, Commander?”  
Cullen reached a hand up and smoothed the hair out of my face. “This,” his voice was soft as his lips came to mine. I closed my eyes, wrapping my arms around his strong shoulders, giving into the man that I loved. We bobbed in the lake together, moving with the current, but making our own at the same time. His softness turned rough, but playful, as it usually had in our intimate moments. I smiled and bit his lip, making him jump, but moan, concurrently. I smirked.  
“Like that, do you?” he asked, kissing my forehead.  
I nodded with an innocent smile.  
He chuckled and bent to kiss and suck the crook of my neck. I sighed, kissing his shoulder and rubbing my hands down his muscular arms and back, the knots from stress smoothed away under my touch.  
“I love you,” he spoke against my collarbone, his breath warming my cool, wet skin. “You know that, don’t you?”  
I stilled my hands to look into his eyes as he pulled away to look at mine. Lifting my finger, I traced his lips, his cheek, his furrowed brow. “Of course I know,” I answered.  
“I would do anything for you.”  
“I know, you already have-”  
He placed a firm finger against my lips, “Shush, I am talking.”  
I stifled a laugh, but nodded, wiping a smirk from my face.  
“That’s better,” he made a lopsided smile and continued. “I never thought I’d find my heart when Cassandra invited me to join The Inquisition. When we found you after the explosion at the temple and everyone thought you did it, that you killed Justinia, I knew it wasn’t you...it couldn’t be you. You were so small and helpless in those chains, pained by the mark. And then after Haven and the avalanche, when I had to leave you...it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I prayed to the Maker every single minute until you appeared on that ridge. I carried you back to camp, did you know that?”  
I nodded my head in response, deep down I knew it was Cullen who had carried my cold, tired body to the makeshift camp in the Frostbacks.  
“I stayed by your side until you woke, rubbing your arms and feet to get you warm again. You were so cold and an unnatural shade of blue,” he touched my face, taking comfort in the warmth he felt under his fingertips. He sighed, “You came back though, like you always do. You always come back to me, even in the most impossible events.”  
“Cullen, where are you going with this?”  
He took a deep breath, nerves dancing across his face. “Lady Trevelyan, will you do me the great honor of taking my hand in marriage?”  
I hadn’t expected the question, not now anyways. Of course I always wondered if one day we’d wed and have children, but it was the farthest thing in my mind right now. I was still responsible for The Inquisition and the lives of thousands. How could I become a wife as well? My mind raced, trying to find a satisfying answer. I looked into his deep brown eyes, noticing his ever furrowed brow. Placing a finger in the middle of his eyebrows to smooth them out, I sighed. “Not now, Cullen.”  
My work had gone undone, as his brow furrowed once more. I sighed again. “Why not now?” he asked.  
“What of The Inquisition?”  
“What of it?”  
“How can we marry and still run it?”  
“We’ve done a fine job so far. Nothing has to change. You can be The Inquisitor and I will be the Commander, and late at night when we are neither of those, then we can be man and wife.”  
I laughed.  
“What’s so funny?”  
“It’s not the life I imagined to lead as a child.”  
Cullen chuckled now too, “Yes, I don’t imagine many children wish to fight demons and dragons.”  
“My mother would have been furious with me for not becoming a sister. Sisters cannot marry, you know.”  
He laughed deeply this time, “Yes, I am aware. Thank the Maker you are not a closter sister.” Shaking the smile off his face, he became serious again, “What is this really about?”  
“What will the others think? What will everyone think?”  
“It’s not any of their concern what you and I do with our lives. We are two people of our own accord, who fell in love and have decided to spend their lives together,” putting a hand to my cheek, he kissed my lips softly. “I love you. I think I loved you the moment I looked into your eyes. I do not care what everyone else thinks, but if you have concerns, I will respect you.”  
I searched his face, finding only the truth. “It’s not...I just...I am afraid.”  
“Afraid of what everyone thi-”  
“Afraid of letting you down. Afraid of not being a good wife. Afraid of loving you so much that I will make a wrong decision and get everyone killed.”  
Cullen grabbed me sternly by the shoulders and softly shook me as he spoke. “You will never let me down. Never. You are the best thing that has happened to me. My life was a series of one bad thing after another until you walked out of that ruined temple and into my life. If you feel that you need to put The Inquisition first, I respect you all the more for it. You have devoted so much of your time to the cause already though, and you are free to live a life as normal as possible. Now, if you don’t want me…that is an entirely different-”  
I kissed him hard, wrapping my arms around his neck and legs around his waist, trying to be as close to him as possible. His scruffy cheeks and chin scratched my face to an almost burn, but I did not care. He kissed me back with as much vigor as I, until we had to pull back and take deep, drawing breaths.  
“So, you do want me then?” he asked with gruff laughter.  
“You know I do.”  
“Do you need me to step down as Commander? I will be happy to do so.”  
“No, The Inquisition needs you...just as much as I need you.”  
“You know,” lifting my chin to see into my eyes, he started to speak, “As Commander, I will not let you make a decision that would get everyone killed. I know our relationship will be difficult at times, you will want your way and I will want mine, but that is how marriages work. We learn to compromise, and especially since we have so much more at stake than other couples. You come first to me, but The Inquisition is second, and I will not see either crumble.”  
“Cullen, I…”  
“We don’t have to let the others know, we can keep it a secret until you feel secure enough with how this relationship will work.”  
I smiled up at him, “A secret marriage?”  
He smiled back, “We do know how to keep a secret.”  
“Cullen Stanton Rutherford, when did you become such the romantic?”  
“Easy. When I met you.”  
I kissed him again, quickly and softly this time, placing both hands against his cheeks. I pulled back far enough to look into his eyes, seeing only love. “Very well, I will marry you, Cullen. As early as possible, in fact.”  
He grinned wide, “Why so soon?”  
“For one, when will we ever get to take another honeymoon? And two, my fingers are starting to shrivel from the water.”  
Sighing, and laughing, he kissed each tip of my fingers, then my forehead, and lastly my lips. A long and strong kiss. One that said you are mine, and I am yours, and nothing will stand in our way.

My hands laid open in front of me as I looked past the wedding band and the phalanges and into the depths of the dying fire. It danced and flickered, trying to stay lit in the large fireplace. The warmth was starting to fade as well, leaving the room cold and dark and empty. The only sound was my own, the sound of deep, uneven breath. I hadn’t noticed the tears until they started to drop onto my arm, leaving a sudden cold spot on the exposed skin. Sighing, I wiped the droplets away with the sleeve of the puffy dress I had still had on. I immediately undressed upon the realization and threw the monstrous fashion nightmare across the room.


	3. The Prince, The Spirit, and The Mage

The sun was just starting to turn the sky a light blue on the horizon why I snuck down to the kitchen. The cook wasn’t even awake yet, I had the entire pantry to myself. A loaf of bread caught my eye and an apple that looked to red to be real went into my pocket, but I rifled a little longer to find what I was really looking for. The aged wine twinkled from the light coming over my shoulder, I left the side kitchen door open so I could look for it better.  
“Ah, there you are!” I gaped at the red liquid.  
“And there you are,” an unexpected voice laughed from behind me.  
I jumped, banging my head on the low hanging shelf.  
The visitor laughed again, “I’m sorry, Inquisitor. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”  
Without turning I already knew who the voice belonged to. With a sigh, I quickly grabbed the wine and faced the intruder to my quiet time. “Sebastian, you are an awfully early riser.”  
He eyed the wine, lifting a brow, “As are you, it would appear.”  
“Rough night,” I said, shrugging my shoulders and the wine in unison.  
“Uh. Yes.”  
“Did you need something?” I asked, wanting to get back to bed.  
“No, nothing at all. Just exploring Skyhold. It is an amazing fortress. You found it here, abandoned?”  
I immediately took a sip of the wine. It was too early for the hard conversations. “Oh, no,” I said after wiping my mouth from the swig. “I didn’t find it. One of our...companions found it. Solas...that, that was his name.”  
“I don’t think I’ve met him yet.”  
“No, you won’t. He left immediately after Corypheus was killed. There was no hide nor hair of him. Just...poof. Gone.”  
Sebastian eyed me carefully. I obviously wasn’t what he had expected when he came to meet The Inquisitor. “And did you look for him?”  
“Oh yes, for months. He didn’t want to be found. Those mages and their magic...he could have been right in front of us, we’d never known.”  
“Ah, a mage. That explains a great deal.”  
I smiled, “Hmm, yes, I suppose it does.” Taking another swig from the wine bottle, I eyed the prince. He looked away when our eyes met with a bolt of electricity that passed through the both of us. I sighed, “I know I’m not what you thought I would be. I’ve let down a fair share of people lately.”  
He turned to me again, curiosity and sympathy clearly plastered on his face, “I just wonder what happened to leave The Inquisitor in such a shape.”  
“Love.”  
The cook flung open the kitchen door then, making both of us jump at the new sound. “Maker, I need to work on my reflexes again,” I said, mostly to myself.  
“Lady Inquisitor, I am sorry for the intrusion, but it is time to start breakfast.”  
I smirked in her direction, stood from the stool, and started for the door I entered, but not before grabbing the wine to take with me. “Prince Sebastian,” I bowed in his general direction before exiting and climbing the stairs to my bedroom fortress. 

 

The dreams came too frequently now, every time I closed my eyes I saw Cullens face and that damn smirk he always wore. Large amounts of liquor kept them away, momentarily, at least until I sobered up. I had gone through most of Skyholds stock of ale and wine, but Dorian stashed a few away for me in my truly desperate days. The bottle I had snuck up was already gone and the edge was starting to fade. I could feel his blood on my hands again.  
“He didn’t want you to suffer. He said to make it go away. He was suffering too.” The voice from the darkness was unexpected, but only made me jump slightly at the break in the silence. Cole was sitting on at the top of the stairs, watching me intently.  
“How long have you been sitting there?”  
“I could hear you, thinking, praying, crying. It’s not your fault.”  
“Cole, that didn’t answer my question.” I was sitting in the wingback chair by the fireplace, enjoying the warmth that the flames provided and sweating off the last remnants of the wine.  
“Not long,” he stood, coming closer into the light. I kept the curtains drawn, trying to keep out the sun. “I could hear you.”  
“I’m sorry that I was...thinking too loudly. I hope I did not wake you.”  
“No.”  
Standing, I stretched out my limbs, each crack a reminder that I was still here. “What time is it?” I asked Cole, who was now distracted by the bookcase on the opposite wall.  
“Almost supper.”  
I felt a sudden stab of hunger at the mention of food. The bread and apple only did so much for me from the morning. I walked over and stood next to Cole then, curious by what he was fiddling with. He had a book of magic in his hands, one that came with Alexius when we took him prisoner. Cole gently touched a page. “This,” he said, pointing at a familiar amulet.  
“That’s the amulet that Alexius used to send Dorian and I into the future.”  
“Yes.”  
“What about it?”  
“If it can go forward, it can also go backwards.”  
My brows furrowed, “Yes, I suppose it could...if…”  
“No more blood on your hands.”  
My whole body rocked, causing my legs to give out underneath me. I fell to the floor, not feeling the splinters that went into my knees and hands. “Cullen...I can bring him back.”

 

“You’ve really done a number on yourself this time. I’m not going to hide anymore wine for you if you can’t properly hold it.”  
“I was perfectly sober when this happened.”  
“Your knees tell a different story,” Dorian was bent over cleaning my wounds with obvious frustration.  
“Can’t you just use magic to fix me?” I asked, wincing at the pain.  
“Yes,” he looked at me and smirked, “but I won’t.”  
I sighed, looking back at his careful hands working against my wounds. Cole had immediately fetched Dorian when I refused to get up from the floor, still in shock from what he had told me. I could bring back Cullen, well, I could go back in time and change the future. The thought of changing time to make things right made me smile.  
“Why do you have a stupid smile across your face? Holding the wine just fine, right?” Dorian looked at me dumbfoundedly. I’m sure I did look like a grinning idiot.  
“Dorian…” I hesitated, considering my words. “What if I could go back in time? Change the past?”  
His hands stilled and his eyes flickered something dark. “Have you been talking to Alexius?”  
“No, I-”  
“You and I both know that is a highly dangerous road, Trevelyan.”  
“Cole found-”  
“Cole? The half human, half spirit is giving you advice now? Oh, that’s just lovely. We should all take advice from someone who throws turnips in the fireplaces. The smell lasted for weeks, if you don’t remember. I’m still trying to get the smell out of my best coat.”  
“Will you please stop and listen?” I screeched at the mage. Dorian put a hand to his hip and waved the other one for me to continue. “Cole found one of Alexius’ books on the amulet that sent us to the future. With some help, maybe I can get it to go back instead of forward.”  
“Whose help? Alexius?”  
“Well...he’s not the only mage I know…” I said, eyeing my friend with a smirk.  
“Me? Oh, no, don’t drag me into this mess. I’m not going to tear apart the world for a scheme that-”  
“It’s not a scheme. It’s the only way I can bring back...I have to, Dorian. I have to bring him back.”  
Dorian gathered me into his arms when the floodgate of tears started. He didn’t like when women cried. He smoothed back the hair from my face and wiped the tears from my cheeks, trying to erase the pain for me. It didn’t work, it never did, but I loved my friend for trying. 

Once my crying settled and I stopped sniffing, Dorian left me alone with a plate of bread, meat, cheese, and a cup of ale. I picked at the food, trying to fill my belly and curve the hunger I felt, but I was too lost in thought. If Dorian would not help me, would Alexius? Maybe he would negotiate his help for his freedom. Was I willing to pay that price? What if he sabotaged the amulet and sent me somewhere else completely? Many outcomes entered my mind simultaneously, but all lead back to saving Cullen. I had to try, hadn’t I?  
Sometime in the night, while lost in thought, I slipped into sleep. The same moments flashed before me, as they did every time I closed my eyes, but this time was different. I wasn’t in the dream, but I was watching it play out before my eyes. I saw myself and Cullen in the lake, in the chapel, in Honnleath, my dagger going into his back, my hands covered in his blood…  
A shadow caught my eye, making me jump.  
“I know what you are trying to do, Inquisitor. And I’m here to tell you it’s not going to work.”  
My eyes widened at the familiar face, his name just barely leaving my lips, “Solas.”


	4. A Visit from The Wolf

“What you are trying to accomplish is dangerous magic, Trevelyan. Even the most skilled mage can fail,” Solas walked towards me, but something was different about him. I couldn’t tell if it was from being in the Fade or something else entirely.  
“I have to try,” I whispered, mostly to myself.  
The Fade wasn’t as unpleasant as it was the first time I ventured into it, it was actually comforting to be in my bedchambers, although it wasn’t quite the same. Instead of a view of the Frostbacks, an eerie green background was prominent with pieces of land floating in the distance. My chamber was almost identical, except for a green fire in the fireplace, floating books, and upside down paintings.  
“Is this where you’ve been?” I asked, looking at my old friend with curiosity.  
“Yes, I’ve been here. And there.”  
“We looked for you, we looked for months. Why did you leave?”  
The elf picked up one of the floating books, I immediately recognized it as Alexius’. “It is quite interesting, his theories on time travel. And we know the magic works.”  
He was close enough for me to touch now, so I reached to grab his arm, but he dodged and moved across the room in the blink of an eye. His eyes stayed on mine, watching me like a feral cat would. “Please, don’t,” he finally said, blinking away the strain that was deeply prominent on his face since I entered the Fade.  
“Why did you leave?”  
“My time with The Inquisition was done. Corypheus defeated. What else was there?” He waved a dismissive hand.  
“Friends,” I sighed. “You gave such a cryptic farewell. I was concerned for you.”  
“I had to meet a...friend of mine. My duty was complete. I stayed until the end of our mission.”  
“We still needed you, Solas. I needed you.” I thought back since the night he left, since Corypheus was defeated. “So much has happened.”  
“I saw it all. I know about it all,” he said, now lounging against the familiar worn out wingback chair.  
I tried to reign in my agitation, “You watched it from the Fade, you mean?”  
“Yes.”  
“It’s not the same as living it, Solas. As being there when your friends needed you.”  
He scratched his brow, unsure of how to answer, “And what was I to do for you?”  
Unable to hold back any longer, I opened like a floodgate of emotion, “Be there for me in my time of need. Or, for Cullen. Maybe you could have helped-”  
“There was nothing I could have done for the Templar. He was too far beyond help.”  
“Then, you could have just been a friend.” I took a seat in the opposite chair he lounged against, unable to stand any longer.  
He sighed, watching me with wary eyes. “Inquisitor, you have shown me the kind of woman you are. You have fought bravely and stood strong when the world wanted to tear you down. And something, such as love, is breaking you apart.”  
“And?”  
“Love is so complex. It is beautiful, but terrifying.” He stopped then, trying to find the right words.  
Sighing, I looked at him. “I know all of this, Solas.”  
“Yes, I know you do. But, what I’m trying to say is, being The Inquisitor, maybe you are not allowed to love.” Solas took a seat in the chair across from me, crouched over and lost in thought.  
“Not allowed?” I crouched now too, looking towards him, but his eyes didn’t meet mine.  
“You are now responsible for one of the Thedas’ largest armies. You are a hero, a conqueror, and a leader. Love can be a disadvantage and a weakness. Enemies can use your heart against you, and not only the love you have for Cullen, but the love you have for all of your companions.”  
“I-”  
Solas looked me in the eyes now, but they were suddenly unfamiliar. He raised a hand to silence me. “Do not tell me you would not sacrifice your life for one of them. You would have yourself dead and Cullen alive if you could do so.”  
I stayed silent. He was right, right about all of it.  
“And where would The Inquisition be if you were dead?”  
“One of them would take my place. Cassandra.”  
“Ah, Cassandra could have been Inquisitor herself if she wanted to be, but she chose you. They all chose you, even Cullen. No, it had to be you, and it still does.”  
Tears dripped from my face, but instead of falling to the floor, they floated like frozen rain drops. “Why?” I asked. “Why me?”  
“You were chosen for a different path.”

The room was dark when I woke. Tears were wet against my cheeks leaving my face chilled. I wiped away the wetness and tried to fall back into my nightmare fueled sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter this time. It's been a couple of days since I posted anything, but I wanted to give a little update. Thanks for reading!


	5. Something Happened on the Way to Honnleath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to start the weekend with a "SQUEEEE". Enjoy the chapter!

“At least have dinner with the man, he came all this way,” Dorian was braiding my hair with deep concentration. I liked to watch his face in the looking glass. He would bite his lip or stick his tongue out when a strand of defiant hair strayed from the intricate weaving.  
“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt.”  
He met my eyes in the glass with a smile stretched broadly across his face, “That’s my girl.”  
I scowled back at him, “If I have a horrible time, I’m blaming you.”  
The thought of having dinner with Sebastian wasn’t at all unpleasant and that was exactly the problem. I was scared to open up to someone new, especially so soon after Cullen. Sebastian and I had shared a few conversations, each was friendlier than the next. He actually made me laugh once. But, his time at Skyhold was coming to an end, he’d been here a few weeks and got the hint that a marriage was not about to happen any time soon, and he missed his home in Starkhaven. His men were readying to leave at his word.  
“Well, with that frame of mind…” Dorian continued with the braid.  
“Will you help me get dressed?” I asked my friend, anxious for my new dinner plans.  
He stopped his work to look at me again, “Of course I will.”  
I narrowed my eyes at him, “And not in that ridiculous getup from last time.”  
“Just take away all my fun, why don’t you,” the Tevinter mage pouted.  
Sighing, I fiddled with the ring Cullen given me when we exchanged our marriage vows, and my mind was immediately back to that chaotic day. 

 

“...And the golem was found over Wilhelm’s dead body. Everyone in town knew the golem had to have killed him, he paraded the thing around like a blighted toy. It stood frozen in the middle of town and everyone was too scared to go up to the thing until we noticed the birds perched on it. Then it became a symbol for Honnleath, they even put a hat on it.”  
“No!”  
Cullen chuckled, “Oh yes, it was quite a ridiculous thing to see.”  
“Is the golem still there? Will we see it?”  
“No, last I heard the Hero of Ferelden came through and took it with her. Where it’s at now, I have no idea.”  
I laughed, “That’s a shame. I would have liked to see a golem with a fancy bonnet.”  
We woke at sun up and started for Honnleath, riding side by side. On our way we exchanged stories of our childhood and hometowns, sharing the dreams we had or who we were sweet on. Cullen spoke of a mage he admired from afar when he was stationed at the Circle Tower, who he then saw become an abomination. He had a hard time trusting mages after that, but even more so after being stationed in Kirkwall during the made rebellion.  
I spoke of my parents, who were angered that I had volunteered to go to the conclave with other members of the family. I was the youngest, and a daughter, and they wanted me to stay home and become a sister or marrying into another family who also had strong ties to the Chantry. We exchanged unkind words before my departure, but I’ve never been back home to apologize.  
“We can, if you want, go to Ostwick and see your parents,” Cullen slowed the speed of his Ferelden Forder.  
I slowed as well. “I suppose we can, eventually. My parents will adore you. A commander and a Templar. They’ll think I won a prize.”  
He laughed, “A prize, me?”  
“Oh yes, you’re everything a wife of House Trevelyan could want.”  
“Well, my lady,” he bowed his head, smirking. “I’m afraid you are marrying down in rank, for I do not have a house name of my own.”  
I stopped my horse, and waited for him to do the same. “Cullen, I do not need a house or a title, I just need you.”  
“I know,” he smiled. “And that’s one of the many things I love about you,” he reached out to grab my hand and kiss it.  
“One of the many?” I blushed.

We started again down the road towards Honnleath, the walls were just in the distance. “It’s just there,” Cullen nodded towards the walls. I could see the excitement dance across his face. He was home, after all this time being away and experiencing many things that should have killed him. As we rode, he pointed out trees he would hide behind from his siblings, or logs he would sit and read at. I could picture a small, curly headed boy with dirt smudged on his face, running around barefoot in these woods. The thought alone made my heart ache to hold onto the young lad. But, as we got closer, the feeling of uneasy came over us both.  
“Do you feel that?” I asked, looking around.  
Cullen unsheathed his sword, “Yes, what is it?”  
“Some sort of magic?”  
The air was electric feeling around us. We stopped, jumping off our horses, preparing for a fight. I scanned the surrounding forest, trying to find the tiniest notion of what was causing this feeling.  
“There!” Cullen pointed at a man walking down the road from the village.  
“Go no further, Inquisition,” the man said when he was within hearing distance.  
“What is going on here?” I asked.  
“Honnleath does not welcome you. Go back from which you came and leave us be,” the man spoke in monotone.  
“His eyes,” I nodded towards the man, but was speaking to Cullen. “They’re glowing. Is he possessed?”  
“Matthias, is that you?” Cullen asked, his face held a quizzical expression.  
“You know him?” I asked when the man made no intention of answering Cullen.  
“Yes, we grew up together. He was a little older than I, but we were friends,” Cullen said, glancing at me, before looking back at the man. “Matthias, whatever is going on here, we can help.”  
“We do not need help. We are fine.”  
Cullen took a careful step forward. “Fine? You do not look well, old friend. Let us-”  
Matthias’ fell to the ground then. We both ran towards his unmoving body, but he was without a heartbeat. “Dead. And from the look of it, for weeks.”  
“What is going on here?” Cullen spoke to himself as he eyed the village from afar.  
“We need to get in there, make sure your sister is alright.”

Night fell before we made an attempt to get into the village. We stood watch over the day, hiding in bushes just outside the large wood doors. No one came in or out of them. A low hanging branch on a tree outside the walls was our way in and we both jumped off the branch and onto a soft patch of tilled land in Honnleath.  
“To think I wasn’t going to bring these with me,” I said, holding up my daggers.  
“You, without a weapon? Inconceivable,” Cullen smirked at me.  
It was quiet through the town, no light shined through windows, no movement except for the two of us. I was starting to worry for the sake of Cullen and his sister, Mia, so I grabbed his hand and gave it a tiny squeeze. His eyes met mine and I saw the same worry across his face. He squeezed my hand back and we continued to tread carefully. 

“Cullen.”  
The woman's voice was unexpected and I was immediately on my toes, running towards her, daggers ready to meet flesh.  
“Stop!” Cullen's voice boomed as he lunged forward as well, but stood in front of the woman, protecting her.  
I came to a crawling halt, confused.  
“This is my sister, Mia.”  
The confusion of the moment, and adrenaline, left my head reeling. I slouched over, grabbing my knees, taking deep breaths of crisp night air.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Mia spoke softly. Her features were familiar, but feminine, and I realized I should have known who she was right away. Her brightly deep brown eyes studied me.  
“No, no, it’s fine. I should have realized,” I was still trying to catch my breath, but took slower gasps of air now.  
She smiled, satisfied with my appearance I had assumed, and looked at her brother, nudging him. “Is this she? Your betrothed?”  
Cullen smiled back at his sister, then glanced at me. “Yes, this is her,” he reached for my hand, kissing it. “Mia, may I present Lady Trevelyan, Leader of the Inquisition.”  
“It is a pleasure to meet you, Lady Inquisitor. Truly,” Mia curtsied.  
I blushed, waving my hands at her. “Oh, please, you are being too formal.”  
Mia smiled widely, showing all her teeth. Her blonde curls bounced as she giggled. “How about sister, then?”  
“Mia!” Cullen jabbed his sister in the ribs with an elbow.  
“Ow!”  
He chuckled with embarrassment as he swept a hand through his wavy locks. “Well, moving on...where is everyone, Mia?”  
“A lot of us are holed up in cellars during the night, but I knew the two of you would be arriving any day now, so I’ve been keeping watch.” Mia placed a hand on her waist, in thought. “You know,” she started, “For being leaders of an army, you two are awfully loud. I was able to hear you a few houses down.”  
“Heavy armor doesn't bode well for silence,” Cullen commented. 

We followed Mia down to her cellar, which was made a refuge for many of the villagers of Honnleath. Dirty faced children clung to their mothers,crying, while older residents sat unmoving and lost in thought. Mia was explaining how she had a feeling something would happen and had been storing excess foods since the fifth blight brought darkspawn through the village. They had fled during the blight, but had come back to Honnleath because it was home. The villagers rebuilt and thrived off the land. Cullen and I looked at each other.  
“And this is my lot,” Mia said, outstretching a hand towards several tiny children.  
“These are all yours?” Cullen asked, eyes wide.  
“All five of them,” she smiled up at her brother.  
“You’ve been...busy,” he remarked, rubbing a hand through his hair.  
A small, thin girl with the same blonde curls as her mother walked up to Cullen, standing just above his knee. “Is this ‘im?” she asked, tilting her head all the way back to look up at Cullens face.  
“Yes it is, my darling. This is your Uncle Cullen.”  
“Who’s she?” asked another child, a boy, not as small as the girl. His hair was dark and wavy.  
“The Inquisitor, Lady Trevelyan.”  
Simultaneously, the children made a collective aww. Their tiny mouths formed little ‘O’s. Immediately, they were all at my feet, grabbing at my arms and touching my armor. I bent down to my knees and they touched my face and played with my hair. All, but one. The littlest girl still stood before Cullen, still staring up at him. Cullen followed my lead, taking a knee to be closer to the girl.  
“What is your name, little one?” he asked.  
“Clare,” her voice was as tiny as a whisper. She stood stock still, watching Cullen with careful eyes.  
“Nice to meet you, Clare,” Cullen put out a formal hand. “I am your Uncle Cullen.”  
Clare glanced at his hand, but immediately her blue eyes went back to studying his face. “How’d you get that?” she asked, pointing to the scar on his upper lip.  
Cullen’s eyes met mine in that moment, he tried to hide his shock and amusement. I stifled a laugh.  
“A dragon,” he whispered, looking back at Clare, his eyes slitted and his lower lip pouted out.  
“A dragon? There’s no such thing as dragons. You’re lying,” the girl stuck out her chin.  
Cullen chuckled and looked up at Mia.  
“He is a liar,” I interjected, narrowing my eyes. “Never believe a word your Uncle says, Clare.”  
The girl giggled and smiled widely at me. “You’re a liar, uncle!” she laughed, looking back at him.  
I winked to Cullen before speaking again. “So, Uncle Cullen, how did you get that scar?”  
He mocked a sigh, and rolled his eyes. “A fierce, loathsome beast attacked me.”  
“What kind of beast?” I asked.  
“A...kitten,” he said, as if in defeat.  
The children erupted with laughter at their Uncle and left me to go climb on his back and poke his lip. One of them started meowing like a cat, which got the whole group doing so. Cullen feigned a horrored expression as the children surrounded him.


	6. Tensions Heat as the Night Cools

Quinten, Violet, Hollis, Ravi, and Clare had finally fallen asleep when the three of us huddled together to discuss the state of Honnleath. Many sleeping bodies surrounded us, seemingly dreaming easier because The Inquisition was now here. Mia explained that Matthias's daughter, Amalia, started acting out in fits of rage against other villagers. Matthias wasn't sure what to do with his daughter anymore and she had gone into hiding. No one had seen her for several days, but the same moment she disappeared, the dead started to rise at night and attack the village, forcing the townspeople to hide before the sun would start to set. There were a few casualties and some livestock were eaten, but mostly everyone survived. They hadn't had visitors since then and anyone who tried to leave were left paralyzed by an unseen force before they even reached the main gate. Cullen and Mia had been exchanging letters for weeks, he had been planning the visit for quite some time, and she had a feeling we'd show up sooner rather than later.  
"You shouldn't have been outside, looking for us or not. It wasn't safe. What about the children?" Cullen started on his sister.  
"You think you're the only one who knows how to fight, little brother? I was using weapons while you were in mothers belly." She lifted her skirts then, showing a hidden dagger strapped to her thigh, "I wasn't alone."  
I couldn’t help but smirk, “I like her.” Cullen gave me a stern look.  
“Having a weapon is not the point,” Cullen said, looking between his sister and I. “You are a mother of five beautiful children. What would have happened to them if you were killed?”  
Mia raised a brow and smirked. “Oh, dear brother. I was hoping you’d take care of the wee babes like they were your own.”  
Cullen’s eyes widened and his body stiffened.  
“Yes, of course he would,” I interjected on his behalf. “But, I was wondering…”  
“About their father?” Mia asked.  
“Well, yes.”  
“He passed while I was pregnant with Clare. The sweet lass never knew him. It’s such a shame too, he was a wonderful man,” Mia was lost in thought, reflecting back on the man she loved. “He was tall and strong, sweet too. He was hunting one day, stocking up, at my request for pelts and meats. The wolves got ‘im, never stood a chance, the poor man.”  
I touched her arm, in both sadness and trying to bring her back to us. Her far away eyes flashed to mine and they welled with unshed tears. She smiled, nudged away from my touch, and wiped her cheeks with her sleeve.  
“I’m fine,” her voice cracked. “It’s just lonely sometimes.”  
“Mia, I...didn’t know. I’m so sorry,” Cullen looked at his sister with sympathetic eyes.  
“A lot has happened since you ran away all those years ago, little brother.”  
The siblings looked at each other, sharing a bond that even Cullen and I did not. A bond of love and understanding, but also of annoyance.  
Mia sighed. “Enough of that,” she said, jabbing her brother again in the ribs.  
“Ow.”  
I glanced to one set of brown eyes, then to the other, sighing. “May we continue?” They nodded in unison. “So, we should assume that Amalia is behind the rising dead?”  
“Is she a mage?” Cullen asked.  
Mia shook her head, her blonde curls bouncing on her shoulders. I admit, I was envious. “No, I’ve seen her grow up. She’s never shown signs of being a mage,” she stopped suddenly, in thought. “However,” she began again, “there was an incident some time ago, when she was just a little girl.”  
“What kind of incident?” Cullen asked.  
“It happened after we left Honnleath, before the darkspawn came through. My husband, Ryle, and I had been engaged at the time. I didn’t see anything, but I heard the rumors when we came back home. The Hero of Ferelden had apparently saved her from a demon. Matthias never spoke of it, denying all questions. But, maybe something had happened.”  
“Demon possession,” I looked to my commander.  
“For the love of Andraste! Can’t we ever not have a crisis?”  
I shook my head, “Just part of the job.”  
Cullen suddenly wrapped me in his arms and kissed the top of my head. “I had pictured this going so differently. Just a simple vacation from our duties.”  
Taking a deep breath, I welcomed the familiar scents of Cullen. Leather, must, earth, and just a hint of armor polish. “We’ll continue what we started, once we fix your home,” I said into his chest, still taking comfort from his touch. 

 

Our plan was set and we waited for night to fall once more. We took refuge in Mia’s cellar, sleeping the day away to shake the tiredness that ached our limbs from lack of sleep. Just before the sun started to set on the horizon, we were woken by Mia with a plate of bread and cheeses.  
“It’s not much,” she started, but I quickly interjected.  
“It’s wonderful. Thank you, Mia.”  
Unexpectedly, she rushed over to me and wrapped her long arms around me. I stood still for a moment, unaware of how to react, but I quickly shook off any hesitation and hugged her back. “Keep my brother safe,” she whispered in my ear.  
“I plan to,” I whispered back.  
Mia let me go then, looking me in the eyes once more before she went over and hugged her brother as well. She whispered something to him too. When she left us to eat and prepare, I asked Cullen what she had said. He smiled at me, that same sexy smile that melted my heart and shook my knees. “She said that I better watch your back and not just your ass.”  
I bursted out in a fit of laughter and Cullen followed. It took several moments before either of us could catch our breaths.  
“It is pretty good advice,” Cullen finally said. “I often have to remind myself the same thing.”

We helped each other into our armor in silence. In a ritualistic way, we made sure each strap was tightly attached, checking and double checking that every piece was secure. Our touches lingered on bare skin for longer than necessary, but I knew he was committing my skin to memory, just as I was with him. Cullen braided my hair into a long, single strand, making sure it would stay out of my eyes. I ran my hands through his hair, even though I knew he’s done it enough on his own. He closed his eyes, enjoying my hands on him, the slightest smile crossed his lips.  
“I love you,” I said, watching him.  
His eyes popped open and he started to study my face. He reached up an unarmored hand and placed it against my cheek, feeling the blush that now reddened my face. “And I you, darling. I’m sorry this happened.”  
I smiled, “It’s not your fault.”  
“Even so, this isn’t what I had planned.”  
“And what did you have planned?”  
He chuckled softly, “Well, less clothing.”  
I laughed and placed my forehead to his breastplate, it was cool and felt good against my heated skin.  
“Long mornings spent in bed, sleeping. Or, not sleeping,” I felt him chuckle again. “Afternoons spent under a tree, reading. Or, not reading.” This time I laughed. “Late nights, under the sheets, exploring, caressing, feeling…” Cullen grabbed my chin, bringing my face up to meet his now. He bent down and kissed my lips softly. I grabbed his belt and tugged, bringing him closer to me, kissing him harder, not wanting to let him go. Our breathing quickened and we soon became lost in each other. It wasn’t until a hurried knock came from the cellar door that we let each other go and steadied our breathing. He hurried into his gauntlets and I sheathed my daggers to my back. We gave each other a look over and nodded in unison. 

The night was mild and the air was still. We planned on entering Matthias’ home to see if we could figure out what Amalia was up to. Before leaving Mia's home, we told her to lock herself, the children, and anyone else she could find, in the cellar and not to open it back up until we came back or until the sun rose. With our weapons drawn, Cullen lead us through Honnleath, vaguely remembering the ins and outs of the village he left when he was twelve. We hit several dead ends.  
“Sorry,” Cullen said, reaching a hand and placing it on his neck like he did in time of embarrassment or uncomfortableness. “It’s been a while.”  
“It’s alright, Cullen.”  
As we were turning around from another blockade, two armored skeletons shambled towards us. The armor was old and rusted, and the blades in even poorer condition. Bits of skin still stuck to their bones, making the air smell of rotten flesh and dirt. The same electric feeling we felt when nearing Honnleath before was now filling the air, making my skin prick under my armor.  
“I was wondering when they’d show up,” I said, looking at Cullen.  
He started for them, roaring in the heat of battle, sword raised for a plunged attack. I came from behind them, stabbing both in the back, catching them off guard. When they spun around to jab at me, Cullen reach them then, taking off one of their heads and shoulder bashing the other into my awaiting blades.  
Pushing the corpse off my weapon, I looked around the small alley we were in. “Is that all?” I asked when nothing else moved towards us. As we started around the corner, we came face to face with a dozen of the shambling skeletons, all in different stages of decomposition.  
Cullen gave me a quick glance. “You had to say it,” he sighed before pummeling through the crowd of undead.  
I rolled my eyes and took off after him, stabbing at anything that got too close to his back. Cullen took three down with a single horizontal swing of his sword, and knocked two more down with a bash of his shield. I worked through corpses, weaving in and out of them to take them down individually. As I was about to take down a fresher corpse, a ear splitting cry caught me off guard. I whirled around in time to see Mia running towards us.  
“Stop!” she cried. “That’s my husband!”  
“Mia! Get out here!” Cullen yelled while ducking an oncoming blade.  
“Ryle! It’s me, it’s Mia!” Mis was approaching faster and I could feel the corpse of her husband upon me. I spun around, meeting him face to face. I kicked him, pushing Ryle away to a safer distance from me. I stood frozen, conflicted. Before I could move again, Cullen had come from behind the corpse of Ryle and beheaded him. His body fell to the ground with an undramatic thump as his head rolled to my feet. I stared into his milky eyes, standing frozen and shaken.  
“Nooooooo!” Mia’s scream echoed through my head. I could feel her heart break all over again in the single word. “How could you?” She stopped in front of her brother as he was just piercing his blade through the last corpse.  
“Not now, Mia,” he looked towards his sister with something that looked like fury.  
“That was my husband!” Mia pointed to Ryle’s body.  
Cullen grabbed her arm. “No, it wasn’t. That was his corpse. Your husband died long before I got to him.” He looked to me then. “We need to keep moving.”  
I nodded and took a shaky step forward over the head of Ryle.  
“Mia,” Cullen turned back to her. “Go home, go to the cellar, and lock yourself in.” When she didn’t move, Cullen roared an incoherent, “Go!”.  
Mia ran back towards her home, away from us, tears streaming down her face.  
Cullen started for our destination, seeming determined of where he was going now. I followed silently behind, keeping a watchful eye for what lurked in the shadows of Honnleath. 

Matthias’ home sat on a slight hill with a watchtower above and an outcrop of land in the front. It was run down looking, some windows were shattered and the door was barely hinged on. No more corpses popped up, but the electric feeling in the air only became stronger the closer we came. I stood watch behind Cullen as he pushed open the door. It groaned loudly, announcing us to whoever was inside.  
“So much for surprise,” I said, peeking a look in.  
The home was decrepit. No one could have comfortably lived here for at least five years, if not longer. Floorboards were missing and ceiling beams had fallen, leaving the roof lopsided and exposed to the sky. The smell of moist wood and mold filled my nostrils. I took a few careful steps into the house to see if anything caught my eye. When I heard Cullen start towards me, I whipped around as fast as I could, but it was not fast enough. Just as his eyes met mine, the floorboards gave way to his heavy armor, and he went through. Quickly, and carefully, I rushed over to the broken floor and looked down. Cullen was several flights down, laying, unmoving, in what looked to be a cellar. My heart lurched at the sight. “Cullen!” I screamed out, not caring who could hear me.


	7. Here Kitty Kitty

My body tingled from anger as my stomach lurched with the thoughts that hastily passed through my mind. I looked around the dark room, wishing we had brought some sort of light source with us. “Where’s a mage when you need one,” I quipped to myself. Keeping my head down, I calculated each step I was about to take. I tested each floorboard, putting light pressure on them to see if it was safe to proceed. Making it across the battered room, I eyed the walls to find the door that would lead me down to the cellar. Just then I noticed a single streak of moonlight shining on a single door frame just within a few steps of me. It was like a silent prayer answered by The Maker. I looked up to see the sky clearing of clouds and gave quiet thanks.  
Cautiously, I made it to the door frame and listened for any sounds. Silence. I grabbed the daggers from my back and started down the stone steps in complete darkness. My steps echoed through the stone passage that took me further and further down to where I needed to go. The stairs suddenly opened up into, what looked like, a stock room. Casks of ale were at one side of the room and a single table with odds and ends sat at the other. With cautious steps, I walked over to the table and discovered it was covered in a thick layer of dust and dirt, except for a few letters written in a very familiar hand. I picked up one of the once neatly folded parchments and turned it over, the lions crest wax seal was the give away. This came from Cullen. Turning the letter back over, I read through it. It was one of the letters he sent Mia, the most recent, letting her know we were on our way to Honnleath. More letters sat on the desk, all from Cullen. I felt like I was intruding on his conversations with Mia, even though I was slightly curious at what he said about me. Instead of reading through them all, and not wanting to leave them behind, I folded the letters and placed them in my armor, usually where I kept an extra dagger or potion. Taking another look about the room, and nothing else catching my eye, I continued down another set of stairs.  
These stairs were more rickety and unstable than the last set, which were made of stone. These, however, were made of old wood, that looked reused and moistened. Small platforms and steps lead me downward, but at a slower pace. I had to tread carefully because steps were missing, the wood was so old and rotted that it just crumbled away. Just as I came to a halt, because five steps were completely missing, I heard a sudden shriek come from below. It was Cullen. Starting to panic, I took a few steps back, put my daggers back into their sheaths, and lunged forward in hopes I’d make it to the other side. As I was landing, my foot slipped on the stair and I lost all balance. I ended up landing on my knees and they crashed against the stairs and skidded across the wood, leaving deep gashes and splinters. I yelped out in pain. After a moment, and taking a few steadying breaths, I stood, cringing at the pain it brought, and continued even slower down the stairs to Cullen.  
Turning a final corner, Cullen's back suddenly came into view. He stood stone still in the middle of a large, open room, down a few more steps from the platform I currently stood on. Nothing was in the room except for four wooden beams for support and the scattered pieces of rubble from Cullens fall.  
“Cullen,” I whispered, unsheathing my daggers once more.  
He didn’t move.  
Taking a few more studied steps onto the platform, I abruptly stopped when I noticed the barrier between the rest of the room and me. Magic. A flash of motion from the corner of my eye got my attention then. The girl was no more than seventeen, and her blonde hair fell down to her knees, covering her naked body.  
“Amalia?” I asked, unsure.  
She grinned, her blue eyes were set on me. “Only in the flesh.”  
I lifted a brow, “Then, you are?”  
The girl pondered for a moment, “I was called Kitty once. You may call me that, Inquisitor.”  
“You know who I am?”  
Kitty laughed. “I’ve heard whispers of you in the Fade. There’s stories going around.”  
“You’ve been to the Fade?”  
“Yes, of course.”  
“What are you?”  
Kitty pouted at me. “I’m just a girl.”  
“No, you’re not,” I said, shaking my head.  
She smiled widely. “You’re right. I’m not. You are perceptive, Inquisitor.” She walked closer to me. “Maybe they were right about you.”  
“They? And right about what?”  
“They. The spirits. The demons. We who originate from The Fade.”  
I surveyed the girl. “You’re a demon.”  
“Yes!”  
“What were they right about?” I asked out of horrific curiosity.  
“You’ll be harder to get rid of than we had hoped.” She didn’t move, didn’t blink, but just stood there watching me with a grin.  
I had to look away from her gaze, I saw now that it was inhuman. My eyes wandered to Cullen, his back still to me, but I could see that he was shaking. “What did you do to him?” I asked, nodding towards him.  
“Oh,” she smiled widely and twisted a glance at his body, before turning back to answer me, “him. I like him, Inquisitor. A lovely specimen of a man.” Still smiling sheepishly, Kitty sauntered towards him. “He’s so strong,” she swept her hands across his shoulders and grabbed his arms. “And handsome,” she then touched his rugged cheek.  
“Don’t. Touch. Him.” I said through gritted teeth.  
“Oh, Inquisitor,” she smirked and stepped away from Cullen. “We must share with others. That’s what Daddy taught us.”  
“Daddy?”  
“Daddy Matthias.”  
I was suddenly confused. “What is going on here?”  
Kitty sighed and rolled her eyes, obviously upset that I didn’t know anything. “I possessed Amalia. I became Amalia. Daddy Matthias.”  
“Matthias is dead. You killed him.”  
Kitty pouted again. “He didn’t want to play anymore. I wanted to leave this place and never come back. I wanted to see the world and explore. Daddy Mitthias wanted to come back to this horrid place and stay forever. He had to be dealt with. And once I’m finished with you, I can finally leave.”  
“Why do I need to be dealt with?”  
Kitty kept her ever present smile on her face, it was a toothy grin really. “You’ve caused quite the commotion and made more than one enemy when you closed those rifts. There’s a price for your head. I’m looking to claim it.” She sashayed back and around Cullen, caressing him from shoulders to chest, and leaned in to whisper something to him on the tips of her toes. He turned around to finally face me and I gasped in horror. His familiar brown eyes were clouded by magic, they were now blue and glowing. His face was washed out and pale. My fists clenched around the hilts of my daggers, making a dull ache rise up into my arm, but I ignored the building pain and took a deliberate step forward. “When I heard whispers of your coming, I had my friends bring me the letters between the Templar and his sister. They made for...excellent reads.”  
“What have you done?” I growled out, not even recognizing my voice.  
“He begged me to take the pain away. I’m helping him, really.” Kitty's head tilted before she faced Cullen. “Cullen, love, tell our guest where you are.”  
“Home, in Honnleath. Sitting under a tree, enjoying the shade, my hand is on her belly and I just felt the baby move. It must be a boy. He’s strong, like his father.”  
“Her, who?”  
“Lady Rutherford, my darling wife.”  
Kitty’s eyes narrowed at me as she feigned a shocked gasp. “The Inquisitor?”  
“Of course, although she’s no longer leading the Inquisition. No place for a baby, after all. We’ve made a home here now. She hasn’t gone by The Inquisitor in years.”  
I was mesmerized by his words. Several thoughts went through my mind. Married. Baby. Left the Inquisition. Can I do that? Do I want to?  
Cullen continued, lost in his fantasy. “The afternoon sun is high, but the shade is lovely. I’m reading a book by Brother Genitivi and she’s hugging her belly and nodding off. I like to watch her sleep, she looks so peaceful.”  
“Stop this!” I didn’t realize I shouted out loud. I ignored the tears that slipped from my eyes and slid down my cheeks.  
“Inquisitor, please, you’ll wake him.” I watched the barrier that was between Kitty, Cullen, and I dissipate, and I ran down the four remaining stairs to them.  
“Get away from him!” I raised my blade to Kitty and grabbed onto Cullens arm. I immediately regretted doing so. He reached out and pushed me off of him. Cullen and I had trained often together, and I always knew he held back his strength, but I never knew how much until this very moment. I felt like a child's doll as my body fumbled to the ground, smacking hard against it, and I skidded across the uneven stone floor.  
“I wouldn’t do that again,” Kitty sneered. “I’m sure you’re aware of his strength.”  
I pushed myself up despite feeling battered and bruised. My daggers had skidded across the room in my fall and were out of reach. I was weaponless. “Cullen, it’s me! Stop this!” Standing, I had my fists clenched and readied myself for impact.  
He came at me like a ramming bronto. Having just leaped out of the way in time to watch him skid past me, I used his confusion to my advantage and came from behind to try to force him down. He wasn’t having it. Suddenly turning, quicker than I had thought he could, he grabbed me by the arms and squeezed. I cried out when I felt my skin break and a bone snap.  
Somewhere, far away, I heard Kitty laugh. My vision began to blur and darken and I heard a sudden ringing in my ears. Cullen lifted my flimsy body above his head and threw me across the room. I felt the air breeze past me and then the sudden impact of stone. My body must have bounced, because first I felt the crushing blow to my already broken arm, then the ear splitting sound of my skull cracking. I felt stuck in my own head, my body didn’t respond to my commands. The clanking of Cullen’s armor came closer as I tried to force my body to move, but it did not listen. I willed my eyes open to look for the oncoming attack, but suddenly my eyes caught the hilt of my dagger. It was close, within arms reach. The sound of Cullen's charge was getting closer and I forced myself to reach out for the blade.  
He reached me and I felt the familiar cool touch of his armor against my skin. I shut my watery eyes and felt the hilt of the blade in my hand. In a last ditch effort, I took in a piercing breath. “Cullen, please…” He started to lift me once more, no doubt to throw me across the room again. “I’m sorry. I love you,” I whispered before sinking my dagger into his shoulder with all the energy and willpower I had left. He roared out, dropping me to the ground, and reared back. I watched as he stood in shock, blinking away the clouds from his eyes, and looking down at the metal that protruded through him. His furrowed brow met my eyes as he took in the scene before him.  
“Cullen.” His name left my lips in a sigh as I tried to reach out for him.  
Starting to bend down to me, he suddenly stopped from the pain that coursed through his body from the blade. With shaky breath, he grabbed the hilt tightly and quickly removed the dagger from his shoulder, screaming out from the misery it surely must have caused him. The weapon fell to the floor with a clink and the blood started the pour from the wound. Cullen successfully bent down next to me now, taking me into his arms as carefully as he could. He pushed back the hair that didn’t quite make it into the braid from my forehead and kissed the top of my head. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he murmured repeatedly into my ear.  
“Kitty,” was the only thing I could get out of mouth.  
Cullen turned from me to scan the room. “She’s gone.”  
It was the last thing I heard before I let the darkness take me. 

 

“Cullen!” I gasped as I shot straight up from the bed I was laying in.  
The rustling at my side surprised me and I jumped when a hand came at me. “It’s me. It’s alright. I’m here.” Cullen put his hands up defensively.  
I sighed and sagged in relief.  
“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said when he placed his hand on mine.  
“I know,” I smiled up at him, but it didn’t reach my eyes. “What happened? Did you get Kitty?”  
Cullen groaned and raked his other hand through his hair. “She...got away,” he spoke through clenched teeth.  
“We have to go find her!” I shouted, pushing Cullen's hand away and ripping the blankets off of me. My head immediately started to spin.  
Cullen stood and put a heavy hand on my shoulder. “I looked, she’s gone.”  
“But-”  
“She took off, after you stabbed me, I suppose. She must have known I would’ve ended her if I ever got my hands on her.”  
I sighed, putting my head in my hands. “I screwed up.”  
“No,” something in his voice made me look at him. “I did this. I was weak. I...almost killed you. You were just lying there, unmoving, the blood seeping out of you. And I did it, I did that to you.”  
“Cullen, please don’t-”  
“I will always see that image in my head. It’ll haunt me for the rest of my life.” He looked away, but I saw that his eyes were red rimmed from recently shed tears. “I don’t know if you could ever forgive me…”  
“Of course I forgive you, Cullen.” I reached up, desperate to feel his hands in mine. He gave them to me willing and sat back down in the chair next to the bed. “You weren’t yourself. Kitty...Amalia...that demon had you under a spell. It wasn’t you, I know that.”  
He looked away from me, his hand ever present on the back of his neck.  
“Cullen,” I waited for him to look up until I spoke again. His brown eyes met mine. “I love you. This doesn’t change how I feel about you.”  
The room stayed silent.  
“How’s your shoulder?” I asked, after assessing my own wounds.  
“Clean wound, it went right through. You missed all the important organs.” I noticed now that his shoulder was wrapped and a sling was around his neck, although he didn’t use it.  
“You didn’t have a mage-”  
He shook his head to cut me off. “No, I...didn’t, don’t need...help.”  
I sighed, feeling slightly exacerbated and suddenly tired. “You don’t have to suffer, Cullen. Don’t put yourself through this. I’m fine, we’re alive. That’s all that matters right now.”  
Cullen stood, letting go of my hands. He bent down and kissed the top of my head. “Get some sleep. You need it,” he said, before turning to leave the room.  
“Wait!”  
He hesitated by the door, but did not turn to face me.  
“I still want to get married.”  
The deep groan that left his mouth reverberated through my body, but he finally turned back to face me. “We can discuss this at some other-”  
“No, we will discuss it now.”  
“You can’t be serious-”  
“Now, Commander Cullen.” I sat upright and lifted my chin.  
Cullen lifted a brow. “Okay,” he hesitated. “When?”  
“Today. Like we planned on doing when we got to Honnleath.”  
He scoffed, “Surely, not after everything we went through last night, you’re even considering marry me...today.”  
My eyes pierced his. “Nothing has changed, Cullen. Nothing between us will ever change. You can’t push me away and feel guilty for the rest of your life. If I can forgive you, and I do, even though there is nothing to forgive, than you can forgive yourself.”  
We eyed each other for several minutes before he shrugged his shoulders and sighed in defeat. “I’ll have Mia pick out a dress for you.”

Mia helped me shuffle down the aisle of the Chantry. My body was still reeling from the effects of the beating from the night before and I couldn’t stand for very long on my own. I wore Mia’s wedding dress, and it was snug in all the wrong places and loose in all the right, but it was beautiful nonetheless. Mia informed me it was her mother’s as well, which made it all the more special to me. I tried very hard not to rip any seams or bleed on it. She was upset with Cullen and I over the second death of her husband, Ryle, but she didn’t speak any ill wishes. Not on this day at least.  
Unfortunately, the sling around my neck did not match with the dress. My arm was broken, and the healer did everything he could to fix it, but the break was in multiple places. There wasn’t enough magic to put it back together fully. I’d have to heal at my own rate. My skull, however, was fully healed, even though I think Cullen disagreed. He blamed my sudden rush into marriage on the head injury.  
Even though my face was bruised, I still felt like the beautiful bride. Clare, who lead the procession down the aisle, made my bouquet of elfroot and wildflowers. The other children were already seated and watched us slowly proceed to where Cullen stood. He was in full armor, which made me panic slightly at the sight of him. I pushed down the feelings and smiled brightly, but I could tell he noticed my slight wince. His armor gleamed in the stained glass of the Chantry, he had taken the time to wipe off the blood and buff it.  
Cullen met us halfway, noticing that I was starting to struggle and not wanting to bare anymore weight on his sister. I met his eyes as he held me and we walked slowly towards the Revered Mother. I lightly jabbed my elbow at him and smirked. “Are you ready, Commander?”  
“At your word, Inquisitor.”

 

“Will this dress do? It’s boring and plain, with a slight hint of...ale?” Dorian brought me back from my thoughts. I hadn’t realized my hair was already up and I sat in my small clothes on the bed. Several dresses were tossed around the room, each frillier and puffier than the last. The dress currently in his hands was up to his nose as he whiffed it. “This is horrible. This is a definite no.”  
I went to open my mouth and he raised a finger at me.  
“No, I cannot allow this abomination to happen.”  
Sighing, I shut my mouth and watched him dig even further in the closet.  
A sudden rapping came from the door before I heard it click open and footfalls start up the stairs.  
“Lady Inquisitor,” Josephine emerged from the top step. “Prince Sebastian is waiting for you in the dining hall. Are you ready?” Our eyes met, and she nodded. “A few more minutes then.”  
“These are all horrible. Josie!” Dorian called. “I am going to need to rifle through your clothing.”


	8. So Much For That

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long delay between chapters! I have been working on other projects on top of working my day job and haven't had much time to do anything else. Here is a very short chapter just to let readers know that I'm still around. I hope to get some more of the story posted in the next week or two. Thanks again for reading!! Kudos and comments are always extremely welcomed!

“I’m sorry to have kept you waiting, Sebastian.”  
Dorian found a reasonable dress that we both agreed on in Josephine's closet. She demanded that I kept it after seeing me in it, insisting that it looked better on me than on her anyways. I sighed and begrudgingly accepted. The rich purple and red velvet dress sat just at my shoulders and hugged my body down to the floor. A tiny black leather bodice wrapped around my waist, just enough to accentuate my figure. The top part of my hair was wrapped in elegant braids, but the lower half was left down and it cascaded to my lower back.  
Sebastian's face lit up the moment his eyes laid on me. He stood quickly, pushing back his chair against the stone floor with a high pitched screech. We both cringed at the noise.  
“Sorry,” he said quickly before jogging over and pulling out my seat at the far side of the table.  
I sat with as much elegance as I could. My stomach churned and I suddenly felt light headed. I smiled politely and took a sip of the wine that was already poured for me. Sebastian took his time walking back to his seat at the other head of the table, avoiding any further irking sounds.  
The dining hall table was ridiculously long for just two people. Various candelabras and flower arrangements sat down the middle and I had to lean to either side just to get a view of the man. I sighed in frustration. “This is…”  
“What?” he asked, leaning an ear closer to me.  
“Can you hear me?”  
“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you.” Sebastian replied, oblivious to my prior question.  
I sighed and stood, grabbing my plate and wine with me. Sebastian stood as well, his manners ingrained deeply within him. Walking beside the long table, which was completely unnecessary since this was the first time anyone has used it anyways, I placed my items in front of the seat next to him. He pulled out my chair and pushed it back in beneath me before taking his seat once more.  
“This is...better.”  
Nodding in agreement, I took another gulp of the wine. It burned going down and I cringed slightly. I noticed Sebastian was studying me and I smirked up at him. “Find anything interesting?” I asked.  
He immediately cleared his throat and looked away, embarrassed. “Uhh, no, not at all. I mean, not that you’re not interesting, you are, but you’re not interesting to look at. Err, you are beautiful, but not interesting to-”  
My stark laughter that filled the quiet hall stopped Sebastian mid sentence. After initial shock, he laughed now too.  
“I didn’t mean to fluster you.”  
Sebastian's cheeks reddened, “You didn’t, you…” he stopped, gauging my reaction. “You caught me staring, and...I wasn’t sure how to respond.”  
It was my turn for my cheeks to turn aflame. “Oh. I see.”  
“You are beautiful, Inquisitor. Truly. You do realize?”  
“I...I…” I stammered. If I needed a distraction from the way that Sebastian now gazed at me, this was the time. I was relieved when I felt the familiar tingle in my palm from the mark. It glowed suddenly, making Sebastian jump back in his seat. His blue eyes widened in both shock and amazement.  
“Is that...it? The mark?”  
“Um, yes,” I grabbed my hand with the other and cradled it in my lap, under the table.  
“It’s remarkable!”  
I nodded with tightly closed lips. To everyone, yes, it was remarkable. Perhaps a gift from Andraste, as it has been suggested time and time again. But to me, and those closest to me, it was a plague that had pained me for too long. Many nights I laid awake from the pain that tingled in my hand and worked it’s way up my arm. Before he departed, Solas had made a concoction of herbs to help ease the burn, but when he left the recipe left with him. Other healers have tried to help, but with little success. Most often, the wine I consumed relaxed me enough to fall into a nightly stupor. Cullen always poured me a glass when we readied for bed, and I’d sip at it for a little while before falling into a semi deep slumber.  
“Inquisitor?” Sebastian's voice broke through my thoughts.  
I looked at him, suddenly realizing I had be staring off into the distance.  
“I’m sorry,” I apologized.  
“The mark, it...pains you.”  
“Yes.”  
“I’m sorry. The Maker often presents challenges throughout life, and it is up to us to rise above them, or not.”  
Stifling a laugh, I sneered at the prince, “I had forgotten you were once a brother in the Chantry. Old habits die hard, do they not?”  
He pursed his lips. “Indeed, they do. I did not mean to offend, Lady Trevelyan.”  
I sighed, “I know, I’m sorry.” I took another welcomed gulp of wine, finishing my cup. “So many see the mark as a gift, but it isn’t. It’s a curse. Once I closed the rift I thought it would have gone away, but it stayed. I was able to control it for so long afterwards, with the help of...friends. But, now…” I trailed off.  
“The wine?”  
“It helps keep the pain away, some. When I’m nervous, it does this,” I nodded to my hand.  
Sebastian looked at me quizzically, “Why are you nervous?”  
“You. This,” I spread my hands out to the table. “All of it.”  
He sighed, “I did not mean to cause you pain, Inquisitor.”  
It was my turn to sigh, “It’s not you, well, it kind of is, but it’s not because of anything you did.”  
“I’m glad to hear it.”  
I looked around the table for more wine, only to find none.  
“Lady Trevelyan, may I ask you about the Commander?”  
“Iron Bull?” my brows creased.  
“No, Commander Cullen.”  
The mere mention of his name threw me off guard. I stood quickly, pushing back my chair with another annoying screech. Suddenly, I felt like a wild beast that was about to be tamed.  
Sebastian cautiously stood too, putting his hands up in defense. “I did not mean to alarm you.”  
I fought back against the pain of the mark, pushing back the electric feeling pulsing up my arm. From the corner of my eye I saw Dorian enter the room.  
“Dorian, please-” I wasn’t sure what I was asking for, but he quickly came to my side and rubbed a hand down my back.  
“What brought this on?” Dorian looked between Sebastian and I.  
“I asked her about Commander Cu-”  
“Ah!” Dorian quickly raised his hand to stop the prince from saying his name again. “Are you a fool? Or just incredibly stupid?”  
“What is going on here?” The cook stepped out into the dining hall with a platter of meat and vegetables.  
“Dinner has been cancelled,” Dorian simply stated before ushering me out of the hall and into my chambers.


	9. A Goodbye/A Midnight Excursion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry for how long it took me to get back to this writing project. You know how life goes. Anyways, I hope this chapter makes up for the very long absence. There is smut, but not too much, it's PG-13 rated in my brain. Enjoy!

Dorian tucked me into the warm blankets atop my bed. I snuggled in, not even bothering to take off the elegant dress. I closed my eyes, enjoying the heat that ventured through my body from not only the blankets, but from the wine as well. The mark still crackled at my side, under the velvet throw, and I felt the familiar twinge of it starting to recede.  
“You and I cannot keep doing this,” Dorian interrupted my dazed thoughts.  
“Doing what?” I asked in a sleepy, drunk daze. The downed cups of wine were starting to catch up with me.  
“It has been six months since Cullen passed, you need to move on.”  
I felt a pang in my heart and I immediately became awake and alert, but I stayed silent.  
“Cullen would not have wanted this for you. You can’t even take care of yourself.”  
My chin jutted out in protest and I pushed the covers off of me while I sat straight up. “I can take care of myself.”  
“Can you? I have been nurturing and caring for you since his death.”  
“I didn’t ask you to-”  
Dorian put both hands in the air to stop me from speaking any further. “You didn’t have to ask,” he took a seat on the bed next to me and grabbed both my hands into his, not afraid of the pulsating mark, “I did it because you are my friend and I care deeply about you. I know you lost part of yourself when Cullen died. Deciding to put him down must have been the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make, and you’ve had to make very big decisions. But, it’s time to make another choice: to move on with your life, like Cullen would have wanted for you, or to continue down your current path and wither away to nothing but a name in books.”  
I knew he was right, of course he was. Cullen would have never wanted this wasted life for me, or the Inquisition for that matter. I was a leader who simply decided to stop leading, entrusting those around me with the task. Everything Cullen had worked for was going for naught. I was being incredibly selfish, and with Cullen gone, Dorian had to call me out on my behavior. Even knowing how childish I was acting, I turned away from my friend, no longer wishing to look at him.  
Dorian sighed, understanding my wishes for him to leave. He begrudgingly let go of my hands and stood from the bed, starting for the staircase to lead him away from my room. I waited to hear the familiar footfalls and click of the door shutting, but it did not come. Turning slightly, I saw Dorian standing in the middle of the room, hesitating and leaning all his weight on one foot.  
“I...thought you should know...I am leaving.”  
My attention was very suddenly peaked. I swung my whole body back around in bed to face him. “Where are you going?”  
“Tevintor.”  
My brows furrowed, “What for?”  
“I’ve received word that my father is dying and my mother requested that I see him before he does,” Dorian sighed.  
“Dorian, I’m sorry.”  
“He wanted to make amends once,” the mage met my eyes, “I can at least give him peace before he goes.”  
“When will you be back?”  
Dorian shifted his weight from the one foot to the other, looking away from my teary eyed gaze. “I...won’t be coming back.”  
The words left an empty echo in the room and my heart thudded against my chest.  
“I’m sorry, Trevelyan,” Dorian bowed before turning and walking down the stairs and through the door with a click of finality. 

\------------------------------

I stayed in bed the rest of the night, sitting in silent contemplation, not thinking about anything in particular.  
“Dorian!” I called out, more than once, when my stomach growled and my throat felt parched in the early morning, but I realized that he would not come. 

The horses left at first light that following morning after Dorian said his goodbye. I suddenly realized he had been planning to leave for a while, he was just waiting to tell me. I walked over to the balcony and peered out when I heard the hooves pound against the cobblestone. I said a silent goodbye to my friend, wishing I had treated him better in our last days. He had been there for me and I abused our friendship since Cullen died.  
Dorian looked my way once, grinning like he had the day I met him in Redcliffe Village. He winked at me before jabbing his horse in the side with his foot and rushing forward down the bridge leading away from Skyhold. 

I stayed on the balcony and watched the horses until I could see them no more. Only when the sun was well over the ridge of the Frostbacks I went back to bed and stayed there until Cassandra came to check in on me once, bringing me a stack of papers that needed signing. I sighed at the stack wobbling on my desk from the bed, not wanting to deal with the headaches that came with being Inquisitor.  
I dozed in and out of slumber throughout the rest of the day, willing myself to get up and do my duties every time my eyes popped open from a night terror. In the quiet darkness of the evening, with not even a single strand of moonlight breaking through, I realized how much I really did rely on Dorian in my everyday tasks.  
My windows stayed open, letting in an unnaturally cold breeze. The fire was not lit, nor any candles to light the room. I hadn’t ate in...I wasn’t sure how long.

With a sigh, I reluctantly got up when it was too dark to see my hands in front of me. The stone floor was cold beneath my feet, but I continued to pad along until I found the top of the stairs and carefully took each step down. The heavy wood door squeaked open and I made my way down the additional stairs until I was finally in the throne room.  
The open space felt foreign to me. Walking over to the worn in seat, my fingertips skimmed over the intricate wood work. I never appreciated it before. It was the throne that was here when we found Skyhold. Who sat in this seat before? What judgements did they make? How manys lives changed? 

An unexpected voice echoed off the stone walls, making me jump.  
“Hey, Boss.”  
Iron Bull sat at one of the ornate tables, working on a cup of ale that probably wasn’t his first for the night.  
“Bull,” I squeaked when I found my voice, but suddenly my brows furrowed with a dawn of realization, “Are you on watch?”  
“Maybe,” he said before tilting his head back to finish off his mug.  
I took the few steps that were between us and sat in the wooden seat at the head of the table. Bull nodded to me before grabbing another mug and filling it from the cask that was directly next to him. He passed the filled cup over to me before refilling his own. Unceremoniously I raised the mug to him and downed the liquid. It burned, but I was so thirsty that I did not care.  
With the mug drained, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and passed it back over to Bull for a refill.  
“So,” I tilted my head, “if you’re on watch, why are you here?”  
Bull grunted.  
“One of those days?”  
He downed the ale again.  
“Is there anyone else on watch?”  
“Of course, I wouldn’t leave the walls unprotected.”  
I nodded.  
“Cullen-” Bull immediately winced when the name slipped.  
I shrinked back in the chair and sighed deeply before speaking again, “No, it’s alright. I’m alright.”  
Bull eyed me speculatively.  
“I am. It’s just going to take me a while. Go on, what about our former Commander?”  
“He trained our men well. I don’t need to babysit them. They know their duties.”  
I nodded. I knew how hard Cullen worked on the men to groom them into Inquisition soldiers. I also knew that the soldiers appreciated the hard work Cullen put into them, and they’d never want to let him down, even if Cullen weren’t actually here.  
“Why are you here?” It was time for Bull to ask the questions.  
“To wander the halls of Skyhold as the spirit of a woman wronged.”  
Bull threw his head back to laugh.  
In turn I laughed as well, although it felt true.  
“I couldn’t sleep,” I sighed, “Well, not anymore. And I’m hungry.”  
“I think there’s some cheese in the kitchen. I can go get it for you-”  
I put my hands up and quickly stood, pushing back the chair with a groaning echo that rang through the hall, “No need, Bull.” I patted the Qunari’s shoulder, “Thank you for the drink,” I said before slipping off into the darkness that lead to the kitchen.

The fires from the ovens were still warm, making the floors warm as well. It felt good against my feet and body. I hadn’t realized how cold I was until now when I looked down and realized I was still in the dress from the night before.  
“For the love of the Maker,” I sighed to myself. “Bull certainly got an eyeful.”  
I reached the cheese wheel sitting on the preparation table and cut off a few slices before grabbing a roll of freshly baked bread. When I turned around to head back to my room, determined to go through the stack of papers, a shadow stood in the doorway.  
Unexpectedly I screamed and dropped my food to the floor, preparing for attack. The shadow came closer and I cursed under my breath, knowing I was rusty for battle.  
“We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” Sebastian said with humor.  
“Andraste’s flaming ass!” My body relaxed at his voice, but my muscles felt sore from the ease of tension and lack of use.  
Sebastian nervously chuckled, “I’m sorry to have frightened you. I didn’t realize you had a...way with words.”  
I spurted out in a fit of laughter, “Of all the times to be a proper chantry Brother…”  
“They’ve ingrained it in me, I’m afraid.”  
“So I see,” I said when I finally caught my breath again. “And I agree, we have got to stop meeting like this.”  
“I’m not intentionally stalking you to the kitchens at night, it just happens to be on my walking route,” Sebastian folded his arms and leaned against the wall. He was in an undershirt and lounging pants. Shoes were on his feet, but not laced all the way up, making him look young and carefree. Not the Sebastian I had come to know.  
“Walking route?” I asked, lifting a brow at him.  
“Yes, I’ve had...trouble sleeping since the events in Kirkwall,” he looked away from me, avoiding eye contact, and inspected a speck of ash on the stone floor from the oven.  
I looked away from him as well, feeling like an intruder. “Yes, I am sorry. I can’t imagine what that was like for you.”  
From the corner of my eye, I saw him turn back to me to study my face, “I think you can imagine.”  
My eyes involuntarily closed.  
“Lady Trevelyan, I am sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to make you upset.”  
“I know you hadn’t,” the words came out in a whisper, but I knew Sebastian heard me.  
He came closer to me as I leaned a thigh against the preparation table for support. I suddenly felt a shiver run up my back, even though sweat beaded on my forehead, and I wrapped my arms around myself.  
“Inquisitor?”  
Sebastian was now in reaching distance and I haphazardly grabbed for his arm and thrusted myself into his chest. He stood still as I wrapped my arms around his waist and placed my cheek against his heart. The beating warmth beneath my cheek was comforting; I had almost forgotten how human touch felt. Cautiously, he placed his arms around me as well and lowered his head against mine.  
My eyes prickled with tears and suddenly Sebastian's undershirt was stained with moisture. He ran a hand through my wild, unbrushed hair, detangling the knots from the day spent in bed. Once my hair was smoothed out, his hand continued to my shoulder and then down to my back, rubbing up and down in a carefully calculated pattern. As my crying slowly subsided, I became aware of how shaky Sebastian's hands were.  
I pulled my head back to exam him. No doubt he was a handsome man with sharp features and stunning eyes, but he was also tense. His blue eyes met mine and we studied each other, willing to learn more about the other in this single look.  
“I’m sorry,” I finally said, seeing nothing but nervousness in him.  
He raised a questioning brow, “Sorry for what?”  
“This,” I nodded to our embrace.  
Sebastian gave me a tight lipped smile, “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”  
I smiled in reply and tried to pull away from his loose grasp, but his muscles suddenly tensed and his arms kept me close to him.  
“Inquisitor, I…” he broke off before reaching for my chin and dipping his head to be level with me. He swiftly pressed his lips against mine.  
I stood there, shocked, still in his arms. My head scrambled for the appropriate response. Simultaneously I wanted to push Sebastian off, but also bring him closer to me. With no further thought, I let my body proceed with what felt right and I wrapped my arms around his neck to bring the would be king of Starkhaven closer to me.  
His lips were warm and soft, but inexperienced as he awkwardly fumbled with my top lip. With Cullen, our kisses felt like two pieces of a puzzle that fit perfectly together. Sebastian was obviously nervous. I pulled away from him and his blue eyes were set ablaze with something that I’d seen from other men.  
I took charge then, grabbing him by the shirt to bring his lips once more to mine. They crashed together and I started to nibble playfully at his bottom lip, he groaned appreciatively in reply. Lips still connected, I took both his hands into mine and placed them on my hips, he did so willingly. His hot breath fevered my skin, making me crave any touch from him as I tried to will myself closer, even though we were already toe-to-toe. 

Slowly, I traced his bottom lip with my tongue; as I did so, Sebastian moved his hands from my hips to my backside, appreciating it with his rough hands. The dress I wore was so thin that I felt every fingertip against me. Quite suddenly Sebastian pushed me back onto the kitchens preparation table, my bottom smacking hard against the worn-in wood, and he slowly began to raise my dress hem to spread my thighs apart with his. I gasped when he slithered between my legs and took my hair into a fist to pull it back and raise my lips up to his. I couldn’t help but giggle at his newfound confidence.  
Sebastian pulled away then, looking at me with wounded eyes. “Did I do something wrong?” he asked.  
“No, not at all,” I replied, breathy.  
“Then why did you-”  
I placed a finger over his lips and slowly snaked my hand up his thigh, applying varying amounts of pressure as I worked my way up to his hip. He leaned his head back at my touch and groaned so loudly that it reverberated deep inside me. A spark of pleasure ran through my body from his response. Taking my time, I worked my hand up to Sebastian's abdomen to feel the hard sinew beneath my fingertips, then moved both my hands to his biceps, to feel the same hard muscle there as well. It had been a long time since I touched a man in this way, I had forgotten how nice it felt to have flesh against flesh.  
Watching his face go from an awkward uncertainty to fiery confidence made me feel things I had not felt since long before Cullen died. Cautiously, I worked my hands back down his chest and down each groove of his abs through his undershirt until my fingers hovered above the string of his pants. Taking a deep breath, I grabbed for the string, tugging slowly on it until it unraveled.  
Our eyes met in the quiet darkness of the night. The kitchen ovens flames were now extinguished and the coals were starting to lose their warmth. I shivered, not from the cold air that suddenly seemed to sweep through the room, but from the prospect of what might happen here. With a nod of assurance to myself, I gulped down the reservoir of saliva that welled up in my mouth and started to inch down the loose fitting pants from Sebastian's hips.  
Just has the fabric broke free from Sebastian's backside, a clattering noise came in through the door.  
“Boss?”  
The darkened shape of Iron Bull came towards us as Sebastian and I both lept away from each other. Sebastian hopped slightly to get his pants back on and I stood and adjusted my dress before clearing my throat.  
“Yes, Bull?”  
Even through the darkness Bull clearly saw how disheveled I looked. He raised a brow and looked between Sebastian and I.  
“I didn’t see you head back to your quarters, I just wanted to see if you were alright,” he took a pause to look at both of us once more and laughed, “I can see that you’re doing just fine.”  
Sebastian swept a hand through his hair in a hauntingly familiar fashion. “Ah, thank you, Lady Inquisitor, for the lesson in Ferelden cheeses and wine. It was enlightening.”  
Bull couldn’t stop his laughter as I stared blank faced at the wall.  
“I’m afraid it is rather late though, so I must be off to bed. Inquisitor. Commander.” Sebastian bowed to me and nodded to Iron Bull before strolling out the door Bull came through.  
“And here I thought you didn’t like him,” Bull roared humorously.  
“Not a word of this to anyone.”


	10. Pillow Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that I changed the story rating from Teen to Mature. The following chapter has smut...and it is primarily smut. Thanks and happy reading! ;)

Taking the long walk up the several flights of stairs I finally made it back to my room, breathless and foodless. I wasn’t hungry, for food, anymore anyways. The night had taken an interesting and dangerous turn. I could still feel Sebastian's lips against mine and it left me wanting. Sighing heavily, I pushed myself off the door and ventured up the last few steps that lead me to the confines of my bed. Before even getting into bed however, I slipped out of the wrinkled formal gown and threw it on the cheise across from me. I would figure out if I wanted to keep the thin piece of fabric in the morning, after I’ve slept off whatever came over me tonight.  
What did happen with Sebastian was a mistake, I knew that, but the interaction felt nice and it was something I had sorely missed. Since Cullen died I had felt alone. For six months I pushed away my friends and family to the point where I felt like a hermit that would peak her head out when it was absolutely necessary. Sebastian was a novelty for me, someone new I could play with and someone I had not yet hurt. He didn’t look at me the way my other companions did, with sympathy and unknowing. Sebastian lived his own terrors in Starkhaven and Kirkwall, he looked at me with understanding and camaraderie.  
Once sheathed from the dress, I crawled into bed, happy to be within it once more. The moon had finally come out from behind a thick blanket of clouds and I curled up on my side to look out through the balcony opening as I have many times before. Cullen would often come in from a long night in his office pouring over plans and slide in behind me, pulling me into his embrace. 

\-----------------------------

“Do you think we should start trying?” I asked groggily.  
I had stirred awake when Cullen slide into the bed beside me, it dipped under his weight. He wrapped his body around mine, slipping an arm under my neck, leaving his other arm free to enveloped me from the front. He put his hand against my stomach, splaying his fingers out, and hitched his leg up over mine.  
“Try what, darling?” he asked with a soft voice that was muffled behind me. His nose was against my hair and he inhaled deeply.  
I wiggled my arm free from under the weight of his and put my hand over the hand he had against my stomach. “For a baby,” I responded sleepily.  
Even in my slumbering daze I felt my husband tense from behind me. I quickly turned around under the weight of his heavy limbs to see him face-to-face. His brown eyes were wide.  
“A baby,” Cullen echoed quietly.  
I pressed my palm against his stubbled cheek, his eyes met mine as I did so. He studied me then, in the darkness, looking for something.  
“What’s wrong?” I asked, feeling suddenly self conscious.  
“You’re not already,” he took a pause to gulp, “with child, are you?”  
I laughed, “For the love of Andraste, no!”  
As if seeing ice melt away, Cullen immediately softened. He let out a relieved sigh, “Oh, thank the Maker.”  
My humored expression faded away at his reply. I looked at my relieved husband with heavy eyes.  
“What is it, my darling?” Cullen pressed a rough hand to my cheek this time, warming my cold skin.  
“You don’t want children?”  
Cullen’s brown eyes met mine in the moonlit room. Although I was in shadow to him, I could make out all of his features as if it were daylight. However, even in the darkness, he wiped away a stray tear with his finger that fell from my eye and down my cheek. He took a deep, steady breath that expanded his chest against mine. I could tell he was carefully thinking over his answer.  
“It’s not that I don’t want children,” he started, speaking slowly as to make sure he conveyed the right words, “I do. But, we have a lot of factors that may play into having them.”  
“Such as?” I mumbled.  
“The Inquisition, to start.”  
I scoffed and pulled away from his grasp to roll flat onto my back. “Can’t this be my one decision? The one decision that I can make personally for me without thinking about anyone else? What harm could I cause anyone by having a child?”  
Cullen laid on his side with his hand propping up his head on the pillow. I could tell he was watching me carefully.  
“The Inquisition is your number one priority right now-”  
I cut him off, “You’re my top priority.”  
He chuckled and smiled sweetly, “As much as I appreciate the sentiment, I know that’s not true.” Leaning his free hand out, he rubbed his knuckles softly against my cheek when I frowned. “And I do not care if I’m not the top, or even the second or third. The Inquisition is far more important than I. I am only lucky enough to be apart of it and, more importantly so, to be loved by it’s leader.”  
I closed my eyes at his welcome touch. It soothed me more than anything else could.  
“And a baby?” I questioned after a long pause.  
“And a baby,” Cullen gave me a lopsided smile, “would be your first priority, no longer the Inquisition. That might not bode well for others.”  
“That is no ones business, except for yours and mine.”  
Cullen blinked at me with sleepy eyes and smiled softly. “Yes, I agree,” he said huskily. “Also,” he began again, “our child would be a target for our enemies. A weakness, if you will.”  
“A chink in our armor…” I frowned again.  
“Exactly. The child would need to learn how to fight at a young age and always be heavily guarded.”  
I nodded to myself at his words. They were true, of course, but kings and teryns did it, we could as well. Although, it was not a proper life for a child to be constantly monitored and be taught how to wield a blade.  
“What other factors are there?” I asked after quiet contemplation.  
My husbands eyes were closed. “Hmm?” his voice hummed deeply, making the bed vibrate beneath us.  
“The other factors, what are they?”  
“Oh, those…” he hesitated and blinked rapidly, trying to push aside his drowsiness. He rolled onto his back now too.  
I waited for Cullen to answer and decided to take a chance glance at him after a few quiet moments passed. He was staring up at the dark ceiling.  
“Cullen, what is it?”  
“What about...the lyrium?”  
My brows creased, “What about the lyrium? You haven’t used it for such a long time.”  
He quickly glanced at me.  
“Cullen?”  
“Y-yes, of course not,” he cleared his throat, “I’m just concerned about any effects it might have on a child. It may not be in my blood any longer, but maybe it changed something inside me.”  
Sighing, I inched my arm across the bed until I felt him and clasped my hand into his. I turned to look at him again as he turned to look at me. “We can have Dagna look into any long term consequences taking the lyrium might have caused,” I suggested.  
My husband shook his head, “No, let’s not add anyone else to this, but us.”  
I turned my body to the side again, placing a hand under my head to keep it propped up. “I’m willing to take the risk.”  
Cullen followed my movements and went back to his side as well. He grabbed my free hand and squeezed it between us. “There are other risks to think of as well.”  
Looking down, I started to absentmindedly rub my thumb against his palm. I knew how ticklish he was there and I smiled without joy. “The mark,” I muttered.  
“Yes. Maker only knows what something like that can do to a baby, if you can even-” he stopped himself from going any further, but I knew full well what he was about to say.  
“We can at least try. There’s no harm in trying.”  
Cullen let out a breathy laugh, “You are ever vigilant, my dear wife.”  
“How do you think I ended up with this job?”  
He laughed loudly, but I could see how tired he was.  
Pushing myself up and over to him, I carefully climbed on top of my broad husband and sat, resting as much weight onto my knees as I could. I bent down and nuzzled his nose with mine before kissing him chastely on the forehead.  
“So then, Commander Rutherford?”  
“So, then…” he took a deep inhale of breath and sighed heavily, raising me slightly, “I suppose we can try.”  
I squeaked like an inebriated nug and kissed his forehead again.  
“Andraste help anyone that gets in the way of the Inquisitors child.”  
“Or the Commanders, for that matter.”  
He snorted and closed his eyes in complete comfort, “Indeed, I suppose you’re right.” 

I bent down again, kissing his nose and both cheeks before settling on his lips once more. Cullen was somehow already half asleep, even though my weight rested on him, but he kissed me softly back. Bending down even closer, I put my lips against his ear and whispered, “You know, Commander, there is fun to be had in making a baby.”  
Cullen’s bright bronze eyes quickly flitted open, meeting mine, and he moaned somewhere deep within. “Is that so, Lady Inquisitor?” he smirked up at me. Reaching a hand up to my face, he pushed back a stray strand of hair dangling in my eyes and folded it behind my ear. “You’re so beautiful,” he remarked, gazing up at me.  
I blushed and fevered under his admiration. I grabbed his hand with both of mine and closed my eyes before nuzzling my cheek against his palm.  
“Look at me,” Cullen’s commanding voice vibrated beneath me, sending shockwaves of desire through me.  
My eyes popped open as my skin prickled from his voice; I whimpered when I felt him grow beneath me. Letting go of his hand, I put both of mine against his chest, feeling the firm muscle beneath my palms, and worked down his torso to hover just above the top of his lounging pants. I stared at him behind a desirous gaze and met his eyes with the same intense yearning as my own. Reaching up, Cullen wrapped a hand around the back of my neck and pulled me down to him. He nipped my bottom lip before parting them open with his to kiss me. I could taste the perfect mixture of ale and his scent in my mouth, I sighed appreciatively at the familiar burn of arousal.  
Cullen rubbed his strong hands up and down my back, working out the tension that wreaked havoc on my muscles daily. I, in reply, rubbed his chest, feeling the familiar ripples of muscle and healed scars through his night shirt. 

We stayed this way - me on top of him, our lips together, hands never leaving each other - for an unmeasurable amount of time, until he gently pushed me away to the side, far enough to now kiss at my neck. He licked and sucked and nipped on the thin, fragile flesh there until I moaned and whimpered.  
“I think you should take this off,” he whispered into my ear as he pulled at the hem of my sleeping gown.  
“Yes,” was all I could say in a raspy voice that didn’t sound like my own.  
He slowly, torturously, pulled the gown up my back as I hastily pulled the front. Together we took it off before Cullen tossed it in a heap to the floor.  
“And yours?” I asked, feeling vulnerable on top of my fully clothed lover.  
“Fair is fair,” he replied as we, together, took the thin shirt off of Cullen.  
“And these?” I asked after my fingers lithely worked their way down his chest and wiggled into the waist of his pants, between fabric and flesh.  
Cullen closed his eyes and moaned with a familiar, vibrating hum beneath me. 

Before I could pull on the leather cord that held his pants up, Cullen flipped me off of him, onto my back, and straddled me. His bare chest against mine, he kissed me once more, but with more force than before. I moaned into his mouth as I felt him harden further against me, even through his pants.  
When his lips once again left mine, I was breathless. I watched as he backed away from me on the bed and started tugging and undoing the leather lace of his pants. He quickly pulled the confining fabric down his waist and firm ass to kick them off. Running his hands up my legs to my knees, he slowly pushed my thighs apart. I surrendered to the former Templar and let him take charge. With my legs spread open before him, I was completely naked and aching.  
Licking his lips, Cullen looked at me with fire in his eyes. “Beautiful, my darling wife.”  
“Cullen,” I breathed out. I was so pent up, so ready for him.  
“Mmm,” he moaned in response when he took both of my bare, swollen breasts in his rough hands, applying different amounts of pressure to each. He studied my face and gave me a sexy smirk before bending down to take a nipple between his teeth. Teasing me, my husband lick and bit at the nub until I gasped loudly. I was ready for release.  
“Cullen, please,” I moaned breathlessly, throwing my hands into his tousled hair and gripping tightly.  
He peered up at me with the same smirk as before and took the other nipple to his mouth to continue the rhythmic assault.  
I jerked and trembled, trying to hold back my groaning whimpers of pleasure, but he kept up his teasing torture until I called out his name once more. 

He chuckled against my breast, sending a wave of warmth up my body. Pushing himself up, Cullen gazed at me like he was worshiping my full, plump body, ready to ravish and devour me. He watched my face as he slowly slipped into me, but only slightly, before pulling out. He continued again and again, teasing me until I felt a carnal heat wash over me.  
I threw my head back, releasing a guttural moan, as my back arched from the euphoria building inside me. My breathing quickened as Cullen continued the torturous pleasure onslaught. Only when I started to quiver, Cullen finally entered me, plunging hard with a rocking force that pushed me up the bed. I screamed out and bucked beneath him, elated to take whatever assault the Commander would give me.  
My hands smacked and splayed against Cullen's back before my nails scraped down his sweat dampened skin. He growled out and started to ram into me faster. I slammed my arms against the bed to grab hold of the sheets to keep from moving away from the ongoing penetration. With each forceful pound Cullen gave, I thrusted my hips up and welcomed them all. The sheets were taut and knotted in my hands, making them ache, but I ignored shaking muscles in my arms.  
I felt my body tense up, it was ready to explode with a powerful climax. Each slamming pummel made me cry out Cullens name like a swear or praise, I wasn’t sure which. Cullen's moans, in return, made me even more pleased knowing I did to him what he did to me.  
Cullen picked up an unrelenting pace just as I felt my breath catch in my throat. My body began to tighten and intensely convulse as I found my release with a world shattering explosion of ecstasy. I shuddered beneath my husband and threw back my head to incoherently sob out words. Cullen's release followed mine as I felt his body constrict around me. He breathlessly came inside me, saying my name as if saying a prayer to the Maker. 

My limbs relaxed as my husband sank on top of me. We both trembled as we tried to catch our breaths. I could feel Cullen's heart pound against my breast, beating rapidly as if he’d ran miles. I stretched my toes and fingers out, not realizing how much I curled or fisted them. Droplets of sweat beaded on our foreheads and in the crevices of our limbs.  
As our breathing slowed, we stayed entwined with each other. Cullen's head rested against my shoulder as I sleepily curled his hair around my fingers. His hot breath comfortingly hit my face and I closed my eyes in pure content. 

I was roused awake when I no longer felt Cullen’s body on me.  
“I’m sorry,” he said above me, propping himself up with his arms, “I didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep.” Pushing himself up and off the bed, Cullen turned about the room. Finding his pants in the darkness, he slowly put them on one leg at a time until they hung just carefully off his hips. Our eyes met and I felt the familiar hunger throb in me once more.  
“Where are you going?” I asked, patting my hand on the bed to coax my husband back.  
He gave me a lopsided smirk, “Unquenchable, aren’t we?”  
I nodded drowsily before laying my head back on the pillow.  
“I’m wide awake. I’m going to go do a round on the walls, then head to my office and go over paperwork.”  
Gathering the sheets from under me and pulling them up to cover myself from the chilly air of the open balcony, I sighed, “You should get some sleep.”  
Cullen came to my side of the bed and bent down to kiss my forehead, “I will, darling.”  
“That’s an order, Commander.”  
I heard him chuckle before descending the stairs. I was asleep again before the door latch shut.

\-----------------------------

I watched the moon dance across the night until the sun lightened the sky to a golden orange dawning of a new day. Only then, once the birds started to sing in the courtyard, that I closed my eyes and fell into a dreamless slumber that Sebastian couldn’t invade.


	11. Letters/A Late Night Visitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! I'm VERY sorry for the delay. Life, ya know? But, I have built up a couple of chapters and plan to release a new chapter on Fridays. Hope you enjoy!

“Message for you, Inquisitor,” the messenger handed me the flimsy wisp of paper before bowing and striding out of the room. 

A few days had passed since Sebastian and I had our encounter in Skyhold's kitchen. He had sent word the morning after that he would stay a little longer than he previously planned. Begrudgingly, and at the erging of Josephine, I sent a message back welcoming the prince to stay for as long as it pleased him.  
I did not tell anyone about our rendezvous aside from Iron Bull, who had walked in on us, and Cole, who looked at me oddly when I ran into him in the library that following afternoon and muttered, “She doesn’t want to admit that his embrace made her feel things she’d never thought to feel again.” I quickly left the library, avoiding any further reddening of my face. 

I went to work on the stack of swaying letters that Cassandra had towered on my desk. Most documents just needed signatures to approve deployment of soldiers to help a village or to search for something of interest. Others were letters from noble houses, requesting my presence at an event that had long since past. 

I had finally made decent progress with the tower when the messenger entered my room and handed me the letter. It was in a familiar hand and I instantly regretted opening it. 

_Sister,_

_It has been months since I last heard from you. I’d like to know how you are doing. I hope all is well with you, and the Inquisition. Clare has been asking about her Aunt. She’d like to see you again. She has gotten so big since you saw her last. Clare looks more and more like Cullen each time I look at her, especially her smile, it almost breaks my heart._

_Please write back to me. Don’t leave me wondering like Cullen did for so many years. It’s seems he found himself when he found you._

_Clare says ‘ello._

_Lots of love,_

_Mia_

I read it over several times before folding the letter back up and placing it in the drawer next to me, I would deal with that later. 

It was just after sunset when I stood and walked away from the desk, feeling accomplished in clearing the entire stack of papers. I ventured down to the hall, feeling lighter than before, and hungrier than I had felt in a very long time. Once I exited into the hall, Cassandra called me over from one of the long tables. 

“Inquisitor!” she waved, seeking my attention.  
Cassandra had a mug of ale in hand and she was leaning against Bull with a smile I had never seen on her face before.  
“What’s going on here?” I asked with a curious smile.  
“Can you believe it? Varric put me in a book!” The Seeker pulled out a leather bound book from her back pocket and raised it for me to see.  
I smiled widely at my friend. “Really?” I asked, taking the book and flipping it open, feathering the pages out. I caught glimpses of familiar names and places in the print. “Am I in this one as well?”  
Cassandra let out a resounding giggle, making me take a step back with wide eyes. “Of course you are!” Cassandra exclaimed before taking a long drink of ale.  
“How much has she had?” I nodded to Iron Bull.  
He chucked, “She out drank me. Me!”  
“Maker, what has gotten into you, Cassandra?”  
She smiled.  
“You don’t even know what I’m saying, do you?”  
Her smile widened and she nodded incoherently.  
Bull and I exchanged knowing looks.  
“Okay, time to call it a night. Let’s go, Cassandra. I’ll walk you to your room.” I took her arm and placed it behind my head before pulling her close to my side and holding onto her hip to keep her upright.  
We stumbled clumsily through the hall before finding our groove. Slowly, we made it through the doors and down the long stairs, leading out into the courtyard. Cassandra giggled and snorted, mumbling nonsense the entire time. I laughed quietly to myself.  
The walk, that usually was a quick jog, seemed unending as Cassandra leaned more of her weight on me.  
“Come on, Cassandra, help me out some,” I strained to go any further, even though we were just steps away from the door of the requisition office where Cassandra made her bed.  
“I’m sorry, my friend.”  
“There’s just a few more steps-”  
“No,” Cassandra cut me off, “I am sorry about everything that has happened. With Cullen, it should have been me. He asked me to put him down if…”  
I sighed heavily, still trying to keep us both upright, “It’s alright, Cass-”  
“It shouldn’t have been your duty to kill him. You were his wife, what a horrible burden to live with...”  
“Cassandra, please-”  
“And Prince Sebastian, promising your hand to him. It was none of my business to interfere with your personal life, you just looked so sad…”  
“Stop!” I roared as I tried to keep my strength to hold onto her still. “Stop this, all of it.”  
“I only meant to-”  
“You don’t think I haven’t thought about any of this? I have replayed that day in my head everyday since. Cullen became a threat, the red lyrium...poisoned his mind, as Samson did. It had to be me, I had to be the one to end him...he was my husband, my responsibility. I should’ve known, why couldn’t I see what he was doing? Why couldn’t I see the changes?” I sobbed.  
Cassandra's weight suddenly became unbearable and my grip slipped. She fell to the ground with a puff of air as her bottom hit the dirt. Her wide brown eyes met mine with amusement.  
“Ow,” she laughed out.  
I laughed now too, “Well, that’s what you get for trying to out drink Iron Bull.”  
“He dared me, I never say no to a dare.”  
I smirked, offering my hand down to the Seeker.  
Cassandra took it and gripped to pull herself up and off the muddied dirt. She swatted at her bottom, trying to free some of the caked on muck, but let out a disgusted noise. “This will never come out.”  
Amused, I shook my head and pulled her close to me again to start for the door with my friend in tow. “Come on, we’re almost there.”

Once unclothed from the dirty and damp items, Cassandra slinked into the made up cot.  
“You can have a nicer room, you know,” I commented as I picked up the clothing and draped them over a nearby chair.  
“Whatever for?” she asked, sleepily.  
“I just mean, this is tight living spaces and we have plenty of available rooms that you can have.”  
She sighed, rolling onto her back, “I don’t need anymore than what I have.”  
“Very well. Good night, Cassandra,” I turned to take my leave when I noticed a note on the nearby table in a familiar hand.  
_Inquisitor Trevelyan_ , it read.  
“What’s this?” I asked, picking up the scrap of paper and waving it in the air.  
The Pentaghast heir yawned loudly, peeking up at me with one eye. “It’s a letter from Varric, it came with the book. I meant to give it to you…”  
“What did it say? Did you read it?”  
“Of course not.”  
I wondered what news Varric had sent. Slipping the letter in my breast pocket, I started back for the door.  
“Inquisitor, wait,” Cassandra called from the bed, making me turn to meet her mournful eyes, “Cullen, he fooled us all. No one knew what struggles he was going through. But, he loved you, he loved you with a fire I never thought possible for a person to possess. I hope you know that.”  
I fought back the tears that welled in my eyes. I was so sick of crying. I gave my friend a thin lipped smile before turning to blow out the nearby candle and gripping the doorknob. “I know,” I said and shut the door firmly behind me.

\------------------------------ 

_Lady Inquisitor,_  
_I hope this letter finds you well and you enjoy my new, critically acclaimed best seller. This shit literally writes itself. I can’t even feel bad for taking the readers coin if they’re wasting it buying this garbage. I’ve used some of my profits to help rebuild Kirkwall. There’s still all kinds of crap that need fixing here and somebody has got to do it, might as well be me._  
_Bartrand is almost sane again. The effects from the red lyrium have taken a long time to wear off, but he isn’t seeing our dead parents anymore, so I’m taking that as a good sign._  
_Hawke is still off rebuilding the Grey Wardens. I haven’t heard from her for sometime, but she was getting close on tracking the Hero of Ferelden last I heard. Apparently her and Blondie used to be buddies. I’m sure King Alistair would pay a handsome reward for information on her whereabouts. Ferelden with a stray Queen Consort, I guess Kirkwall isn’t the only place with problems._  
_Anyways, to the issue of why I wrote. I heard Choir Boy, I mean, Prince Sebastian of Starkhaven, is currently making home in Skyhold. Not that it’s any of my business, and after everything with Curly you deserve happiness, but I’d watch my back if I were you. The man is not everything is may appear to be. He did try to invade Kirkwall, after all._  
_Look out for yourself, Inquisitor._

_\-- Varric Tethras of Kirkwall_

I dropped the letter on my newly cleared desk and sighed. Just another thing to add to the mess. What did Varric mean about Sebastian? If I wasn’t unsure of him already, this was surely enough to make me push him away even further. 

A sudden knock came from the door, echoed up the stairs, and into my chamber. It was late, or early, I wasn’t sure which. I stood and padded over to the door after grabbing a silk Orleasion robe and wrapped it around me. Opening the door slightly, my eyes stung from the candle light that pierced through the darkness.  
“Oh, apologies,” a familiar accented voice spoke and quickly moved the candle from my face. Sebastian's blue eyes suddenly pierced mine.  
“Sebastian, it’s rather late. Is everything alright?”  
“I-I-I-I’m not sure,” he stuttered, “May I come in?”  
I internally sighed and took a step back to open the door wide enough for him to enter. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear what he had to say, but once he entered and started to stroll up the stairs, I closed the door and walked up after him. 

I watched as he glanced around my chamber, taking in the sights of the Inquisitors private quarters. Suddenly, I felt relieved as I shot a look at my desk to find it empty of the stack of paperwork that had been there only hours before, until my eyes settled on the lettered warning from Varric about Sebastian. I quickly shot across the room just as the prince started towards the desk. Running into the piece of furniture so hard that it would definitely leave a bruise, I leaned across the desk to shade the letter from view. Sebastian stopped and looked at me with quizzical eyes as I gave him a thin smile.  
“Was there something you needed, Sebastian?” I asked, trying to take his attention away from whatever had caught it.  
“Yes...no...well,” he started, but sighed heavily as his shoulders slumped forward.  
I sighed as well, not in the mood for the man and his games. “Sebastian, it’s very late and I really need to head to bed-”  
“Marry me.”  
I stood like a stone, mouth gaped open. It took a few moments before I could remember to talk again. “What?” I asked, confused.  
His eyes pierced mine once more as he smiled coyly, “Marry me.”


	12. Secret Meetings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: It's at the beginning of the chapter, but I just wanted to make it clear we're jumping back the seven months before the events of this story.   
> Happy Reading :)

Seven Months Earlier

I woke in a startled state. Residual nightmares of Corypheus and the Fade still haunted my dreams, even though months had passed since our victory. I grasped at the blankets next to me, finding the bed empty, aside from myself. Cullen was gone, again. The night was still young, maybe just after midnight from the way the moon lit up our chamber.   
Is he on watch?, I thought hard, trying to remember what day it was.   
Just as I figured out it was Tuesday and that was not his normal day to stand watch, the mark began to pulsate and sent a shock of pain up my arm. I clenched at my marked hand with the other and cried out.   
Where is Cullen?

When the pain subsided enough for me to gain the strength to stand, I hobbled out of bed and started for the stairs, grabbing a scratchy blanket from the chaise and wrapping it around me before descending.   
The halls of Skyhold were eerily quiet at night, I loathed the emptiness that filled the halls after sundown. My bare feet echoed off the walls and back at me, making me feel like I was being watched. The main hall was empty and the tables cleared, putting finality on the desertion. I continued down the hall and through the door that lead me to the kitchen, the door groaned loudly when I pushed it open, only to find more emptiness. I sighed heavily and shut the door before turning around to retrace my steps back to the hall. 

I took two steps at a time, the cold stung at my feet and my toes were becoming numb, as I descended the grand stairs to the grassy courtyard. After all our time at Skyhold, grass had finally began to grow once I shoo’d away the troops from using it as a training arena. Cullen laughed when he saw the faces of the soldiers as I yelled at them to find a new spot to roll around in. He said they were often more scared of me than him, which made him laugh harder when the soldiers quickly ran away from me.  
“Perhaps they need a new Commander if they’re not quite scared of you enough,” I joked.   
“Maybe so,” he smirked, “although, using fear to command soldiers is not often the best method.”  
“I’m not scary, am I?” I frowned.  
“Only in the mornings,” Cullen laughed.   
I punched his shoulder and he only laughed harder. 

 

“Where is he?” I now muttered to myself as I continued through the frosted grass, coming up to the Herald’s Rest. Quietly, I opened the door to the tavern and peaked inside. Bull’s Chargers were strewn across the floor and furniture, asleep in a drunken stupor, but Bull was still upright and sitting alone at the bar. I pushed the door open wide enough to squeeze into and tip-toed over to the large, horned Qunari warrior. Even after all this time, I was awestruck by the size of Bull.   
“Bull,” I whispered beside him, drawing his attention away from the ale in his hands.   
“Boss?” he asked, turning his head in the direction of my voice.   
“Have you seen Cullen?”  
He took a long swig from the mug, as if thinking over his answer. “No,” he finally said, “not recently.”  
I sighed again, “He’s not on watch tonight either. I can’t find him anywhere.”  
“Have you tried the…” Bull stopped, suddenly seeming to remember that he shouldn’t have said anything.  
I raised my brow at him, “Tried the what?”   
“...I shouldn’t have said anything.”  
“What’s going on, Bull? What do you know?”  
He put his mug down on the bar and turned to fully face me now while letting out a long sigh. I could smell the ale on his breath and it made me blanch.   
“Cullen has been going down to the prison.”  
“The prison? Whatever for-” I started to ask out loud, but I already knew the answer. I took a cautious seat next to Bull. “Samson.”   
“Samson isn’t giving direct answers to any of our questions. It infuriates Cullen to no end.”  
I grabbed Bulls mug and took a long drink of ale. This was not good. As soon as the liquor hit my throat, I felt the marks throb begin to subside. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?” I asked.  
“I thought you’d know...notice him missing at night.”  
“No…” I started, but knew I had noticed him disappearing at night. Some nights I woke up to find our bed empty, like tonight. Why didn’t I know?  
I pushed myself off of the bar and stood, causing the chair beneath me to screech and make Krem stir in the corner.   
“Do you want me to come with?” Bull asked, already starting to stand.  
I shook my head at him, “No, I’d rather go alone.”  
He nodded before sitting down once more to finish the ale and lick his lips in finality. “Krem!” he suddenly called out, startling me.  
Krem hesitantly stood from a chair in the corner and sauntered over to us. “Yeah, Chief?” he asked.   
“Go with the Inquisitor-”  
I waved my hands to dismiss the idea, but Bull just raised a finger at me and continued.   
“-to the prison. Just watch her back.”  
Krem nodded, “Alright, Chief.”  
“Bull,” I objected, “this is entirely unnecessary. Samson is-”  
“Samson is a manipulator and a lyrium addict. I’d feel better with Krem there if things go sideways.”  
I begrudgingly agreed and headed for the door with Krem in tow. 

The prison door was cracked and I opened it wide enough to let myself and Krem in and down the set of stairs. I listened hard to the conversation ahead of me. The voices were muffled, only a few words could be heard as we descended, but I could clearly make out Cullen’s voice between the two. The closer we got to the cell, the clearer the voices became.   
“...need lyrium.”  
“The Inquisition won’t supply your addiction, Samson.”  
“Doesn’t it call to you, Cullen? The craving must still be inside you.”  
“No.”  
“Well now, that didn’t sound convincing.”  
“It’s...been a long time since I had it...I…”  
“It’s what gave Templars the advantage. What are you without it? Just a man in fancy armor.”  
A heavy fist pounded against a table.   
“I am the commander of the Inquisition!”  
Samson snickered a laugh, “And a fancy title.” It was silent for a moment until he sighed, “Face it, Cullen. You are weak.”  
“No…”  
“No?   
“...I’m fine. I,” Cullen sighed deeply, “I do miss it.”

I quickly descended the remaining stairs and entered into the small interrogation room off to the side. Samson’s eyes met mine instantly, a curious smile curled his lips, and I eyed the room to find Cullen slouching against the wall, not facing me.   
“Hello, Inquisitor! How nice of you to visit,” Samson’s smile widened.  
Cullen quickly spun around to face me, his face pale and hair in total disarray, a look of shock was plastered across his face.   
“Three visitors in one night. How lucky for me.”  
Krem took a step into the cell now too, his hand hovered above the hilt of the sword at his side.   
“W-what are you doing here?” Cullen’s wide brown eyes met mine.   
“You were gone…”  
“Y-yes, I-I couldn’t sleep and-”  
“And here you are.”  
Cullen raked a hand through his hair and cleared his throat, “Yes, I can explain-”  
I raised a hand to stop him, “We’ll continue this later. Krem,” I asked, turning my head to look at my personal guard, “Please escort Samson back to his cell. The commander and I have some talking to do.”  
“Yes, ma’am,” Krem walked around the room and lifted Samson by the arm before pushing him forward. The former Templar gave me a wicked smile before leaving the room with Krem behind him. 

I turned an appraising eye back to my husband before leaning against the abused and aged table in the center of the room.   
Cullen watched me the entire time.  
“How long has this been going on?” I asked, folding my arms across my chest.   
Cullen raked another hand through his hair before crossing his arms as well, “It’s not what it looks like.”  
“How long?” my voice hitched.   
“Since we brought him to Skyhold.”  
I sighed to myself. How did I not notice this sooner? “Why? What have you been discussing with him? From the sound of things-”  
His arms dropped to his sides and his brows creased, “You heard? How much?”  
“Enough,” I blinked.  
Cullen quickly came over to me, “I’m not back on lyrium.”  
“So, I heard. But, you’ve obviously thought about it.”  
Sighing, Cullen leaned against the table too, “It...has crossed my mind.”  
“I thought we were over this? I thought you were doing fine?”  
“I took lyrium for so long...I always crave it, in some capacity.”   
Pushing myself off the table to put space between us, I shook my head in confusion, “I don’t understand. Why now? The fighting is done, why do you feel like you need lyrium now?”  
“I never said-”  
I cut him off, “I know what I heard, Cullen. You miss it. You miss the feel of it running through your veins...the power.”  
“No, I-”  
“Do you feel so weak without it, like less of a man? A soldier? You command Thedas’ largest army and still you feel so small to actually go back to lyrium?”  
Cullen quickly stood and pounded a hard fist on the table before he pushed it away from us and towards the opposite wall. It smacked hard and creaked, sending tiny shards of wood in the air.   
“Yes!” he yelled, “Yes! Is that what you want to hear? That I am weak and with little conscious? That I crave the power that I once felt run through me? That I miss the feeling of relief? Is that what you wanted to hear?!”  
I flinched away from him, suddenly feeling smaller than I ever have before. A rustle of noise came from outside the door before Krem came running into the interrogation room to look at me, to the table, to Cullen, and back at me.  
“Inquisitor?”   
“I’m fine,” I waved a hand at Krem without turning to look at him, instead keeping my eyes on Cullen as he did the same to me.  
“Ser,” he started as I felt him inch closer to me.  
Hesitantly, I turned my head to look at him. “Krem, thank you, I’m fine. Please, wait for me outside. I’ll be out in a moment.”  
Krem searched my eyes for something and nodded, leaving the room, but not before he glared at Cullen.   
Cullen sighed deeply and ran both hands through his hair. “Fuck,” he murmured to himself. “Just fucking perfect.”  
I swallowed a buildup of saliva and took an apprehensive step forward, raising both hands in the air to show that I meant no harm.   
Cullen’s forehead wrinkled as he watched me come closer. “You don’t have to...” he groaned. “For the love of the Maker, I’m not going to hurt you.”   
I placed a careful hand on his bicep, feeling the muscle bulge under his nightshirt. “Cullen, I…”  
Carefully, Cullen raised his hand to rest against my cheek. His hand was warm and I snuggled my face into his touch. “I love you,” he said softly, “I’d never do anything to harm you.”  
I looked up to see that he was watching me and I nodded. “I know,” I started, “and if you did harm me, or anyone else in Skyhold, I would kill you myself.”


	13. To the Window, To the Wall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note: smutty chapter. I tried to up my game from the previous smut chapter. Enjoy and have a great weekend!

“Now? After all this time?”  
“You are on the King's council.”  
“Yes, but…”  
Josephine sighed, “Inquisitor, King Alistair is requesting your presence for the council meeting. It is your duty to attend.”  
I raked my hand through my hair, a bad habit I picked up from my husband, “This is not the best time to leave Skyhold.”  
“Not attending would be an insult to the King and to Ferelden.”  
I sighed angrily, “They won’t even notice that I’m not there.”  
“The meeting is being held in your honor,” Josie looked at me pointedly.   
“Oh, for the love of the Maker,” I rolled my eyes, “Very well, I will attend.”  
“Excellent,” Josephine started scribbling at her candle ladened writing board, “I will make the necessary arrangements. King Alistair is requesting all of our companions that stayed with the Inquisition to attend as well. I will have everyone start preparing to leave.”  
I pushed away from my desk and started to stand from the solid wood chair, “I’ll let Cullen know as well.”  
“Err, Lady Inquisitor, Cullen will need to stay behind to keep watch over Skyhold. As commander-”  
“As my husband, Cullen needs to attend the meeting with me.”  
“What about me?” Cullen asked, walking up the last step to our quarters.   
A rift had grew between us since that night I found him with Samson, and this was a rift I couldn’t close with the mark.   
Josephine eyed me before bowing slightly and quickly exiting the room.   
“She seemed to leave in a hurry,” Cullen commented as he pulled his muddied shirt over his head and tossed it to a corner.  
I couldn’t help but look on and appreciate the curves of his muscular back as he gave it to me. “Yes,” I finally answered after clearing my throat, “We were discussing-”  
“Me? I heard,” Cullen interrupted. “What about me?” he asked again, finally turning and meeting my eyes as he slipped into a new, clean shirt.   
“King Alistair has called a council meeting and I must attend. He wishes I bring my companions that stayed on with us. And-”  
“And, I must stay here, to keep watch over Skyhold,” Cullen finished for me.  
“Josephine thinks that would be for the best, but I don’t think-”  
“I’ll be fine. Skipping a stuffy party would make me happier than going. And I would much rather not run into that Alistair again, after all the history we’ve had…”  
I cleared my throat again, “Cullen, I would feel much better if you attended the meeting with me. Not as the commander of the Inquisition, but as my husband.”  
Cullen raised a brow at me, “And who will stay and keep watch over Skyhold? As your husband, do I not have the responsibility of being second in command?”  
“I…” I never thought about it. Had he? “I’m not sure if that’s how it works with the Inquisition.”  
He gave me his sexy smile, the one I hadn’t seen in days, and he sauntered over to where I perched on my desk. “As Inquisitor,” he started, looking at me under full lashes, “I think you have the power to do whatever you wish.” He grabbed my hands into his and kissed each of my knuckles.   
“I-I-I s-s-suppose,” I stuttered as his kisses traveled up my arm and to my neck, where he nipped and sucked at the sensitive skin just below my throat. I hummed with satisfaction, welcoming the attention that I had desired for days since before that night with Samson. Continuing his upward journey, Cullen kissed my chin, nose, both cheeks, and forehead before his lips settled on mine. He was soft at first, as he gently kissed my lips, but he suddenly grew rough as he grabbed my head and kept it close to his. He pulled hard on my hair, tipping my head back to reveal my throat as he bit at the flesh. A satisfied moan left my lips and I could feel him smile before taking another nip of skin. With my hair wrapped in his fist, he continued down to my chest and the top of my breasts. Using his free hand, he ripped open the Orlesian silk robe I had wrapped around me, freeing my breasts, and took a nipple between his teeth. I gasped out in pleasurable awe.  
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, his breath skimmed across my nipples, making them harden beneath him, “especially when you look like this.” He cupped a breast and took the other nipple to his lips as he parted my thighs open with his knee. I willingly opened to him, wanting nothing more than him inside me. Letting my breast go, Cullen placed his warm, rough hand on my leg and slowly traveled to the junction of my thighs. I gasped as he found my wet, satin nub and folds.  
“Mmmm,” he moaned, sending shivers down my spine as his thumb started to slowly rub my clit in a circular motion.   
Cautiously, I reached out a hand to find his length straining against the front of his pants. I palmed at it, making him take pause, but he soon continued to massage my sensitive mound.   
“Cullen…” I breathed, but shuddered at his onslaught of arousal.   
“Mmm...yes?” he asked, working his lips back up to my throat and behind my ear.   
I started to gyrate my hips in the same motion as his thumb, trying to add more friction between us. “Please,” I breathed.   
“Please, what?”  
Clumsily, I loosened the leather cord of his pants with one hand and freed his erection. Grabbing his cock, I started to knead his member from base to tip and back again. Cullen’s breath hitched in my ear as he released a lethargic moan.   
“...I...need...you…” I whimpered between each shock wave that traveled through my body as my hand picked up pace on his satin shaft.   
Without warning, Cullen’s hand left me and his grip on my hair loosened. I was suddenly standing in his arms, his strong hand on my back to hold me upright as the other hand pushed all the items off my desk. He pushed me back down and thrusted my legs apart until I was completely naked and wide open to him. I smirked up at him.   
“What?” he asked with a knowing grin as he circled his cock teasingly over my slit.   
“You and desks,” I exhaled.  
He smiled again before slamming into me. I cried out from the unexpected, but welcome, surge of ecstasy. My fingers tightened around the lip of the desk to try to hold on as Cullen continued his unrelenting, vigorous pace. His hands cupped my breasts and thumbs brushed against my nipples, making them peak and throb even more than before.   
My breathing quickened as I felt my body tighten. I was ready for release. I met Cullen’s brown eyes and gave a half grin, but I couldn’t stop the primitive moans that left my lips. I was ready to peak and my body began to quiver, but Cullen quickly pulled out of me, leaving me empty and breathless.  
“Not yet,” he growled, picking me up off the desk and carrying me over to the bed. He dropped me unceremoniously before kneeling and grabbing my thighs to skid me across the sheets until my mound was to his mouth. Cullen began to lick and flick his tongue at my clit, making me whimper in a sound I didn’t recognize as my own. Continuing the tryst of orgasmic pleasure with his tongue, Cullen slid a single finger in and out of my crease in quick succession. With each flick up of the tongue, his finger entered me; with every flick down, he pulled out. Over and over he continued until I could only see stars across my vision. I screamed out obscenities and the Maker’s name, more so than any devout Sister ever has. Just as I was about to spiral to heights of exuberance that I’ve never reached before, Cullen stopped his frenzied torment and stood. I stared at him, panting. He stared back as he lifted his clean shirt up and over his head, dropping it to the floor.   
Risking a glance, his cock was proudly erected through the seam of his trousers.   
“See something you like?” he asked, bringing my eyes back to his.   
I couldn’t help but blush at being caught gawking. “No,” I squeaked, biting my lip.   
“No?” Cullen raised a brow, “Are you sure?” he questioned, giving me the same sexy grin he always did. He lifted his finger and twirled it, signaling me to get on my hands and knees. I complied immediately, turning over and putting my ass up in the air. His rough hands caressed my smooth skin, one cheek at a time, making my skin prickle from his warmth and the cold coming from the open balcony window. For a fraction of a moment, his hands left me, leaving me chilled, until his palm suddenly came down hard on a cheek. Flesh against flesh, the slap echoed through the room. I slightly jutted forward, accepting the blow and grunting as I felt fire exploded through my body. Again, his hand left me and I immediately anticipated the next slap as desire ran savagely through my veins, making me squirm.   
“Stay still,” Cullen spoke sternly from behind me.   
I whimpered slightly and complied. His hand came down again, this time on the other cheek, and I yelped out. I felt moisture build between my legs as he slapped my ass one more time before he grabbed my hips and thrusted into me again. I accepted each blow, feeling his hips dig into my skin and his fingers sink into my flesh, as I thrusted back into him as feverently in reply.  
We continued the restless torment as I felt my own release building once more. I knew Cullen’s was building as well from his moans and the tight grip he had on my hips. We were in our own bubble of time, where we were just man and wife and no longer constricted to our obligations as Commander and Inquisitor. Cullen grabbed my hair, making my head snap back as my moanings filled our stone quarters. I knew the sounds were bouncing off the walls, but in this moment, I did not care who heard. My body unwillingly began to quiver, my legs becoming unstable beneath me, as the orgasm hit me with tumultuous force. Cullen growled as his rigid cock pounded into my pussy a final time and throb as he came deep inside. I felt him tremble behind me before he pulled out and planted into the bed beside me, out of breath and sweating. 

“Maker’s breath,” I exhaled, slowly stretching out my limbs to lay on the bed beside Cullen.   
He was smiling up at me. “My heart is racing,” he said, wiping the sweat from his forehead away with the back of his hand.   
I placed a hand on his muscular chest to feel. “Are you alright, Cullen?” I asked when it kept a rapid pace beneath my fingertips.   
“I’m fantastic,” he smiled again, wrapping an arm around me to bring me closer. “I’ve never felt better.”  
Laying my head on his shoulder, I smiled too, even though he could not see it. “What brought that on?” I asked after a moment.   
“I’ve missed you. After…” he paused. “After-”  
“Samson?”  
I felt him nod, “Yes. After that night, the way you looked at me, I-”  
Carefully, I turned to my side and looked up at him. His brow was furrowed as I met his eyes. “Cullen, I-”  
“I have been a fool. To even think about taking lyrium again, to lose everything I have now, everything I have ever wanted...I would be a madman to give all of this up. To give you up,” Cullen reached for my face, his warm hand met my cheek and I closed my eyes at the comforting touch.  
“I’m glad to hear it,” I finally said after a moment of silence. “I have been worried.”  
“I know you have. That’s why, when you are off to Denerim, I will be transporting Samson to Orlais.”  
I twisted around to lay on my stomach and prop myself up with my arms to get a better look at him. “Really?” I asked. “You mean it?”  
Cullen chuckled, “I do. It’s time for him to go. It’s been far too long and he hasn’t told us anything.”  
“Oh, Cullen, that makes me so happy!” I smiled widely and pushed forward to plant a chaste kiss on his lips, but before I could pull away, he wrapped his arms around me and held me next to him. His hands ran down my back, massaging out any knots he felt. I moaned in a different kind of pleasure. His familiar warm and rough hands gave me comfort that nothing else did. Slowly, his hands worked down my back and to my backside to gently caress the skin that had been set aflame from his palm.   
“Are you alright?” he asked with concern in his voice.  
“Yes, why?”  
“Your ass is so red. I think I can make out my hand print.”  
I smirked, “I’m more than fine, Cullen.”  
“I know we have been rough before, but-”  
“Cullen,” I interrupted, “I’m fine. Believe me, that was excellent.”  
He met my eyes with his sexy grin, “Well, it is a rather nice shade of red…”  
Gently, he continued to massage my cheeks until I fell into a peaceful slumber. 

It was only when I felt the bed move beneath me that my eyes flitted opened again. I found Cullen shimmying into his pants.   
“Where are you going?” I asked sleepily.  
His head whipped around to look at me before he smiled, “I’m just going to get something to eat and bring your nightly wine. I’ll be back soon, darling.”  
“Thank you,” I sighed as I curled under the blankets and watched Cullen pull his shirt over his head before descending the stairs.

When I opened my eyes again, Cullen was still gone and the sun was rising over the Frostbacks.


	14. In a Glass Case of Red Lyrium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, I apologize for this chapter.   
> Secondly, I've been having a really hard time writing due to the content of this chapter and the next. It's taken a toll on me emotionally. Things in the story took a turn that I did not expect, but I felt like I had to go through with it.   
> I have only written a couple of paragraphs of the next chapter and I fear it won't be done by next Friday. So, please bookmark so you can be notified when I post it. 
> 
> Please be cautious going into this chapter.

“Well, that was an invigorating two weeks spent with a King who hates Tevintor even more than everyone else. How will I ever top that fun? Thank you, my dear Inquisitor, for taking me with you.”  
I stared blankly at Dorian.   
“No, really, I heartily mean it. What a joyous time-”  
“I agree,” I interjected, “that things could have gone smoother. But, Alistair was a gracious host, albeit a little too gracious at times.”  
Cassandra made a disgusted noise from behind me, “He finds himself to be a funny man. He is not.”  
“He had his moments…”  
“He misses his wife, she has been gone for so long. Where is she? Where is she?” Cole muttered.  
“And what was with all the cheese?” Iron Bull added. “I counted at least fifteen different cheeses in my cheese basket.”  
Dorian whipped his head to stare at the qunari, “You got a cheese basket?”  
Bull laughed.   
“It was nice to see Vivienne and Thom though,” I sighed.   
“I didn’t think Viv could find an even larger hat than before.”  
Cassandra chuckled, “It was rather large.”  
“How do you think she keeps it on her head?” Bull asked.  
“Hair full of secrets,” Cole answered.  
“Magic,” Dorian quipped.   
I shook my head, tightening the reins on my horse and proceeding forward on foot. “We’re almost home.”  
The journey from Denerim to Skyhold was slow going. The horses were over encumbered by all the gifts King Alistair graciously gave, including a twenty pound cheese wheel of his own making. We had to often stop and let the horses rest, or walk them instead of ride.  
My eyes pierced the sky as I made calculations in my head. “If we hurry, we can make it back to Skyhold before sundown.”  
“Why are you so anxious to get back? Missing the fair Commander, are we?” Dorian poked my shoulder.  
Bull met my eyes. I had made him and Krem promise not to tell anyone about Cullen’s time spent with Samson. It’d all be over by the time we reached Skyhold anyways. Cullen had vowed to send Samson to Orlais, finally getting him out of our lives and home. Even still, I was ready to get back as soon as possible. Lazing about Denerim palace was nice, for a little while, but the constant meetings and catering quickly got old.   
My forehead crinkled at my mage friend, “No, I’m...just tired. It’s been a long journey.”  
Dorian reached out a hand to grab my arm, letting our friends continue ahead while he examined my face. “What is it?” he asked, concern clear across his face.   
“Nothing,” I lied.  
He raised a brow, obviously not convinced, “Are you sure this has nothing to do with your meeting with the royal healer?”  
My eyes widened, “How did you…”  
“Oh please, gossip moves faster than a bronto on fire.”  
“Dorian, I…”  
He smiled coyly, “Does it have anything to do with your newfound glowing appearance?”  
I blushed and grinned at my friend, “Perhaps.”  
Dorian reached out a hand and gently placed it across my leathered midsection. “How far along are we?” he gushed.   
“Just a couple of weeks. I’m not going to say anything, for a little while, just in case…”  
“Oh, my dear. Everything will be fine,” his hand left my belly to grip my shoulder. “Does Cullen know?”  
“Not yet, that’s why I want to get back.”  
Dorian smiled knowingly, “Yes, you must be most anxious. Well, shall we? Before sunset, right?” He let me go and started back on the path towards our companions, who stopped under a shaded tree up ahead.  
I smiled brightly and placed a gentle hand across my stomach, trying to feel...anything. Sighing deeply, I tangled my hands in my horses reins once more and followed behind my friends.

\------------------------------

The sun was low, just setting behind one of the jutting peaks of the Frostbacks. We climbed up the final slope before Skyhold would come into view. The closer we got, the more my heart fluttered. I thought hard on our several day journey at how I would tell Cullen that we were expecting. In the end, I decided over a quiet dinner in our quarters would be best, away from prying eyes and ears.  
Iron Bull suddenly stopped, making the rest of us stop as well. “Do you hear that?” he asked.  
“I don’t hear anything,” I replied.  
“Exactly,” Cassandra remarked.  
Bull unsheathed the large dragonbone greatsword from his back, “We should be hearing Inquisition soldiers training. The sounds bounce off the mountains, we’d hear it from here. But, there’s nothing…”  
“We need to get moving,” Cassandra mounted her steed and started to dash up the dirt path. The four of us did the same until we caught up, pushing our horses past the point of exhaustion until we were riding across the stone bridge. No one was on watch as we crossed the open iron gate. My eyes flickered up to the walls and towers, no one on guard there either.   
“What’s going on here?” I whispered to myself.   
Bull, Cassandra, and Cole were instantly off their horses, weapons drawn.   
I hesitated and glanced at Dorian, who had just gotten off his horse and straightened out his robe. He must have felt my eyes on him, because he turned to look at me with worry.   
This was it, the moment I feared the most and one of the fears Cullen put to light when we first discussed having children. Putting my baby or the Inquisition first. Unknowingly, my hand sprawled against my stomach. I saw as everyone’s eyes met the spot and I saw the dawning realization cross their faces.   
“Inquisitor?” Cassandra’s voice was soft, a tone that I did not recognize as hers.   
“I’m fine,” I quipped, sliding off my horse and unsheathing my daggers as I started for the keep.   
“The baby or the cause? How can I choose? Why must I choose? Why not both, don’t I deserve both?”   
Bull took a step towards me, “Boss…”  
I whipped around, feeling tears sting my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. “I’m fine,” I repeated, “we need to figure out what’s going on. Let’s go.”  
My four friends looked at one another before following behind me.

Skyhold was quiet and still. I lead my companions through the lower courtyard, both warriors flanking me on either side with Dorian and Cole closely following behind. We slowly ascended the stairs adjacent to the Herald’s Rest, scanning the area to see anything, or anyone, of interest.   
“Inquisitor?” a tiny voice squeaked.  
A heap caked in mud suddenly jerked to life and I darted for it, my hands tightly wound around the hilts of my daggers. However, as I got closer, I screeched to a halt until I was standing just above the figure.  
“Harding?” I asked, brows furrowed.  
“It’s me. Help me up.”  
I sheathed the daggers and bent down to grab onto Harding’s arm, using my muscle to help her stand. “What happened here?” I asked once she was on two feet.  
“The commander, he-”  
“No…” I suddenly felt the ground begin to rapidly spin around me. I reached out a hand, for what, I did not know, but Dorian was immediately beside me, keeping me upright.   
“You’re wounded,” Dorian spoke beside me, but I knew he was not talking to me.  
“Yes, he came up behind me. I heard him before he got too close, but he still got me,” Harding was bent over, her arms wrapped around her midsection to protect whatever wound she received.   
“Surely not Cullen?” Cassandra asked in disbelief.  
The scout shook her head, “No. Samson.”  
“Samson?” I asked as the spinning began to subside. “He was to be sent to Orlais.”  
Harding cleared her throat, “Inquisitor, I’m afraid everything went sideways as soon as you left Skyhold.”  
“Why didn’t anyone immediately send word?” Dorian asked, still holding me up.   
“Commander Cullen halted all ravens. No one could get in or out of Skyhold.”  
“How could two men achieve taking over an entire keep?” Bull questioned, his grip tightened around his blade.  
“Not many soldiers wanted to disobey the commander, and the ones that did...well, I’m not sure what happened to them.”  
“And how did you avoid death...or other?” Cassandra asked.  
Harding smirked, “Samson may have gotten me, but I got him worse. He took off with a nasty wound, leaving me here. I hid in the bushes to keep watch. I knew you’d be back eventually.”  
“Thank you, Harding. You’re abilities are invaluable to the Inquisition,” I spoke with more vigor than I actually felt before pushing off of Dorian to start forward once more.   
“Inquisitor...there’s one more thing.”  
I turned to face her, but I already knew what she was going to say. I felt it in the pit of my stomach.   
“The commander...he…” Harding hesitated, “there was a break-in in the undercroft after you left. Dagna’s supply of red lyrium was stolen. The commander had taken it...he...consumed it.”

 

As we continued through the again ruined courtyard to the main hall, shards of red lyrium spiked out of the ground and half dead Inquisition soldiers. My heart dropped at the sight. My home had been tainted by the dangerous lyrium, along with my husband. And I knew the source of all of it. Samson.  
I watched as horror and grief washed across my friends faces, knowing they felt just as heartbroken as I did.   
“How did this happen in such a short amount of time?” Cassandra asked aloud, but I knew she wasn’t looking for an answer from any of us.   
“If the Chargers didn’t go on that mission...” Bull didn’t finish, but I knew he was thinking they could have prevented this from happening, or have been killed in trying to stop it from happening. His team had traveled with us from Skyhold, but went on their own mission from Sera with The Red Jenny while in Denerim.  
“It hurts. Make it stop! Make it stop! It’s in my veins. I feel it moving, eating, destroying. Please, anyone, make it stop!” I watched as Cole hoovered above a familiar soldier. A man I did not know by name, but who I had seen wander the grounds. Cole was speaking the man's thoughts aloud, loud enough for all of us to hear. “I’ll make the pain go away,” Cole spoke softly as his daggers sank into the soldier's chest, he had a gift of knowing how to kill someone quickly and painlessly.   
Dorian grasped onto my arm, somehow knowing my knees were about to buckle from under me. I met his eyes, seeing the same lines of worry crinkle across his forehead. Leaving his gaze, a placed a firm hand against my stomach, silently praying to the Maker to keep both of us safe. Dorian’s hand suddenly rested atop mine and I could feel his love warm my cold, tired bones. I knew Dorian was not a praying man, but in that moment I knew he was praying to any god who would listen.  
“We need to keep moving,” I finally said, trying to pull strength from deep inside me. 

As we ascended the great stairs that lead into the hall, we stopped in our tracks.  
“Is that lyrium?” Cassandra asked.   
The door was barricaded by a large shard of red lyrium, blocking the entrance with no chance of going around it.   
“We’ll have to use to side door...” I started, turning around and going back down the stairs.   
“Do you feel like we’re being lead?” Bull asked gruffly beside me. “I don’t like this one bit, Boss.”  
I nodded, feeling like we were running through a maze to where Samson, or Cullen, wanted us to go. “I agree. Keep an eye out for anything.”  
Cassandra gripped her shield beside me as Bull took lead ahead. The rest of us followed, weapons drawn and ready for a fight. 

Taking the stairs that hugged the side of Skyhold, we were back in the lower courtyard. Although it appeared to be untouched by the lyrium, it was far from normal. It was abandoned and too quiet for my taste. So many bodies passed through here daily, to find it entirely empty, as the day we found Skyhold, felt foreboding. What did transpire here all those years ago that left the keep abandoned? I felt a chill pass through me and I shivered. Night was approaching fast. The sun was already set behind the peaks of the Frostbacks, but the sky was still warmed by orange hues. If we didn’t find Cullen in the next thirty minutes, we’d be fighting in the dark. 

The side door that would lead us through the kitchens and up to the hall was open when we reached it. Our eyes met before we walked through it, Bull still taking the lead as I followed behind.   
“Yes, let us walk through the conveniently opened side door,” Dorian quipped behind me. “Great idea.”  
“It’s clear that this is a trap. With that in mind, we can try to avoid whatever they have planned ahead,” I said, looking over my shoulder to meet Dorian’s anxious gaze.   
“It’s inside me. What did I do? What did I do? How could I do this to everyone? To her? I can stop it, I can. I must stop...no...I feel it. I can’t...I…”  
I stopped in my tracks, feeling an icy chill run up my spine as I watched Cole continue to mutter incoherently.   
“How could I? How? How? How? I can fight it, like the lyrium. This will be no different. I am stronger than this. I am. I will overcome...I must find her before it’s too late. I must tell her. It’s too late. It’ll be too late.”  
“Cole,” I breathed out, my voice no louder than a whisper.   
His icy blue eyes met mine. “He’s hurting. He wants help.”  
“Cullen?”  
“Yes, he’s fighting the red lyrium. It’s in his head.”

I started forward, running past Dorian and Cassandra and ahead of Bull until I was in a sprint through the dark dining hall and up the stairs that lead me to the main hall. I heard the shouts and rustling of my friends behind me, but I didn’t slow. I pushed open the door with all my body weight, expecting it to be barred, until I fell into the main hall and my knees and hands shattered against the cold stone, sending my weapons skidding into opposite directions.   
The hall was blinding as all the candles were ceremoniously lit, and I squinted trying to adjust my eyes to the sudden light. Pushing myself up and fighting past the pain radiating up my arms and thighs, I searched the room for my daggers. I turned in time to see the door I fell through slam shut as a shard of red lyrium quickly jutted out of the stone, blocking the door from anyone entering.   
“Nice of you to drop by, Lady Rutherford.”  
I jumped at the unexpected voice as my head whipped in it’s direction to find Samson lounging in the Inquisition throne. He wore a smug smile as he examined me.  
“I’m afraid there is a new Inquisitor in charge,” he smirked, “someone to really lead the Inquisition forces forward for a better Thedas.” His brow raised, “No hard feelings?”   
“You?” I laughed humorlessly. “A lyrium addict who fell out of the good graces of the Templars?”  
Samson laughed now too, “Oh, no. Not just me. I believe you are very familiar with my Commander.”  
I turned around as I heard the footfalls behind me. Cullen stood in the shadows, shielding his face.   
“Cullen?” my voice cracked.  
He stepped forward into the light and my heart stopped. A shard of red lyrium jutted out of his neck, his familiar brown eyes were clouded by a red haze, and his shoulders were slumped forward. He wore his usual armor, but the red lyrium was now strewn into the leather and fabric and bulging out of his arms.   
“Cullen?” I asked again, inarticulately.  
“You shouldn’t have come.” His sword was drawn as he carefully watched me, obviously fighting an internal battle I’d never know about.   
My brows knitted together as I took a step towards him. “Of course I came, Cullen. I had to do something to help you. I…” my hands reflexively grasped at my stomach, “I need you. Don’t you-”  
I didn’t hear as Samson came up from behind me and put a red lyrium laced sword through my abdomen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again...sorry. I'm sure it hurts me more than it hurts you.


	15. Broad Shouldered Beast/Your Bones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize deeply for the delay. As I said in the previous chapter, I really struggled with this chapter. It was hard to write. I've been battling my own sort of demons and it took me a while to gain the courage to finish this. But, it's finally done and now we can continue on the Inquisitors journey. 
> 
> I created a Spotify playlist that can be found here:  
> https://open.spotify.com/user/124911802/playlist/0y9tjQtrBvEZJWgxgEVD4H  
> These are songs that reminded me of the story. Please feel free to let me know what songs remind you of the story as well and I'll be happy to add them! 
> 
> Please forgive any errors you might come across. I was anxious to get this posted today and might have missed a few things. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are always very welcome.  
> Thank you!!

I looked down to find the tip of the sword protruding through my stomach. Samson slowly unsheathed it from my body and I sank to my knees, clenching at the exit wound. Through slackened jaw, I let out an unintelligible scream. Distantly, I heard my friends pounding at the door I entered from, trying to break through the wood, but they’d only be blocked by the large shard of lyrium. I felt Cullen’s eyes on me and I met them to find confusion. Samson stood above me, clearly satisfied and enjoying the scene before him.  
“It’s poetic, is it not? Our heroine, facing death, as her betrothed watches on, unable to help,” Samson laughed to himself. “I did what Corypheus could not. I killed the Inquisitor and overtook Skyhold.”  
“You haven’t killed me yet,” I spatted through gritted teeth, tasting blood.  
Samson sauntered around my body, examining his work as my blood pooled around my knees. “Yet…” he agreed.  
I knew Samson hadn’t hit any vital organs, but I knew he hit my most prized possession. I knew it the moment his sword penetrated my body, my first and last motherly instinct. Tears welled and slid down my face. “Cullen,” I squeaked, searching his hazy eyes for any semblance of my husband.  
“Is this how the famed Inquisitor will go out? In a pool of blood and tears?” Samson mocked.  
With all the strength I had left, I pushed myself up with my free hand. Carefully, I stood on unsteady legs as I kept pressure over my wound, trying to keep more blood from spilling. I stood as straight as I could, all my focus on Cullen. I noticed he watched me as well, clearly torn.  
Samson came to a standstill in front of me. His favorite snickering grin plastered across his face. “I’m impressed,” he said, raising a brow.  
“What did you do to him?” I asked, nodding my chin to Cullen.  
“Me?” he feigned horror, “I did nothing to the Commander.” Samson strolled over to Cullen, placing an arm over his shoulders. “Ain’t that right, Cullen?” he patted his chest.  
“Don’t. Touch. Him.”  
The disgraced Templar waved a disappointing finger at me. “Now, now, my lady, no need to be rude. Cullen took the red lyrium at his own accord, I merely...nudged.”  
“Cullen would have never-”  
“Cullen did-”  
“Enough!” Cullen pulled away from Samson and swung a fist through the air. “Do not talk of me like I am not even here.”  
“Well, well, look who finally came around,” Samson took an appraising step back from Cullen, his hand tightly wound around the grip of his bloodied sword.  
Cullen glanced at me before resting his glare on the red templar, “This ends now, Samson. No more.”  
“Now, Cullen, we agreed.”  
Cullen shook his head, “No, I never agreed to-”  
“Killing your wife?”  
“I would never...she is...no, I...I love her.”  
I could see Cullen’s sudden valor start to crumble as quickly as it came.  
“Love?” Samson laughed without humor. “You watched as I literally stabbed your wife in the back and did nothing,” he titled his head, “I’m not sure if I call that love.”  
Cullen’s brows furrowed as he stared back at me and took a cautious step forward. “I’m...so sorry. I can’t control it.”  
“It’s alright, Cullen. We’ll help you-”  
“It’s too late, darling.”  
It was my turn to take a staggering step forward, to close the gap between us. “No, don’t say that, we’ll figure this out.”  
“I’m sorry to interrupt the love birds, but we have unfinished business,” Samson took a large step between us.  
“Get. Out.” I said through clenched teeth.  
“I’m afraid it is you that will have to leave, but don’t worry, I’ll show you the way out…” Samson smiled before raising his large sword to slash it down in the air at me.  
I quickly tumbled out of the way, hearing the metal clink against the stone floor behind me as I lunged for one of my daggers that has skidded away on my entrance. My wound gushed as my body contorted across the pavement and I cried out in pain as I reached my arm out for the familiar hilt. Just as my fingers clenched against the cool metal, I rolled out of the way of another slash of Samson’s blade. Pushing myself up once more, ignoring the pulsating throb in my stomach, I lunged forward to slash Samson’s cheek.  
“Bitch!” he cursed after taking an intake of air through gritted teeth and whipping around to face me.  
“What’s the matter, Samson?” I asked with a smile, “Too fast for you?”  
With both hands on his silverite longsword, Samson roared as he lunged forward at me.  
Easily, I spun out of his charge, giving me time to search around the room for my other dagger. The blade glinted at me from in front of where Cullen stood. My eyes flashed from the blade to Cullen’s familiar brown eyes, as his did the same to mine. Slowly he shook his head, deterring me from coming close to him. Samson came at me once more in a furious charge, and once again I twirled out of the way, slashing his back, but only meeting armor. I quickly darted across the room to retrieve my other blade, deciding to take my chances with my husband. As I reached him and started to bend for the dagger, his pommel came down hard on my face, throwing me back and onto the ground, knocking the air out of my lungs. I was motionless on the floor once more, gasping for air and weaponless. Cullen came into my blurred view, looking down at me with torn emotion.  
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, as he placed the sharp point of his blade against my throat.  
“Do it!” Samson roared from behind.  
Cullen’s hands trembled.  
“What are you waiting for? Do it!”  
“I can’t!” Cullen roared back as his eyes pierced mine, his blade stayed unmoving.  
“Cullen,” I croaked. My lungs burned, my body was black and blue, and my wound still gushed blood. I lost my husband and my baby. I was done. “Just do it.”  
“What?” he asked, clearly disturbed at my lack of fight.  
“What’s the point? I’ve clearly lost you and…” I hesitated, carefully placing a hand across my belly, “our baby.”  
His eyes widened. “Our...baby?”  
“I was going to tell you over dinner tonight. I found out in Denerim.”  
“A baby...I am...was going to be a father?” Cullen’s voice was shaky as his grip started to loosen.  
I half smirked, seeing my husband start to break through, as tears slid down my cheek, “Yes. You would’ve been an amazing father too.”  
His brow furrowed as he spoke through gritted teeth, I knew he was no longer speaking to me, “You did this.”  
Samson chuckled nervously, “I didn’t know, Cullen.”  
“It wouldn’t have made a difference though.”  
He sniggered once more, “Well...probably not.”  
Cullen whipped around, removing the pointed blade from my throat to aim it at Samsons. “Why did I let you do this? Why?!”  
“You missed the power, the way the lyrium flowed through your veins. The high.”  
I stood slowly, my body protesting the entire time. I winced once my back was straightened.  
“You made yourself weak by loving that bitch,” Samson nodded at me as I stood behind Cullen.  
Cullen took an appraising step towards him, “That’s my wife.”  
Samson bit his lip to stifle a laugh. “Not for long, Cullen boy,” he said before lunging towards the both of us.  
We parted as he plowed between us. I gasped at the pain that radiated through me, not sure where to grab to stop it from pulsating. Cullen’s eyes met mine as I bent forward, my body no longer being able to put up a fight. Samson started back towards us, focusing his anger on me, and I stood stock still. As if watching in slow motion, just as Samson and his blade was about to reach me, Cullen charged forward to protect me from the brunt force of the attack. The sword found a weak spot of armor and penetrated Cullen’s shoulder. He cried out in pain before kicking Samson away from the both of us.  
Samson panted and smiled. “Doing alright there, brother?”  
“Just fine, brother,” Cullen spatted in reply.  
“It doesn’t have to be this way.”  
Cullen’s brow lifted as he smirked, “And how can it be? I turn my back on my wife and just follow you like a mindless grunt?”  
Samson shrugged, “Well...yes.”  
“No, this ends here.”  
“You were always an uptight, righteous bastard, Cullen. I can’t say that I won't enjoy killing you and then your precious Inquisitor; after I torture her, of course.”  
Cullen raised his blade to Samson, obviously struggling from the wounded shoulder, to welcome the man to try.  
Samson smiled widely, up for the challenge, as he charged forward once more, his sword pointed at Cullen like a lance. The two blades clanked together several times, sending sparks off into the air between them. Cullen grunted as his wounded sword arm started to protest the abuse. Samson continued his onslaught, making Cullen take a defensive position.  
I looked around the room, feeling helpless and useless, to find my daggers were close by. I started towards them, limping and holding my abdomen as I went, carefully staying out of the warriors way. Strenuously, I bent down and picked them up with both hands, tightly wounding my sweaty palms and white knuckled fingers around the grips.  
I turned to find Cullen still on the defense, he obviously couldn’t withstand much more. The red lyrium had worked fast through him, I could tell his mind was almost lost and the perseverance he momentarily had was starting to dissipate. I hadn’t much time to make a move.  
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to reign in any strength and willpower I had left. Distantly, I could hear my companions still trying to get into the hall from any door with no avail. I planted both feet on the ground and steadied myself, taking even breaths to calm my nerves before stealthily moving forward. My feet quietly padded across the room at a nimble pace towards an unaware Samson. As I reached his back, I quickly planted both daggers into the soft part of his shoulders. He screeched out in an agonizing cry and staggered away from Cullen. Just as swiftly as before, I slinked away from the man to stand beside my husband.  
Cullen ducked his head and looked at me with worry. “I can’t hold out much longer,” he said gruffly.  
“I know,” I replied with a lopsided smile. “One more fight, side by side.”  
He nodded, trying to produce his crooked smile that I loved.  
Simultaneously, we both turned to face Samson, who was still trying to recover from my shocking blow.  
“Samson!” I taunted, “Let’s finish this!”  
The shamed Templar furiously turned around to look at us with rageful eyes. He spat out blood and sneered to show his yellowed and blood covered teeth, “Yes. Let’s.”  
Cullen tightened his grip around the handle of the dragonbone and silverite sword I had specially made by Master Wade and Herren for his last name day. The red lyrium still hazed over his eyes and protruded out of his armor in uncomfortable ways. I was suddenly reminded of the Red Templar Horrors we faced on our adventures and how quickly Cullen was changing into one. We were running out of time.

Samson made the first move from the corner of my eye, making my head snap back from examining my lover and towards his direction. I propelled forward, ignoring the pain that radiated through me. Cullen followed closely behind with his sword raised. My blades met Samson’s flesh first, tearing at his exposed forearms where I saw an already bandaged gash that was inflamed. Instantly, I remembered Scout Harding telling me she got Samson first.  
“His arm!” I exclaimed over the clanking of metal on metal as Cullen parried a forward thrusting attack.  
Cullen nodded in understanding and immediately started for the wound. Flanking from the side, my blades penetrated through his cloth underclothes, meeting the soft skin of his abdomen. Samson cried out and leaned forward, grasping his side with a armored gauntlet.  
We stood back and watched as blood started to pool at Samsons feet. He hissed as he took labored breaths.  
“I’m...not...done...yet,” he panted as he painfully stood straight before crouching forward. He flexed his arms making his muscles protrude through his armor as he yelled incoherently. A blinding flash of red light filled the room from Samson's body, making Cullen and I look away. Once my vision cleared, I turned back to face the monster Samson had become. A Behemoth stood before me, sniggering at me with familiarity.  
“Cullen?” I asked as my eyes searched the room.  
“Here,” he called with a strangled voice. He was bent over behind me, fighting the lyrium in his body.  
It was just me left to face the beast. I took a deep breath to steady myself before pushing forward on my lithe feet towards the Behemoth, both daggers in my hands. Just as I got close, the Behemoth’s arm came into view and slapped me backwards into one of the halls stone pillars. I felt my back and head crack on impact, and then again as I bounced on the floor.  
The Samson-Behemoth hybrid stood above me and chortled. “Stay down,” his voice boomed at me. With all my might, I tried to push myself up, but my arms gave out and I fell back to the ground. Again, I pushed myself up enough to balance on my knees.  
“Stay down!” his voice bellowed again.  
“No!” I yelled back, breathing hard to regain strength.  
“Why keep fighting? What is left to live for?” Even though it was distorted, I knew it was Samson who spoke to me.  
I looked up at him, resting my weight on my knees, “As long as there’s people like you left alive, there’s always a reason to keep fighting.”  
As if a sign sent by the Maker, I heard the continued attempts of my companions to enter the hall. They were getting louder, closer. Samson turned to the noise too, finally hearing it for the first time.  
“And if I die here, there will always be someone to take my place.”  
He laughed once before answering, “We’ll see about that.”

I felt him loom over me and prepared myself for the attack. With a last attempt, I grabbed both daggers that miraculously fell at my sides and stood on wobbly knees. If this was how I was going to die, I was going to go out fighting on both feet. I raised both daggers at the Behemoth and waited for his move.  
Raising both fists in the air, Samson hurled them down at me. But, before they could crush me, Cullen launched between the beast and I. It wasn’t until Samson was on the ground and Cullen raised his sword and plunged it into the Behemoths skull that I comprehended what had happened.  
As Cullen flashed between us, he had amputated the Behemoths hands, causing the beast to fall backwards in agonizing pain. While the Behemoth Samson was on the ground crying out in horrific shrieks, Cullen jumped atop the beast and sank his long sword into its head. 

 

I could only stand back and watch the scene before me. Samson was dead, the Behemoth no longer howled or struggled to dislodge Cullen from his chest. Cullen stood motionless, hands still clenched around the the hilt of his sword, breathing with ragged breaths. The red lyrium continued to jut out of his skin and armor; he was almost unrecognizable, even to me.  
“Cullen,” I spoke softly.  
He jumped at my voice, either forgetting I was there or losing himself further to the lyrium, I wasn’t sure which.  
His eyes met mine and even past the red haze I still saw the familiar brown eyes of my husband. But, they weren’t brown at all, not really. Brown was too dull of a color. They were golden and honey, the color of chrysanthemums and the newly rising sun. And I would never see them again.  
Cullen slid off the carcass, leaving his sword behind, and started towards me as if in a procession. He placed his hands gently on my cheeks, wiping away tears with his thumbs that I hadn’t realized I shed. I closed my eyes and memorized the familiar feel of his rough hands against my flesh and the smell of leather, wilderness, and armor polish. My cheek lifted in a lopsided smile at his absurd need to constantly polish his armor. 

“I can’t do it,” I said through broken cries as I pushed myself into his arms to place my cheek against his shielded chest. The metal cooled my hot skin.  
“You must,” he whispered, carefully resting his chin on top my head. The lyrium shards prevented him from touching me any further. I craved to feel his body against mine once more, to feel his touch against my bare flesh and to be wrapped up in his strong arms.  
“What am I going to do without you?” I sobbed.  
He let out a small, breathy laugh that made the hairs stand up on the back of my neck from the warmth of it. “You’re going to be the same woman you are now. You’re going to be strong. You’re never going to give up. You’re going to continue to lead the greatest force Thedas has ever seen. And you’re going to change the world...without your oaf of a husband to jumble it up.” He paused to swallow a lump in his throat before grabbing both my shoulders to pull me in front of him. He placed a soft hand against my stomach, avoiding my wound. “And you’re,” his voice began to crack, “...you’re going to find a man that makes you happy and who is worthy of you, and who will give you everything you’ve ever wanted in life.”  
“You’re all I ever wanted in life. Just you,” I touched his cheek, feeling the stinging stubble against my palm.  
“I’m sorry,” his eyes began to fill with tears and it was my turn to wipe them away as they fell, “for everything.”  
“I know.”

Unsheathing a dagger from my side, I stood on my tip toes to look Cullen in the eyes one last time. He gave me his familiar smirk before meeting my lips with his. They were rough and bruised, much like mine, but it didn’t stop either of us. Taking a deep inhale, filling my nostrils with his scent, I carefully wrapped my arms around his waist, avoiding the lyrium. I knew where the weak points were in his armor, having dressed him several times in it for occasions or battles. At the sides, much like Samson’s armor, were gaps where a blade could easily slip in and penetrate vital organs.  
Cullen pulled away momentarily to whisper in my ear, “Don’t trust the the single wound to be fatal. Once I’m down, make it final.”  
I nodded in understanding and watched his face. Through the haze he looked at me with gentle eyes. His forehead and brows went smooth as he relaxed into a peaceful calm. I raised the dagger high at his side, my hand cramped and quivered in the air.  
“I love you,” he stated.  
“I love you too.”  
With as much force as I could muster, I brought the dagger down and into Cullen’s abdomen. His eyes closed and his teeth gritted together, but he did not make a sound. He collapsed to the ground and took me with him. I watched his face and he watched mine, smiling a final time before reaching a hand out to touch my cheek once more. He nodded at me, telling me what I already knew.  
Pushing myself off the ground, I stood above him, my dagger felt slippery in my hands. Putting the blade against his throat, I made a single gash across it. I watched as the life left his eyes and pooled out onto the ground. I stood there, watching the scene play in front of me. What did I do?  
“Cullen?” I asked nonsensically, throwing myself on top of him. I shook his shoulders vigorously, willing him to move. “Cullen!” I screamed now.

I felt a warm hand touch my shoulder, making me jump. I grabbed onto the blood soaked dagger at my side and whipped around to point it at the intruder.  
Dorian jumped back with both hands raised in the air to show he wasn’t going to harm me. “It’s alright, it’s just me.”  
Immediately, I dropped the dagger and it clinked against the stone floor and echoed through the hall. I looked down at my hands with wide eyes, they were blood soaked and beaten. I looked back to my friend with the same full eyes. “I had to,” my voice was barely a whisper.  
“I know,” he agreed. “You had no other choice.”  
Bending down, he pulled me up, not minding that I was covered in blood and filth. I grabbed onto him, clenching my fists into his robe. I knew any other time he’d make a pompous remark about abusing his garb, but he remained silently vigilant at my side, being my support. He turned me away and started for the door my companions had finally broken through, but I dared a glance behind, not wanting to leave my fallen husband.  
Cassandra and Bull surrounded Cullen, the Seekers hand was at her mouth in shock and tears stung her eyes. Bull bent down, reaching for only something he could see on Cullen’s body, but I was already out of Dorian’s arms and running back to the motionless corpse.  
“Don’t touch him!” I screamed through watery eyes. “Leave him be!” I pushed away anyone who came close.  
“Inquisitor, I-” Cassandra started, but I heard Dorian shush at her.  
“Leave her,” Dorian’s voice was stern.  
“She’s severely wounded, she needs to be-”  
“She’s grieving. This is how she’s coping right now. We need to let her.”  
“I can help,” Cole chimed in.  
“That is a wonderful idea,” Cassandra offered.  
“It’s not our decision to make, it’s hers.”  
“Boss, are you listening?”  
I peered up to find three and a half sets of eyes on me and nodded.  
“Cole can help you forget-” Cassandra started but I immediately cut her off.  
“No! I can never forget! Maker forgive me, I can never forget this. What did I do?” I asked no one in particular, spreading my hands out to show Cullen’s blood on them, “Why couldn’t I stop this? Oh, Maker, what did I do?” I turned back to Cullen to grab his hand and place it against my cheek. “He’s cold. Why is he cold? Cullen? Cullen?” I dropped his hand and clenched on both shoulders to shake him ferociously, “Cullen! Why? Why did you do this to us? To me? How could you do this! I-”  
Suddenly I felt an overwhelming calm settle on me as I felt a hand brace my shoulder. I turned my head to find Cole crouching beside me.  
“Peace,” was all he said before I felt my body relax and the fatigue from my fight and wounds overtook until everything went black.


	16. Through the Motions

Present

Three hundred invitations had gone out to family, friends, politicians, members of the Chantry, and royalty - including Divine Victoria, King Alistair, Empress Celene, the Starkhaven council, and all of their entourage. Josephine went into a planning frenzy as soon as Sebastian announced our engagement the following day after proposing. She brought me yards of fabric and laces, sample menus, and a wide range of seasonal flowers to choose from, but I left the decisions up to her and Sebastian.   
I realized shortly after accepting Sebastians hand that I would not only be the leader of the Inquisition, but a princess now too. The thought alone put me into a panic. Bull found me raiding the Herald’s Rest liquor storage and kept me hidden in the tavern until I sobered up two days later.   
“You can’t keep doing this, Boss,” he sighed as he tossed me on a makeshift cot of straw and itchy potato sacks.   
“That’s rich, coming from you,” I slurred.   
He sighed heavily and shut the door behind him, leaving me to my own drunken thoughts. 

Once the alcohol cleared my body and I saw the harsh light of day again, I seeked out Sebastian. I knocked at the door of his guest room and waited, but no reply came. Quietly, I pushed the door open to find Sebastian sitting at the desk pouring over stacks of paperwork, so lost in thought that not even my knock disturbed him.  
I cleared my throat trying to gain his attention, but his head stayed down and eyes focused on whatever he was reading.  
“Sebastian,” I said firmly.  
Finally his head snapped up and his blue eyes met mine.   
“Hello, darling,” he pushed away the scrap of parchment in front of him. “How long have you been standing there?”  
“Not long. I knocked, but you didn’t hear. I’m sorry if I’m interrupting.”  
“You’re not interrupting anything of importance. Since I’ve been in Skyhold, I’ve neglected some responsibility. I thought I would take care of some business while you were away. Josephine said you were off on a mission?”  
“Ah, yes.” Bull had come up with a convenient excuse as to why I hadn’t been around, and apparently everyone had been in on it except for Sebastian. “I had to go on an urgent mission. Inquisition business.”  
He nodded in understanding, “It’s wonderful that you’re still going on missions.”  
“Um, yes, I suppose it is,” I sighed, suddenly feeling guilty. I hadn’t gone on a proper mission since Cullen had died.   
“The wedding plans are coming along,” Sebastian said, breaking through my suddenly dark thoughts.  
“The wedding?” my brow furrowed momentarily, “Oh yes, that is why I am here. I wanted to speak to you.”  
Sebastian stood from the chair and walked around the desk until he was leaning against the front of it, his arms folded against his chest. “If there is anything you do not like, we can change it, of course. This is your wedding as much as it is mine.”  
“Oh! No, I’m sure it will be lovely.” I started picking at a piece of loose thread on my coat sleeve, a nervous tick I picked up somehow.   
Sebastian gently laid a hand on my arm, but it startled me nonetheless. I jumped slightly, but didn’t pull away.   
“I’m sorry,” he said softly.  
“No, I’m the one that is sorry.”  
“What’s wrong?” he asked, removing his hand and dipping his head so he was eye level with me.  
I took a deep breath, “Have you really thought this through? The marriage to me, that is.”  
The Prince smiled widely and chuckled, “Is that what this is about? Cold feet?”  
“No,” I shook my head, “not exactly. It’s just...I’m going to be Starkhavens princess. Me!” I threw my arms open to spread the point further across.  
“Yes, I realize that,” he continued to smirk like a drunkard. “And it’s eventual queen.”  
“Queen?” I gasped. “I can’t become a queen! I can’t even make it through a full day without a bottle of wine, how can I be in charge of an entire country?”  
He laughed, “I don’t think my mother made it through a day without a bottle as well.”  
“This isn’t a laughing matter, Sebastian!” my voice was louder than I intended it to be.   
He inhaled sharply before speaking, “I thought you would have realized…It’s just me left, and I am the rightful King of Starkhaven.”  
“Wait,” I raised a hand to stop him, suddenly remembering my studies on the Free Marches when I was a child back in Ostwick. “Starkhaven doesn’t have a king, they’ve only kept princes since King Ironfist, why-” I started to ask, but suddenly gasped, knowing the answer.   
“I hadn’t realized you were so familiar with Starkhaven history.”  
I shook my head and took a step back from Sebastian. When I spoke again, chagrin was clearly strewn in my voice, “You’re going to change Starkhaven’s governance and crown yourself the first King Vael. But why? A show of force to Kirkwall, perhaps?”  
“I think you’re-” Sebastian began, but I quickly cut him off.  
“And a king needs a queen.” All the pieces started to click together in my head. Varric’s vague warnings suddenly started to make sense. “But, perhaps maybe not just a queen, but a leader, with a large military force and wealth. Someone who will give you the power to crown yourself as king and not have anyone question it. Is that all I am to you? A pawn for a pampered prince to play with?” I spat at him, feeling my blood quickly pulse through my veins.  
Sebastian sighed, all smiles gone, as he ran a hand through his hair, “At first, yes. That was my reasoning for coming here, although you were never a pawn. I may have deluded you, but I was also under the impression that you were wishing to be wed when I received the invitation to come to Skyhold. Now, however, I know that it was not you who invited me. Seeker Pentaghast, correct?”  
I nodded, keeping my distance, “How did you-”  
He interrupted, “You have your spies and I have mine. I am not unaware of what goes on in Skyhold.”  
I straightened and fisted my hands. “Such as?” I demanded.  
“Such as I know you were not called on an urgent mission, and haven’t gone on a mission since Cullen’s passing. The Iron Bull was helping you sober up in the tavern for two days after a night of exceptionally heavy drinking...due to my proposal.”  
I gulped after a well of saliva built up in my mouth, “I-”  
He lifted a finger to stop me, “There’s no need, Lady Trevelyan. I am not blind to see that this has been a struggle for you. I cannot imagine the pain you have been going through since I arrived as a potential suitor.”   
Clearing his throat, Sebastian's face became smooth as he continued, “Yes, it is all true, mostly. I needed to find a woman of noble birth and wealth to marry before I could declare myself as king. My council agreed it made a fitting match to marry the Inquisitor, especially since you are also from a noble house of the Free Marches. The people, my people, would accept you and the new regime. To many, you are still the Herald of Andraste and to have the Herald reign over Starkhaven, to have the Maker bless our city, no one would dare cross us. And yes, I can’t ignore that you also have a powerful military force that would make any enemy take pause. What a catch you surely would be, not only for myself, but for Starkhaven as well.” Sebastian spoke with such prowess and confidence, I couldn’t help but feel in awe of the future king who lounged against the desk in front of me.  
I had to look away from the man to clear my admiration for his eloquent speech and to hide my heated cheeks. “Why didn’t you tell me this was your plan? If you were only honest in the beginning-” I started, but was silenced by Sebastian raising his hand again to stop me.  
“I was advised, by my council, to tell you as little as possible. To wed you quickly and start the new regimen right away.”  
I laughed humorlessly, “You were advised to start your marriage on a lie? I’m sure you were also told to impregnate me quickly as well, to ensure your crown?”  
He cleared his throat as his cheeks became flushed. “I apologize,” he started, “I can see that I have made a mess of this whole situation and hurt you in the process, which was never my intention. I meant what I said, you are a catch and I could never be worthy to have you. We don’t know each other well, but in the little time we have had together I have learned that you are an amazing and courageous woman. Not just the famed Inquisitor who saved Thedas, but a strong woman who has lost so much and has never gave up. Any man who wins your love should thank the Maker daily, because he would be a fortunate man indeed.”  
Sebastian ducked his head and quickly bowed to me, “I will summon my men and we will leave Skyhold immediately. Again, I wholeheartedly apologize, Lady Trevelyan.”  
“Sebastian, a word of advice,” I said, bringing his eyes back to mine. “It is good and well to have a council to help make decisions, but as the leader it is up to you to make the right choices. Lying to a potential partner is never the right choice.”  
The Prince straightened out and nodded, “I agree, my lady, and I will always remember that. This will be a well learned lesson for me.”  
“Very well, that is good to hear,” I slightly nodded my head at him before clearing my throat. “Now I will take my leave. I am late for my dress fitting and Josephine loves to stick to schedule.”   
Sebastian raised a questioning brow, clearly confused. “Inquisitor?” he asked.  
“If we’re going to have this wedding, we best get going.”

\---------------------------- 

“Choir boy is just using her for the soldiers. You have to talk some sense into Trevelyan,” Varric took a long swig from the pint of ale in his hands.  
The Herald's Rest tavern was brimming with bodies from all over Thedas. The Orlesians stuck to their circle of familiars in masks, whispering gossip to each other and eyeing the room. The Ferelden lot was scattered, drinking heavily or playing Wicked Grace with the Free Marchers. Cabot stood behind the bar, sweat dripping from his forehead, as he mumbled complaints about missing stock and the ‘sodding blighters’.   
“Me?” Dorian raised a perfect brow at the dwarf. “Why must I break up the wedding?”  
“You’re her confidant. She’ll only listen to you,” Varric eyed the bodies close by, keeping his voice hushed from the curious onlookers of the Dwarf/Tevinter pair.   
Dorian scoffed before taking a sip of wine, “I highly doubt that.”  
“Come on, Sparkler. Since Curly died, all she has is you.”   
The mage frowned, “Precisely. And I left her too, remember?”  
Varric sighed heavily, “Well, shit.” He took another gulp of ale, finishing the mug. “Have you seen her yet?”  
Dorian swished the wine around in his glass before downing it, “Not yet, she’s been far too busy with the wedding to get close to. I’ve been here for three days and I don’t even think she knows I’m here.”   
Varric half smirked, “She would’ve seeked you out if she did.”  
“Hey!” A booming voice called out to the two from across the tavern. “Look who showed up!”   
“Tiny, you’re larger than I remembered,” Varric chuckled, looking up from his low bench.   
Bull roared with laughter, making everyone in the tavern turn and look at the qunari like a novelty.   
“Ah, Bull! A pleasure as always. Now, do sit down, lest everyone’s eyes fall out of their heads from gawking.”   
“Dorian! Ahaha! I’ve missed you!” Bull slapped the mage on the back and took a clumsy seat next to him.  
Dorian widened his eyes at Varric before clearing his throat and turning a worried glance to Bull, “How is our girl doing?”  
“Better than I’ve seen her in a long time.”  
“Really? And has the liquor storage seen better days?”  
Varric laughed from across the table as Cabat set down another mug of ale and huffed heavily before walking away. Dorian eyed the bartender before shifting his eyes back to Bull.  
Bull leaned in close and spoke softly, “It was rough after the proposal. I’d never seen her so...gone, like there was nothing left behind her eyes.”  
Dorian sighed, “I was afraid of this.”  
“So why did you leave? It wasn’t to become a magister, like you told her.”   
Intrigued, Dorian turned his body to completely face Bull. “And how would you know that?” he asked, raising a curious brow.  
“I might not be the spymaster, but I’m not against sending my people to watch you,” Bull said before guzzling his drink. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he continued, “You went to Tevinter, but didn’t stay more than a week. What are you up to?”  
Dorian put a hand to his chest and feigned horror, “Me? Up to something? Absurd.”  
Bull leaned in close to Dorian, the liquor on his breath penetrated the mages nostrils but Dorian did not pull away as Bull whispered, “Whatever you are planning, there are spies everywhere. Be careful. Orlais and Ferelden will never let this wedding happen. Can you imagine Starkhaven gaining the entire Inquisition army? They’d never allow it. Oh, and you might need this.”  
The qunari folded a cold object into Dorian's hand and nosily stood and walked away from the table. 

\------------------------------

“Most of the guests have arrived, except for The Divine and Celene. Both are expected to arrive just shortly before the wedding tomorrow. And your mother and father...they have...er…” Josephine hesitated.  
“Sent their warmest regards and congratulations, but will not be attending,” I finished for her.  
“Y-yes.”  
“It’s alright, Josephine,” I turned away from her and back to the mirror to continue twisting my hair into a loose bun. “I saved Thedas from a lunatic darkspawn magister, married a Templar, and now a Prince, and even still it’s not enough…” I poked at a stray curl in the looking glass.   
“I’m sorry, my lady,” she apologized, looking uncomfortable as I saw her in the reflection.  
I continued picking at my hair, giving up on the bun and just trying to make it look presentable, “I didn’t turn into the perfect Chantry sister they had planned for me to be. They’ve never been proud of me.”  
“But I’ve never been prouder,” a familiar voice answered from the top of the stairs.   
Josephine and I turned in unison to find Dorian casually leaning against the stone post of the staircase.  
“Dorian?!” I couldn’t help but cry out in excitement before jumping up and running towards him into his waiting arms. He twirled me once and gently set me down to touch my brimming cheeks with both of his warm hands. I had forgotten how warm he was, and how much I missed it.   
“What are you doing here?” I asked as my smile started to hurt my face.  
“How could I miss my best girls wedding?” he answered.   
“It wouldn't be the first time.”  
He rolled his eyes and replied with a smirk, “How was I supposed to know you’d run off and elope with a Templar?”   
I continued to smile brightly at him as I fought back happy tears. “I mustn't ruin my makeup that Viv spent so long on,” I said before pushing away from him to straighten out my floor length, velvet blue dress. It hugged my shoulders and curves, but flowered out at my knees into a long train. “She’d be furious.” I looked up at him with a timid smile, “So, how do I look?”  
“Maker sent. Like Andraste herself.”  
“I wasn’t sure if you were going to come.” I said, suddenly changing the subject.  
Dorian gave me a patient smile, “Of course I was going to come. There is no place I’d rather be.”  
I sighed deeply, “I’m sorry for-”  
“Hush,” he interrupted. “You’ve got quite the gathering downstairs and they’ll start asking for you.”  
I smiled brightly one last time, although I knew it didn’t reach my eyes, and started down the stairs.  
“How is she?” Josephine asked in a whisper once she thought I was out of earshot.  
“She’s never been worse,” Dorian answered before I pulled the door shut behind me to descend into the main hall, where the pre-wedding celebration had already begun.


	17. A Plot Discovered/Reunions

The war room was lit by a single candle that sat in the middle of the large, petrified wood table with scattered Inquisition, Orlais, and Ferelden pieces on a cloth map of the countries. Nine bodies stood around the table, each lost in thought.   
“Marrying that hoity bastard, what was she thinking?” Sera rolled her eyes.   
“She was so lonely. This is all my fault,” Cassandra answered with a softness most of the team had not heard from her before. “I brought him here. I never thought of the repercussions.”   
“Why didn’t anyone put a stop to this before it went too far?” Thom folded an arm over his chest as he fiddled with his beard with his free hand.  
“None of us actually believed she would take him up on the proposal,” Josephine answered in defence.   
“I was hoping she’d have a little fun with him...between the sheets, then get rid of him,” Dorian shrugged.  
“We obviously didn’t know how lonely Boss was.”  
“So she accepted Sebastians hand, now what?” Vivienne leaned a hip against the table and examined everyone's faces in the flickering light from the candle.   
“Now, we break them up,” Varric spoke up. “Orlais and Ferelden won’t let this marriage come to pass, but none of them will admit to it. Shit, Alistair and Celene might not even know that there’s an assassination plot. Alistair was an acquaintance of Cullens after all, and we saved Celene's life and her reign with it, if either of them were aware of the plot, it would be a huge backstab to the Inquisition.”  
“How did you even come to find out this plot?” Josephine asked.  
“Once you get soldiers liquored, it’s only a matter of time before they start talking. I had the Chargers mingle to gather information once they started to arrive. Both Orlais and Ferelden have spoke of a plot from one source or another,” Bull informed and took a long swig from the ever present ale in his hands.   
“We also received a raven from Leliana this afternoon. Her spies have heard the same. No one is sure who is plotting the attempt, but it’s definitely happening,” Varric finished.  
Vivienne sighed, “Lovely to know our Divine is still a Spymaster. The Chantry must love that about her. A mage would have been so much worse.” She finished sarcastically.  
“There is a time and a place for that discussion, this is not it,” Cassandra remarked.   
“Enough of this bickering!” Thom slammed a fist down on the table, causing some pieces to fall on their side. “Our Inquisitor is in trouble and we have to help her. She has helped us all, in one way or another, and it is our turn to return the favor.”  
“He’s right! Stop all the talking and let’s go do it, yeah?” Sera raised a fist in the air as she spoke.   
Cole was quietly standing at the table, not paying attention to anyone in particular. He only half heard the conversation going on, favoring to listen to the voices who filled his head instead. “He knows. He is coming,” he said quietly, only allowing those next to him to hear.  
“Cole?” Cassandra raised a brow at him. “Who is coming?”  
“The lone wolf....Solas.”

\------------------------------

Present - 

The hall was lit up and decorated in grandeur. Rich red velvets were drapped off the high balconies that overlooked the hall with both the Inquisition and Starkhaven sigils represented throughout the room. The long tables were done up with silver utensils and plates and filled with piles of fresh fruit, vegetables, cheeses, and cooked meats. Large vats of ale and wine sat in the corner where Cabat distributed the drinks to already tipsy guests.   
The mixture of food, drink, and perfume instantly made my head spin as I entered the hall from my chamber door. I squinted as I entered, feeling the light was too overwhelming too quickly. I felt a warm hand caress the small of my back and I turned my head to find Dorian standing behind me.   
“It’s alright. It’s just me.”  
“Dorian,” I gasped as I turned back to face the hall, suddenly feeling my dress was too tight. “I can’t do this.”  
He slightly bent down close and whispered in my ear, “You can, and you must. I’ll be close to you all evening. Now smile, darling, everyone is looking.”  
I suddenly realized that everyone in the hall was now facing me and I smiled as genuinely as I could. A flash of fabric whizzed past me from the corner of my eye and I turned in time to see Josephine straightening out her new formal gown before clearing her throat.   
“Friends from Starkhaven, Orlais, Ferelden, and afar, welcome to Skyhold! We are gathered here this evening to celebrate the impending union of the Inquisitor, Lady Trevelyan-Rutherford, to Prince Sebastian Vael of Starkhaven. The Inquisition invites you to enjoy the night's festivities on this momentous occasion.”  
The room erupted into applause that turned into a hum of previous conversations and eyes turned away from me. I hadn’t realized my hands were fisted until I felt an ache start to burn up my arms. Cautiously I looked down to find nail marks embedded into my palms.   
Dorian grabbed my shoulders and lead me through the nearby doors down to the formal dining room and into the kitchen. He shoo’d away the busy kitchen staff, leaving the room empty except for the two of us. I cautiously leaned against the preparation table, not wanting to get my dress dirty, and watched as he rummaged through the pantry.  
“I moved it.”  
“Moved what?” Dorian asked as he strained his neck to look behind a dark shelf.   
“The wine. I moved it.”  
My voice sounded hollow.  
“I’ll fetch you some,” he said, starting back for the door we came through.  
“No! I don’t want any.”  
“It’ll calm your nerves, settle you enough to get you through tonight.”  
“I stopped drinking. It was...interfering.”  
Dorian sighed and ran a hand down his face, “Lovely time to give it up. What about your hand, the mark?”  
“It hasn’t bothered me,” I lied.  
He wrinkled his eyes, “You might be able to lie to the prince, and to yourself, but I know you, Trevelyan. You can’t fool a fool.”  
I sighed and looked away from him, I knew he was right. “I...forgot,” I said through clenched teeth.  
“Forgot?”  
“That I took Cullen’s name.”  
Dorian scoffed, “Blasted Josephine.”  
“It’s not her fault-”  
“She knows better than to pull something like that, especially in front of a crowd.”  
“Really, she was just doing her job. I...I just forgot.”  
“For the love of the Maker!” Dorian flung his hands in the air out of frustration. “I thought leaving would help you, but clearly you’re just as helpless as before.”  
I jutted my chin up, “I am not helpless.”  
“What do you call this!” He threw his arm out and waved it around at me. “An impending marriage to a prince, who is obviously using you.”  
“You don’t think I already know that Sebastian is only using me for my soldiers and the power of the Inquisition? I’m not daft. I’ve been aware of it for weeks.”  
Dorian raised a curious brow, “And still you proceed with the marriage? Cullen would have never wanted this for y-”  
“Cullen’s not here, is he? He made a choice to leave me,” I spat as I pushed myself quickly from the table. “Sometimes we have to do things for the greater good and not be selfish-”  
The mage raised a hand to stop me, “No, don’t you dare. This is not beneficial for the Inquisition and you know it. Starkhaven would be unstoppable with the combined forces. Orlais and Thedas can only be here to ensure your assassination, they would never allow Prince Vael to have that much power.”  
My ears perked up, “What do you mean, assassination? Do you know something?”  
Dorian sighed, “Not much, only that you’re in danger. Did you really think this marriage through?”  
I shook my head, “Who else knows about this threat against me?”  
“Everyone who should...all of your friends, who care about you. We’d not see our hard work in the Inquisition crumble and burn,” he said with a half smile.  
“I...can’t believe it. After everything I’ve done for Ferelden and Orlais and now they plan to kill me? Alistair is...like a friend, and he knew Cullen. How could he-?”  
Dorian rubbed a warm hand down my arm, “Alistair, and Celene, might not be aware that there is a plot. Just because they are the leaders of their respected countries, that does not mean they ordered your assassination.”   
I nodded in agreement, “Yes, but we must be suspicious of everyone. Friendships are not as thick as they used to be.”  
“I agree. We best get back before the guests start questioning where the bride has gone.” Dorian rubbed my arm once more and followed me as I started out the door and back up the stairs to the hall that held my killer. 

\------------------------------

I gladly accepted the second cup of wine that Cabot handed me after I downed the first in one gulp. I swore off drinking after Sebastian's proposal and my night of heavy drinking, and the even worse days long hangover that followed. But, If there was ever a time to calm my nerves, this was it. I caught Sebastian’s disapproving eyes from across the room as he saw me accept and sip at the second cup of alcohol. Perhaps he was having second thoughts as well, finally seeing me for who I really was.  
Dorian stayed by my side, as he had promised, and guided me by the elbow to the appropriate dignitaries that needed to be greeted. It must had been a commodity to see the Inquisitor, since it had been ages since I had been to or hosted an event. I greeted each smiling face with my own wide smile in return, sometimes even finding myself enjoying the company.

I found all of my friends and companions mingling through the elegantly dressed crowd as well, each one of them in their finest apparel, except for Sera or Cole. I knew they were spread out on purpose to keep an eye out for any suspicious activity. Cole was perched on the highest balcony, watching from above and listening to whispers. I noticed Dorian occasionally glance up at him, silently asking if he seen or heard anything, and Cole would shake his head in reply.   
Though I was in danger, I never felt unsafe. Dorian's magic worked without a staff, as did Viviennes. Cole could disappear in a crowd and reappear behind someone's back to shove a dagger through flesh. As the Inquisition Commander, Bull was obligated to have a weapon. Sera and Varric stood at the entrance of the hall, not caring that people eyed them suspiciously as they both had their bows drawn, ready for attack. Thom and Cassandra refused to wear anything but their armor, and as a Grey Warden and one of the Inquisition founders, no one questioned the weapons they kept at their sides. And Josephine was dangerous in a different way, although she carried no formal weapon, her silver tongue could produce the answers we were looking for.   
I was the only one completely weaponless, and I felt naked because of it. Vivienne convinced me carrying any type of weapon, even hidden, was unbride like and would be seen through my tight and sheer fabric dress anyways.   
To make me feel even safer, Bull stationed Inquisition soldiers throughout the room. To the naked eye, The Inquisition was just showing off their forces, but to the rest of us, we knew why they were there.

As I greeted my last pompous Orlesian council member, a familiar set of long, blonde curls caught my attention. I started for the girl, knowing exactly who it was, but not wanting to believe it until I saw her face with my own eyes.   
“Clare?” I asked with a shaky breath.   
The girl turned around with a bright smile, rosy cheeks, and a painfully familiar face. I had never realized until now when I pictured our child, I pictured Clare. I sank to my knees, not caring if my dress ripped, and took her into my arms in a tight grip.  
“Aunty!” she exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around my neck.   
Through watery eyes, I spotted Mia watching with an amused smile.   
“You’re here!” I cried, not knowing what to say.  
“Clare missed you, and when we heard you were getting married we had to come congratulate you.”  
Mia was just as beautiful as she was the day Cullen and I left her for our honeymoon, although her eyes wrinkled slightly now. Clare had grown at least a head taller and her baby face matured slightly.   
I pulled her away by the shoulders to examine her face and stare into the familiar golden brown eyes. “You’re so beautiful,” I said, folding a stray curl behind her ear.   
“So are you!” she squealed back.   
I cleared my throat and stood as smoothly as I could, with Dorian's help, when I noticed a circle of curious eyes surrounded us. We were too vulnerable out in the open and new pieces have just been added to the game. If Clare and Mia stayed close to me through the night, they could potentially get hurt, or killed. It was my duty to Cullen to protect his sister and niece, at all costs.


	18. Meetings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I've been absent for a while, and for good reason. I found out the same day I posted chapter 17 that I'm expecting my own little bundle of joy. It's been a crazy few months with doctor appointments, telling friends and family, and just adjusting to the idea that I'm going to be having a baby.   
> I want to try to get out as much of this story as I can before the baby is due on October. Unfortunately, I haven't written as much as I would have liked to, but I'm trying to remedy that. Stay tuned!  
> Forgive any errors you may come across. I wanted to get this out to let my readers know I have not given up!

“You shouldn’t have come,” I said too harshly as soon as we reached the confines of my quarters.   
The fire was lit and Clare ran to stand in front of it to warm her tiny, chilled hands.  
Mia met my eyes with confusion. “Why?” she questioned as her brow furrowed.   
“You both are not safe here. There’s a plot against me and it’s supposed to happen tonight.”  
“A plot?” she gasped and lowered her voice, not wanting to let Clare hear. “To murder you?”  
“Yes, and now you’ve walked right into it. You and your daughter can be used as bait or leverage,” Dorian answered. He refused to leave me, even for a moment.   
“For the love of the Maker!” Mia exclaimed, making Clare spin her head around to watch the three of us.   
“Mama?” Clare raised a questioning brow.  
“It’s alright, darling. Go back to what you were doing.”  
Clare hesitated, but turned her head back to the fire and wiggled her fingers.   
“You both will stay here tonight. I’ll put my men at the door and you’ll be safe,” I offered, feeling fear for my late husbands sister and niece.   
“And what about you?”   
“I have to get back to the gathering. My guests will be wondering where I went and if this is to happen tonight, I mustn't keep them waiting,” I said with a half smile.   
“I can’t just let you…” Mia started, but I grabbed her by both shoulders and squeezed tightly.   
“You can, and you will. I have to keep the both of you safe. The longer I spend with you, the higher chance that you’ll both get hurt. You both must stay far away from me until this is all over.”  
Mia shook her head with the same unyielding attitude I grew to know, “Cullen wouldn’t have wanted me to stand back and do nothing, especially when it comes to you.”  
I smiled half heartedly, “And he would've felt the same way about you and Clare.”  
She studied my eyes and completed my smile with her own before nodding. “Very well. Clare and I shall stay here. But, you better come back...swear to me you will. I cannot lose my sister as well.”  
I felt tears sting my eyes at the sentiment and nodded, “I will. I swear it.”  
“Also, we might have a card up our sleeve, so to speak.”  
“What do you mean?” Dorian butted in, taking over the conversation.  
“My brother is here and he’s not a stranger to battle.”  
“Brother?” Dorian asked, caressing his facial hair.   
“Yes, Branson.”

\-----------------------------

I had never met Branson, as he was always off on his own adventures. Always running to get away from the infamous Rutherford name that Cullen had built up. I only knew of him through childhood stories Cullen had retold several times or mentions from Mia in her letters.  
Dorian and I headed back down to the hall after placing several guards at the door to my chamber and on the stairs leading up to it, but I still felt a twinge of fear for my sister and niece. They walked right into danger without even realizing it.   
My friend straightened out my hair and dress before we entered the great hall once again to find curious eyes setting on me. Most curious of them all were Sebastian's, who stared at me from across the room before he turned back to whoever he was speaking to. I inwardly cringed at the conversation we’d be having later. 

As the sky became darker, the celebration became louder. Josephine had a full orchestra playing waltz after waltz, and it echoed from the hall out into the courtyard where guests tried to escape the overly packed room. The whole hall was buzzing with movement from gowns sashaying and mugs colliding in cheers, to laughter and yelling. Everyone wore a smile as I passed and I smiled kindly in return. If not for the murder plot constantly nipping at the back of my mind, I would have thoroughly enjoyed myself, for the first time in a very long time.   
I was reminded of the gatherings we held in Ostwick when I was younger, or the ones my parents would make me attend at other noble houses. Even though I’d whine about attending, in the end I always found myself having a good time. Tonight was no different, except for my murderer who lurked in the festivities like a snake in a garden.   
Sitting at my chair, I tried to study each person that walked past. Some I recognized instantly, others no so easily due to the ornate Orlesian masks they wore. But I bowed my head to each of them in reply, showing no indication that I was aware of anything going on in the shadows. Just as I felt my face start to hurt from the constant smile, a man entered from the grand stairs and into the hall. If I hadn’t already been sitting down, I’d be on my ass from the shock that reverberated through me.   
His chest plate was a shiny iron with burgundy and gold fabric draped across like a sash. His formal undershirt was worn, brown leather, same as the pants that hugged his legs, and he wore black boots that had obviously seen better days. But it was the gold mask that resembled a lion he wore that knocked the breath from my lungs. Branson was a spitting image of Cullen, even down to his clothes.   
I felt Dorian stir beside me as I stood and started towards him. No one had seen Branson enter, or my reaction to him, and I had to dodge through elbows sticking in the air and feet gliding across the floor as I pushed through the dancers to get closer to him. My eyes never left him, but I suddenly realized his never left me either. Branson started for me as I finally cleared the final pair of dancers. I stood before him out of breath, red faced, and gawking.   
“Inquisitor?”  
“Y-yes,” I stuttered and cleared my throat. “That’s me.”  
Branson smiled widely. Something I had rarely seen with Cullen, who was always too bashful to show his full emotions except on rare and extraordinary occasions.  
He laughed like I told a joke that I was not in on, “You are nothing like my brother and sister described.”  
“I am not sure if that is a good, or bad, thing,” I confessed with furrowed brows.   
“Well, I’ve heard about some of your adventures and...you’re just not what I had expected,” he said, scratching his chin. “Much shorter than imagined.”   
“Oh.”  
Suddenly, Branson bowed ceremoniously before me, took my hand into his, and kissed my knuckles gently. “Lady Inquisitor, may I have this dance?” he spoke loudly for those who were nearby and curious.  
I stood before him, horrified, and nodded when my mouth wouldn’t form a cohesive word. 

Branson gently took my hand and led me to the dance floor where a waltz was just ending and a new one was about to begin. He straightened his back and gripped my right hand as his left hand rested gently on my hip. I felt chills travel down my back from his gloved touch and I forced myself to take a deep, steady breath. I mimicked his posture and straightened my back as I gripped his right hand and laid my left hand gently on his shoulder. His eyes creased as he smiled widely at me.   
The song began softly with a melody from a single violin and the dancers began their small movements across the dance floor, getting faster and faster as more instruments started into the song and the beat picked up. Branson lead with grace, obviously familiar with dancing.   
“My mother painstakingly taught us how to dance,” Branson said, seeming to read my thoughts. “Although, dancing was not a needed skill trade for our family. However, it did make me quite popular with the ladies.”  
“I can imagine so,” I replied with a smile. “Dancing was almost a requirement for my family. When I was a girl, we’d practice every day. We learned all the different dances and steps. I’m surprised I even remember them, it’s been so long.”  
“You’re doing wonderfully.”  
“Thank you.”  
“Surely my brother must have danced with you?” Branson asked.  
I half smiled, “Yes, once, at Halamshiral.”  
“The Winter Palace?”  
“We had some time to ourselves after deciding who would rule Orlais.”  
“That is...uh...wow,” he smiled proudly, not to me, but to himself. “I didn’t realize my brother was involved in such large...affairs.”  
“Cullen was an amazing man. The Inquisition wouldn’t be who we are today if he wasn’t involved.”  
Branson nodded in reply and continued his focus on the dance and I did the same, not wanting to speak anymore of dances and palaces and what once was. We continued to move our feet in unison and in beat, but with less vigor as before.   
One song led into another and soon we found ourselves closer to each other as the upbeat music mellowed into a slow, amorous harmony. The other dances faded away as I took in the man who had me in his arms. The familiar aroma of armor polish and leather filled my nose and I laid my head against his chest, not putting any thought into it except to inhale deeper and put the smell to memory.   
“I’m not him, you know,” his voice vibrated through his chest plate and against my head as he said the words.  
“I know,” I said, closing my eyes.

As soon as the song ended, I curtseyed politely and dashed through the crowd to find a safe place to unravel. Skyhold’s garden was ceremoniously lit with candles and decorated with drapes, banners, and randomly placed tables with food, wine, and bread. Couples came here looking for a quiet, dark place to be alone. I continued quickly to the only place I knew would be deserted.   
I pushed open the door and it groaned in protest. I was sure no one had been in here since Cullen died, this was his place to pray and no one dared disturb it. Closing the door behind me, I turned back to stare up at the statue of Andraste. I could almost feel Her eyes on me, judging me...or perhaps feeling sympathy for a lowly creature. Only now I felt like I could breathe, I hadn’t realized I had been holding my breath. The room spun for a moment and I slid down the door and sat on the cold stone floor to watch Her as She watched me.   
“Pitiful, isn’t it?”  
I paused, not expecting an answer, but just to let Her hear. I wasn’t the praying type, I never had been, to my family's disappointment.  
“I would have never made a good Sister. It would’ve been a disaster. An embarrassment to the Chantry,” I laughed without humor, “Not any more embarrassing than I already am, I suppose.”

“Lady Inquisitor?” A soft voice asked from the other side of the door.  
I stayed silent, not wishing to leave my sanctuary quite yet.  
“I know you’re in there, Inquisitor. I’m familiar with hiding from my duties as well.”  
Reluctantly I stood, straightened out my dress, and pulled open the heavy wood door.   
“...Hello.” King Alistair Therin stood before me with the same sly smile he always wore.   
“Your Majesty,” I greeted him as brightly as I could and curtseyed.  
“Uhh,” he nervously laughed, “Please don’t. I think we’re past formalities, don’t you?”  
I chuckled. “Yes, I suppose we are. How have you been?” I asked as I waved him into the room and shut the door behind us.   
“Oh, you know, same old, dull kingly duties keeping me busy. Advisors driving me insane, immensely large stacks of paperwork to sign, obligations, dinner parties, decisions that’ll change the entire country” he said, counting off his fingers per each task.   
“Ah, yes, I am familiar with those tedious duties myself. I think I’d rather be sleeping on the cold ground in a camp and fighting demons than deal with any more obligations.”   
“Haha, yes, I had some of my best sleeps in camp. A warm fire, cold night sky, dirty bedroll, mud caked on everything. Much better than any palace.”  
The room was usually dark and no one bothered to set out candles here, but the moon unnaturally lit up the sky tonight and enough light shined through the stained windows as if the sun was still out. I watched Alistair wince at the Andraste statue.  
“I feel like She’s always judging me,” Alistair said, not looking at me but staying focused on the stone sculpture in front of us.   
“I think that was what the Chantry was aiming for.”   
He grinned in reply, “You’re probably right.” Suddenly he turned to me and watched me carefully. “Why the disappearing act?”  
“I think you, more than anyone, can understand my need to get away.”  
“And this wedding?”  
My forehead crinkled at his question. “What of it?”  
“I’ve spent some time with Sebastian. He’s not your type.” Alistair remarked while he absentmindedly picked at a piece of loose thread on his coat sleeve.   
“I wasn’t aware I had a type.”  
He looked at me with a coy smile, “Oh, you know you do.”  
I frowned.  
“Roguishly good looking, blond, ex-Templars with a past.”  
“Please do not tell me you’re speaking of yourself,” I sighed.  
Alistair laughed nervously, “Well, I suppose I do match that description. My wife and you would get on famously.”  
“Alistair…”  
His eyes met mine, all joking now gone. “You know I meant Cullen.”  
“Yes, I know.”  
“Sebastian would not make you happy. You can’t possibly want all the things he has offered. To rule Starkhaven? You’d never enjoy it, you’d loathe it.”  
I sat carefully on a long abandoned, wood box. “Is this advice from a friend or…?”  
“Do you not think I long to be out there again?” he asked, sweeping his arm out, “To wield a sword that’s not just for ceremony? To have the fresh morning dew collect on my face from sleeping under the stars next to a dying campfire? To be out there with my wife, Maker wherever she may be?”  
“Then why did you become king?”  
“And leave my country, my home, in the hands of a madman or is daughter? I was born into this, bastard or not, it was my duty. But, it doesn’t have to be yours. This is not a life someone like you would be happy with.” Alistair now found a box of his own and took a seat. “My wife, like you, came from a noble house as well and even she could not stand the standstill that palace life gave her. So, she left.”  
“Alistair…” It was a subject we never talked about at our many meetings and get togethers. He didn’t discuss his wayward wife and no one brought her up.   
“I know what you feel. I understand, though not completely. I know the feeling of being abandoned and the anger that follows. We were trying for a child…” he paused and sighed silently, “I’ve not told anyone. We didn’t even know if we could have any, since we both have the taint. What kind of child would that produce anyways? We tried for over a year. I think the constant disappointment and stresses of being the queen regent weared her down and she left. No word has come from her since, and she left nothing behind. Now, I don’t even know if she’s dead or alive. Since the Wardens were hearing the false Calling, perhaps she went to the Deeproads and…”  
“She didn’t,” I interjected quickly. “She loved you, Alistair. There was a good reason she left, I am sure of it.”  
“I’m not so sure. I tried too hard, pushed her too hard. I need an heir, or Ferelden is going to be back where it started. The pressure was getting to us both, and…”  
“Alistair, please, you do not need to do this. I understand how painful this all must be for you.”  
“Did you and Cullen ever…” he hesitated.  
“Umm, yes, we did. I was, uh, pregnant and…”  
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”  
Instinctively, I placed a protective hand over my abdomen. “It’s alright. I lost it. It...it was barely an it, it was nothing more than just a spec at the time. Samson caught me off guard and...it was gone.”  
“Inquisitor, I’m-”  
“No, no, it’s alright,” I assured, wiping away a stray tear. “I just wish I didn’t loose it just so I still had a piece of him with him. Losing both of them on the same night destroyed me,” I half smiled and laughed, feeling silly.  
“What a deeply depressing pair we make. No one should ever take us to parties,” Alistair quipped, trying to lighten to room.  
“I agree,” I stood and patted my dress to loosen the wrinkles. “I’m shocked we even lasted this long without being interrupted-”  
Suddenly, a loud, boisterous knock came from the door.  
“You spoke far too soon,” he remarked before standing himself and opening the door for our intruder.  
“Message for you, your Majesty,” a Ferelden soldier handed Alistair a rolled parchment and bowed.   
“Yes, thank you. That’ll be all.”   
“Yessir.”  
“Well,” he groaned, “It appears that our disappearing act wasn’t totally unnoticed. Teagan needs me to smooth over a dispute with some nobles. Also, it seems that you’re husband-to-be has been asking about you.” He bowed and started out the door.  
“Alistair, wait!” I called after him. “I must ask if you are aware of a plot…against me?” I asked in a hushed whisper.  
“A plot? Someone is trying to have you killed?” He furrowed his brow and spoke in whispers too.  
“It appears so. I just...well, wanted to make sure it wasn’t you. I’m well aware my marrying Sebastian would give him a large advantage from the Inquisition and make me a target to Ferelden, Orlais, or anyone else.”  
Alistair grabbed my hands, “I promise you I have not ordered such an attack on you. I count you as one of my friends. I’ll ask around and see if I can find any information on it. If the order came from Ferelden, whoever did so will pay greatly.”  
I smiled, “Thank you, my friend. I just had to be sure.”  
“Stay out of trouble,” he started but raised a brow, “Oh, who am I kidding...trouble seems to find you.”


	19. Only If For A Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all!   
> Long time, no post.   
> I had my baby, but it was a long journey. I was taken out of work early and put on bed rest in August. Delivered in October. Having a newborn at home kinda hampers on writing, but I'm back at work now and have had time to work on the story more. I will hopefully try to be more diligent and post more often.  
> Here is a what I've been working on for the last few weeks. Since it's Valentine's Day and all, enjoy some smut.

“Where were you?” Dorian was instantly by my side as soon as I reemerged into the hall.   
“I needed some air.”  
Dorian exhaled sharply, “You can’t run off like that. We were all panicked when we couldn’t find you!”  
I stopped and faced my distressed friend to place a reassuring hand on his arm, “Dorian, I...I’m sorry.”  
The mage took an exhaling breath and smirked, “It’s perfectly alright, you’re here and you’re in one piece. Everything is fine.”  
“Good. Did I miss anything?”  
Dorian tilted his head, “Well, Varric put on quite the recanting tale of Cassandra saving us all from a bear in the Hinterlands and another one of Sebastian and Hawke getting drinks in Kirkwall.”  
“Oh, Maker,” I sighed.   
“Also, your husband-to-be is looking for you.”  
As soon as Dorian spoke the words, I met Sebastian's eyes from across the hall.   
“And he found me,” I said quietly so only my friend could hear as I watched my betrothed cross the room to meet me.   
“There you are,” he said cheerily and kissed my cheek to put on a show for those who were watching us. “I had wondered where you had gone, darling.”  
I took my cue and smiled brightly at him, “I’ve been around greeting our guests, dear.”  
He mimicked my bright smile and gently grabbed my elbow, “May I speak to you for a moment, alone?”  
“Of course. Excuse me,” I said to Dorian, ceremoniously bowing my head, and let Sebastian lead me out of the large, crowded hall and into a side door to a flight of stairs that took us up to the library. Once we were through the door, he slammed it behind us.   
“Who were you dancing with?” he questioned with a curiously raised brow.   
I cringed at the question. “That was Branson, he is Cullen’s brother. He heard about our happy news and wanted to come congratulate us.”  
“And the blonde woman and child?”  
“Cullen’s sister, Mia, and his niece, Clare.”  
Sebastian sighed and strolled further into the library to lean against the railing overlooking Solas’ former room, his back was to me. The birds from above could be heard nesting and cooing as tiny feathers delicately fell through the air. I watched his body move with each inhale and exhale he took and I counted the seconds until he’d turn back to me.   
“He’s gone and he’s still my competition,” Sebastian sighed, but he didn’t directly speak to me. It was like a thought had slipped his lips.   
I stood still, not sure what to say, or if I needed to say anything at all.   
“You keep running off. Guests are starting to notice,” he said after a moment, but did not turn around.  
“I know, I apologize. This evening has been...eventful, to say the least.”  
I suddenly felt a stirring in the air and took a cautious look around the circular library. There was someone else in the room with us, I could feel their watchful eyes. Why did I agree to meet with Sebastian alone? For all I knew, he devised the plot against me. I eyed Sebastian, seeing if he perhaps felt the stirring as well or if he was anxious at all, but there was no indication of either.  
“Is this how it will be, when we are married?” Sebastian asked, breaking the silence that grew, as he turned to look me in the eyes.  
My thoughts on our intruder suddenly dissipated as I focused all my attention on Sebastian now. “I’m not sure what you mean?” I confessed.  
“Will you always be disappearing? Keeping secrets? I understand in your position, you are privy to such things, but will it always be so when we are wed?”  
I sighed, not knowing how to answer such a question. Giving him any Inquisition information would be like handing it over to him. Would I even trust him enough to include him at the war table?  
“I’m not entirely sure,” I answered. “I would not feel hurt if you did not wish to share Starkhaven secrets with me.”  
“But, you see, I want to. I wouldn’t want to keep anything from you again. I’ve done that already.”  
“Sebastian, I…”  
Our eyes stayed on each other as he took cautious steps towards me until we were toe to toe. There was something picking at the back of my mind, something I knew was direly important, but I could not remember it as I stared into his eyes. He placed a gentle hand against my cheek. It was so soft, warm, and comforting that I laid my cheek into it and closed my eyes, embracing his touch.   
“You are so beautiful,” he whispered..   
“Please, don’t,” I gave him a humorless chuckle. The familiar words echoed through my mind in Cullen's voice.   
“Someone as beautiful and kind hearted as you doesn’t deserve to be so sad.”  
“Maybe I do. You don’t know anything about me or the things that I’ve done,” I took a step back from him. “I’m not the Herald of Andraste. Andraste had nothing to do with this,” I said as I raised my arm to show him the mark starting to pulsate. “It’s slowly killing me, you know, I can feel it doing so everyday.”  
“Surely you don’t know that,” he said as his brows knitted together.  
I turned from him and skimmed my finger across a row of books. “I’ve read every book in this library, and the libraries at the Winter Palace and Denerim as well. None of them contained an answer to the mark, or how to cure myself of it. I can feel it, whatever it is, crawling up my arm and causing unmeasured havoc...it’s not going to stop.”  
I hadn’t talked to anyone about this, aside from Cullen. We both spent copious amounts of time trying to find answers, only to find none. Not even Dorian knew of my impending fate that only seemed to worsen since the death of my husband.  
Sebastian suddenly, but softly, placed a warm hand on my shoulder to spin me around to face him once more. “We can find answers...together. Just you and me.”

Perhaps it was the cups of wine, the danger of the night, Cullens look alike brother, or the series of events that brought us together that made me rashly leap towards him to put his lips to mine. He stood stock still, hands frozen in the air, unaware of what to do in that moment until he suddenly blinked away the shock and wrapped his warm arms around my cold body and kissed me back with just as much fervor.   
I had often forgotten that Sebastian was not always a devout Chantry brother. A few nights after his proposal, when I significantly sobered up, he told me about his childhood. His father sent him to the Chantry after too many nights spent with too many women and too much alcohol. Sebastian knew what he was doing, even if he was out of practice.   
Sebastian pushed us into a corner, against a bookcase, out of eye shot from anyone who might venture this far from the party. The candle light did not reach us, but we didn’t need it. We felt our way in the dark. Our hands skimmed across each others bodies, causing the friction between us to rise. My breathing became hitched and ragged and I suddenly felt the desire to feel him inside me. Our lips continued to crash together as his breathing increased as well and I could sense his desire for me too. I hastily unbuttoned his intricate, gold laced vest and untucked his shirt from his pants as he followed my lead and suddenly pulled up the train and skirt of my velvet dress. Sebastians warm, smooth hands lingered up my thigh to my silky underclothes.   
He pulled away from my lips to examine what his fingertips felt: intricately weaved, thin, red Orlesian lace lingerie. He bit his lower lip in response as a low, hungry growl left him and it vibrated deep in my chest. His lips met my cheek and ventured to my ear. “I hope this wasn’t expensive,” he murmured as he gently tugged on the lingerie.  
“I’d imagine so, it was a gift from Celene,” I whispered back before he suddenly ripped the fabric away in a single handed swoop.   
“I’ll replace it,” he spoke slowly as his kisses traveled down my neck to the top of my full breasts. As his hands cupped my backside, he pushed himself closer to me and I could feel his bulge harden against my pelvis. I felt the familiar slickness start to build in my core and I began to involuntarily gyrate my hips against him.  
I could sense Sebastian grin against my sensitive skin as he let my backside go to slowly push down the dress from my shoulders and arms. With the silk lingerie gone, I was naked under the velvet garment. The soft, plush fabric set my skin aflame from the feel alone and my nipples hardened as the front of the dress slowly sank below my breasts to sit at my waist. Standing bare breasted, my eyes adjusted to the darkened corner and I watched as Sebastian examined my body.   
“You are beautiful,” he repeated his previous words as I watched his blue eyes sparkle with admiration.   
I felt the blush rise in my cheeks and I turned my eyes away from his adoring gaze.  
He softly grabbed my chin so our eyes met again, “You are beautiful.”  
“Sebastian, please…” my voice was soft as I tried to pull away from him.  
“I’ll spend the rest of my life worshiping your entire body.”   
The words were genuine, I knew it the moment they left his lips.   
With a confidence I hadn’t felt for a long while, I abruptly pushed the gown down the rest of my body until it pooled at my feet so I stood naked before the prince. I watched as his eyes skimmed up and down my body, taking in every shadowed angle he could commit to memory.   
“Take off your pants,” my voice was husky in the space between us as I gave the order.   
Sebastian's blue eyes were set ablaze. He gave a wicked smile and teasingly began undoing the leather cord to his trousers with nimble fingers.  
I watched his flirtatious show appraisingly as he watched me. He was enjoying this as much as I was.   
When the cord was fully undone, Sebastian started to slide the slacks down, but I quickly grabbed his wrists to stop him. His eyes met mine, questioning. I shook my head and gave him a wicked smile in reply before placing my hands on his hips to push the fabric down myself. Excruciatingly slow, I tugged his pants and undergarments down until they slipped to the tops of his formal boots. My hands worked their way back up his thighs, feeling the sinewy flesh beneath my fingers, to his firm and round backside, and finally around to his freed length. Softly, and hesitantly, I wrapped my hand around his hard, velvety cock and began to slowly stroke him. Sebastian replied appreciatively with a soft groan in my ear as he leaned against my body.   
His scent filled my nostrils as my shyness slowly started to dissipate with each jerk of my hand. The more his breath became ragged and hit my cold skin with a puff of heat, the more I felt my own desire grow for him. With one arm holding himself propped up on the bookcase, his other wrapped around my waist, making my chilled, naked body warm. I appreciated his touch, more than he probably knew. As I continued to please him, I could sense his climax beginning to rise and wished so badly for him to touch me as well.   
“Sebastian,” I let out in a breathy sigh. “Please.”  
His full lips caught me off guard as they met mine and he kissed me with an eagerness I’ve never felt from anyone I’d ever kissed before; as if he was lost in a current and I was the only thing keeping him afloat.   
Suddenly his rough hands began to skim down my shoulders and arms, making my skin prickle under his touch, until I let go of his member and he took both my hands into his. With a playful roughness, Sebastian raised my arms above my head and against the bookcase, keeping them together at the wrist with a single, strong hand. He grinned at me before cupping my breast and taking my nipple between his teeth. Flirtatiously, he bit, nipped, sucked, and licked until it was hard and overly sensitive, and I moaned longingly in response. He let out a breathy chuckle before abandoning one nipple for the other to replicate the same maneuvers until my legs quivered beneath me. I was thankful Sebastian was able to keep me upright at my wrists, or else my legs might have given out from under me and I’d be left on the cold library floor.   
I tried to keep quiet in the dark nook of the abandoned library, trying not to draw attention to us from anyone who might be passing by from the party below. I knew I shouldn’t have been alone when someone was out to kill me, and being here, naked and vulnerable, with Sebastian made me an even easier target. But in this moment I did not care. I needed this. I needed to feel something other than pain, sadness, and loneliness. I let all the caution that I clung onto go and let the carnal needs of my body lead.  
“I need you,” my raspy words broke through the quiet darkness of the library.  
Without hesitation, Sebastian let go of the hard nipple between his teeth and released my wrists. He wrapped my arms around his neck and lifted me against the bookcase. My shoulder blades painfully knocked against the hard wood shelf, but I didn’t care about the bruise that it’d no doubt leave behind. I instinctively parted my thighs and rested my legs on his hips as he held me up with complete ease. My heartbeat accelerated so quickly that I felt my pulse in my ears and my whole body felt as if it were on fire.  
Unceremoniously, Sebastian's throbbing cock welcomely plunged into my sensitive, dripping slit. As my body accepted his entire abrupt length, my head snapped back, making it thump against the corner of the shelf.  
“Are you okay?” he suddenly stopped all movement and asked, knitting his brows together with concern.   
I gave a breathy laugh in response and nodded. “Keep...going…” I said through heavy sighs, not wanting the friction between my legs to stop. I shifted my hips as a sign to continue before I whispered, “Please.”  
He followed my command and penetrated me again, and again, and again. I couldn’t stifle the moan that suddenly left my lips as I welcomed each blow he gave me. Sebastian grunted and moaned beside me as well, taking as much pleasure from this as I was. Hearing him enjoy himself made me feel all the more aroused. I was doing this to him; making his cheeks warm and flustered, making his body quiver, making his breath quicken. My body tensed in response as I felt the familiar release start to build deep within me.   
“Yes...yes…” I whimpered as I arched my back, embracing each steady thrust.

Sebastian unexpectedly covered my mouth with his warm hand. I hadn’t realized my eyes were tightly closed until they popped open to examine his eyes. Letting go of my mouth, he placed a finger against his lips as a sign to keep quiet. I nodded in response and listened.   
Light footsteps echoed through the library, but I was unsure where they were coming from. Since the three story tower was open in the middle, it could have been on any of the floors. We waited in the dark, his length still in me, and I was grateful he still held me up. My muscles were so relaxed that I was sure I wouldn’t have been able to stand on my own.   
Hastily, my mind picked at a thought somewhere deep inside me. Something that was vital. I felt all the air leave my lungs as I remembered what it was. There was somebody in the library with us, watching us, when we first entered.   
Sebastian must have felt my body go stiff because his eyes questionably met mine. I tapped his arm, requesting to be put down. All desire that I might have felt was suddenly gone. He swiftly pulled out of me and carefully set me on the ground. I bent down, lifted and stepped into my dress, and pulled it up and over me. Sebastian followed my lead and pulled his trousers back up as well. We quietly got dressed in the dark library corner, all longing desire gone. We didn’t even look at each other.   
I racked my mind for the quickest, and most inconspicuous, route back to my chambers before I remembered Mia and Claire were there behind several Inquisition guards. I needed to be alone, even if it was dangerous for me to be. Then it hit me. The one place I knew no one would ever venture, where no one has ventured since his death, and where I could get to without anyone seeing me. I gathered my elegant shoes, the shambles of the lace lingerie, and darted for the door.


	20. Lay Me Down

As I climbed the last rung of the ladder that led me up to Cullen’s former room, my heart instantly sunk at the view. The room was already in disarray when Cullen lived in it, but it drastically declined since his death. More of the roof had caved in, leaving a remarkable view of the night sky above me. The flora over grew the entire room and not much had gone untouched from the elements. I took careful steps across the creaky, old wood floor until I reached the bed and took a seat. The bed was damp from the open night sky and smelled of the earth.   
No matter how many times I insisted Cullen to get a new room, or at least let us repair the roof, he always refused. He was just as stubborn as Cassandra in the matters of room and board. As long as he had a bed to sleep in, nothing else mattered. I could tell he was sometimes uncomfortable even sleeping in my quarters, especially in the beginning of our relationship. Once he told me that he appreciated the hole, especially when he had nightmares of his time at the Circle Tower.   
When Iron Bull took over the role of Commander, he insisted that he would keep his old space with the Chargers in the Herald’s Rest. Like the chapel, Cullen’s room was left untouched to everyone, except for me as of late.   
It was here where I could think. If my assassins found me, I’d be content with my demise sitting right here in this spot. The night had taken so many unexpected turns that I was still trying to catch up, and Sebastian was at the forefront of my mind. With my head dizzy from everything that occurred in the last few hours, I fell back onto the bed and laid half naked underneath the stars. 

******************************

He woke from another nightmare, sweat beaded at his forehead and he clenched the bedsheets with white knuckles.   
“Cullen?” I asked from across the room where I was smoothing out my hair into a braid in the looking glass.   
He didn’t answer, instead he laid in bed and stared up at the sky through the cracked ceiling.   
“Cullen?” I asked again, this time standing to walk to him.  
He suddenly jumped and gave me wide eyes at my movement, but quickly relaxed and blinked away his alarm. “Sorry,” he muttered sorrowfully.   
I reached the bed and sat cross-legged beside him as he composed himself. “You don’t need to apologize,” I remarked with a smirk to show that no feelings were hurt.   
Our relationship was still new, Corypheus defeated less than a week prior, and I was still healing from the battle. Skyhold was quiet in the past days, solders weren’t training and all paperwork piled up while we all celebrated and took a much deserved rest. Our battle was over, but our mission for a better Thedas wasn’t. We were just getting started and today was the day to start. The council was to meet at the war table to go over details. But Cullen was visibly struggling.   
“You aren’t expected to sit in today at the table if you aren’t-”  
“I’m fine,” Cullen stated with more gusto than was needed.   
My forehead crinkled. “Cullen,” I started, but was cut off again.   
“I’m fine.”  
After a few minutes of silence had passed, I carefully took his rough hand into mine and stroked the top of it with my thumb. “You don’t have to pretend with me,” I said gently.   
He sighed heavily and sat up to be knee to knee in front of me. Taking my hand into his now, Cullen absentmindedly drew invisible shapes on my palm. I didn’t push for conversation or explanation. I was perfectly content in just being with him, in his room, with the sun above us and a bed below us. I watched his face, but his eyes didn’t reach mine. He looked sad and vulnerable when he thought no one was looking, but I knew the horrors he faced at the Circle Tower and in Kirkwall and how his mistakes haunted him. I always tried to picture the man he would have been if those events had never happened to him. Would he be who he is today, would I love him all the same? It made me sad, but also joyous. Everything that we both went through lead us to each other.   
Suddenly, his honey eyes caught me staring and his cheeks flushed as he gave me a half smirk.  
“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “The nightmares are coming more often and I suspect the withdrawal of lyrium has something to do with that.”   
“I can’t imagine how difficult this all must be for you, Cullen. Thank you for putting the Inquisition above your own needs, even if it causes you pain.”  
“It needed to be done, I know, I just sometimes wish…”  
Biting my lip, I knew exactly what he wanted to say. “Is there anything I can do to help?” I asked, trying to take his mind away from it.   
He gave me a warm smile, “Just having you here is all I need.”  
I softly snorted, “I think we both know that’s not exactly true.”  
Cullen tilted his head as if he were examining me in the new light of the day. Letting my palm go, he reached his hand up to brush my cheek with his finger. I closed my eyes and smiled at the welcome affection. All of the sudden, he swiftly pulled the tie away from my side braid and jostled the strands free until my hair was loose and curtained the side of my face. “There,” he said warmly, satisfied with his work.   
I wrinkled my nose and gave him a playful sneer. “Now I’ll definitely be late to the meeting.”   
Cullen gave a throaty hum that reverberated through me. “Now, that’s the perk of being the boss, meetings can’t begin without you,” he remarked before lifting my hand to his lips to kiss each finger pad as his eyes slitted flirtatiously at me.   
“Was there something you needed to discuss with me, Commander?” I challenged with a mischievous smile.   
“Indeed there is, Inquisitor. Something of the utmost urgent matter, in fact,” he replied, softly nipping my finger that sent a shock through my body.   
“I see,” I quipped as I took a peek at the bulge that was quickly forming under the thin white sheet. “It is quite the serious matter that should be attended to quickly and thoroughly…”   
Taking a moment to pull the thin cotton sheath up my body and over my head, both of my hands now playfully crawled up Cullens shins as he pushed the sheet aside to spread his legs out on either side of me. I took a moment to appreciate the view of the fully naked man that owned my heart as he casually lounged on the bed before me. My hands continued on their course, past his knees and onwards to his muscular thighs. Cullen sighed with what sounded like contentment as I reached his member and delicately wrapped my hand around it.   
As I started to stroke his velvet appendage, Cullen languidly threw his head back and let out an unhindered moan.   
“Shhh,” I smirked as I continued the up and down motion, feeling him grow harder in my hand. “Jim might hear you.”  
He took a sharp inhale of air before he answered, “I don’t care what Jim hears.”  
“Oh,” I questioned with a curiously raised brow, “Is that so?”   
Cullen lifted his head back to look me in the eyes now. “What are you thinking?”  
Without removing my hand, I swung my legs out and folded them beneath me so I was now on my knees, and carefully bent down before him. Softly, I kissed the tip of his erection before taking his whole length into my mouth.   
“Oh, Maker,” Cullen exclaimed after making a guttural moan so loud that it echoed off the walls.   
My head bobbed in his lap as my lips formed a perfect ‘O’ around his satin shaft. Cullen continued his breathy moans and, with no hesitation, entangled his hands on both sides of my head to keep me in pace with the way he now thrusted his hips.   
“Mmm,” I muffled a sigh, feeling my own pleasure begin to grow between my thighs. Watching Cullen let go and enjoy himself made him look younger and softer, and it made me love him all the more.   
Keeping his erection between my lips, I wrapped one hand around the base of his cock and stroked it in the same motion as my mouth did midshaft for double the sensation. Cullen’s breathing hitched in reply. My free hand ventured to the apex of my thighs and, with lithe fingers, I began to rub my sensitive, throbbing clit. I couldn’t stop the suppressed moan that left me as I arched my back when the electric jolt of bliss filled my body, from fingers to toes.   
I felt Cullen stiffen beneath me, no longer rutting his hips in rhythm, when he heard my own satisfaction. Taking a moment to swallow the saliva that welled in my mouth, I peered up to find Cullen watching me with admiration. I gave him a warm smile before I playfully nipped the tip of his erection.   
“Ahh,” he chuckled and moaned in reply.   
My fingertips continued to massage my bud, trading between circular and straight motions, as Cullen intently watched me. I carried on jerking him as well and both my arms started to become sore from the constant movement between them, but I did not slow my pace. It took little stimulation before I felt my climax begin to rise. My toes involuntarily curled and my eyes were tightly shut as I couldn’t prevent the moans that left my body. Taking a chance glimpse at Cullen, my cheeks scorched under his honey gaze and I abruptly and desperately needed to have all of him inside me.   
“Mmmm, Cullen...I...ahh...need you,” I panted as I let his appendage go and climbed up his body. With strong hands, Cullen held onto my hips as I carefully lifted myself above his cock and slowly took his entire length into my slit.   
“Ahh!” I cried out as I felt euphoria fill my body. Instinctively, I began to rut up and down, trying to create friction between our most sensitive areas. My ass slapped against Cullens thighs in my up and down motion, making it echo loudly in the square room above his office.  
Letting my hips go, Cullen took both of my breasts into his rough and warm hands, squeezing in different variants. He leaned forward and took a nipple between his teeth and carefully bit down. An electric shock traveled down my spine and I threw my head back as I continued to ride him. Cullen’s day old scruff chafed bitterly against my sensitive breasts as he moved on to the next nipple and bit down on that one as well.   
It wasn’t long before I felt the familiar ache in my nether region and I could no longer hold back my building release. My pace quickened and Cullen took heed, letting go of my breasts to cup my hip bones once more. He now thrusted up each time I came down on his shaft, going much deeper into me than I had just on my own. I gripped his shoulders to steady myself as I welcomed each slam of his cock into my dripping pussy.   
All of a sudden, Cullen sat up and wrapped his arms around my waist as he got on his knees atop the bed. I instinctively wrapped my aching arms around his neck for support as Cullen took each of my ass cheeks into his hands and started vigorously ramming into me.   
I nuzzled his neck, inhaling his familiar scent. “I’m...going to...mmmh,” I started to whimper to my lover as my body began to quiver.  
“Come for me,” he commanded.  
I welcomed my climax as it exploded through every vein and bone in my body. Involuntarily, my body convulsed against Cullen and I was glad he had a strong hold on me.   
He produced a low groan in my ear and I knew he was finding his own release as well. His body shuddered and his cock twitched as he filled me with his seed. Breathing deeply, Cullen kept a steady hold on me as both of our tense bodies started to relax into the after-orgasm elation. 

We both started to chuckle as Cullen slowly lowered me onto the bed and laid down beside me. We stretched our stiff limbs and cuddled into one another.  
“That was...mmm,” Cullen hummed as he peacefully closed his eyes and sleepily rubbed my shoulder.   
“Hmm, yes it was,” I agreed.   
“What was that for?” he asked with a husky voice.  
I sighed and twisted my head up to see his face. His eyes popped open to look back at me. “Because I love you,” I answered simply.   
“I love-” as Cullen began, the door to his office below us opened with a high pitched squeak.   
“Commander, I have the report you requested from...Commander?”   
Jim’s familiar voice echoed up the ladder to the room.  
“Maker take you, Jim. Leave it on the desk and get out of here!” Cullen yelled down to the soldier as I tried to muffle my giggles with the bed linen.   
Cullen gave me a sideways glance. “What’s so funny?” he asked as he relaxed upon hearing the door groan shut below.   
“Poor Jim,” I chuckled.  
Cullen sighed and gave a bright smile as he rolled his eyes, “That man has the worst timing.”  
“He must be so frightened of you.”  
“I’m not frightening, am I?”

****************************

The unexpected pain jolted me awake as it shot up my arm, across my shoulders, and through my entire body. The anchor throbbed and crackled as it emitted the familiar green light through the room.   
“AHH!” I cried out in pain and I curled my body around my hand. My breath came fast as I tried to reign in some of the pain, but I was just becoming lightheaded.   
“Mmm, mmm,” I grunted in the eerily illuminated room. “Someone, please!” I managed to squeal out.   
A large, shadowed figure suddenly came into view as my vision dimmed and I fell into a dreamless unconsciousness.


	21. Confession and Preparation

“She’s waking,” a familiar voice echoed in my head.  
“Stand back, give her some air,” said another.  
With more work than it should’ve been, my eyes popped open and I blinked rapidly until my vision was no longer blurry. Dorian, Cassandra, Iron Bull, and Mia stood over me.  
“Where am I?” I croaked.  
“Have a sip of water,” Dorian said softly as he sat carefully beside me, he lifted my chin up and tilted a cup to my lips.   
The water, although refreshing, stung at my bitterly dry throat.   
“You are in your quarters. You are safe,” Cassandra answered my question on the other side of me.  
“Aunty, are you alright?” Clare’s soft voice squeaked at the end of my bed and I looked down to find her big eyes red-rimmed.   
Although I didn’t feel it, I gave her a forced smile, “Yes, of course, sweetie. I’m just tired, that’s all.”  
“See, she’s fine, Clare. Now, go back to reading by the fire and let us talk,” Mia said as she patted her daughter's shoulder to reassure her.  
Clare glanced at me once more before seeming satisfied, then she turned from the bed to skip to the wing-backed chair in front of the fireplace.  
“What’s going on, Boss? You’re not telling us something.” The Iron Bull stood protectively at the foot of my bed with his arms crossed across his broad chest.   
I didn’t realize I had been staring at Clare’s dangling feet swaying in rhythm until he spoke, and my head snapped in his direction. With a sudden realization, as he loomed over me, I realized Bull was the one who found me in Cullen’s room, half dressed. I immediately felt embarrassed and raised the bed sheet, that had been laid over me, up to my chin as I cautiously sat up.   
I felt uncomfortable with all eyes on me and I chose not to pick a single pair to look at.   
“We...didn’t want to tell anyone. Worry anyone, really. Cullen and I, we...well,” I stuttered, trying to find the right words.  
“Out with it, Trevelyan,” Dorian spoke sternly next to me.   
“The mark...the anchor...this blasted thing is, uh, k-killing me. Slowly,” I gulped.  
The room went silent and I took a chance glance to my friends. Each one of their faces were set into different variations of emotion. Mia gently wiped away tears from her cheeks and sniffed. Cassandra and Bulls faces were stone-like, not showing any definite emotion, but couldn’t hide the sadness in their eyes. I saved Dorian for last...but he looked away from me.   
“I’m sorry for not telling any of you, I just...didn’t want to burden you with something that cannot be fixed. We looked, you see, Cullen and I,” I couldn’t hide the quiver in my voice as I tried to hold my own tears back, “There’s nothing to be done. I feel the mark starting to spread and I suspect…once it reaches my heart, if it hasn’t already…” I drifted off.   
“How could you not tell me?” Dorian finally turned my way and I saw the tears well in his eyes.  
“Dorian, I-I’m sorry. I wanted to, several times, I just...couldn’t.”  
“I could have helped, found a way to save you,” my friend strongly clasped my hand. “You didn’t have to be alone in this, especially after Cullen died.”  
“He’s right,” Cassandra said from my other side, and I turned to look at her. “We could have helped.”  
“Yeah, you shouldn't have kept this hidden from us,” Bull chimed in as well.   
“We need you...not just all of us in this room or at this keep, but Ferelden...Orlais...all of Thedas needs you, needs the Inquisition, needs the Inquisitor,” Mia stood with a new found enthusiasm. “We’re not going to let you go so easily, sister. We’ll fight for you.”  
I wiped away the tears that had fallen from my eyes as I looked at each of my friends and smiled.  
“So, where do be begin?” Cassandra started.  
“I’ll go to Tevinter and see if I can find answers there,” Dorian replied.  
“We still have the assassin to deal with,” Bull interjected. “I’ll stay here and keep the Inquisitor safe.”  
“Clare and I will stay here to help in any way that we can,” Mia added.  
“No,” my voice was sterner than I had planned it to be. “I appreciate all of this, that you want to help, but this is why I didn’t tell any of you. I don’t want you disrupting your lives for me. There’s no cure, no way to save me. Please, just stop this.”  
“Inquisitor, be rational. Let us-” Cassandra begun, but I lifted my hand in protest.  
“No more, please. Just let me go. I’m...ready to go.”  
Dorian looked at me with a horrified expression. “Surely you can’t mean that, not after everything.”  
My brows knitted together as I looked at him, “After everything? After all the tragedy that I continue to live through, my death would be a welcome reprieve from this nightmare I just keep living.”  
My friend shook his head at me and got up from the bed to stand by the fire. He casually looked down at Clare, who looked up at him and gave a wide smile. He did the same before turning to look at the flames.  
Cassandra awkwardly cleared her throat. “What shall we tell Sebastian?”  
“Nothing. Sebastian already knows. If he chooses to stand at the alter tomorrow, I will as well.”  
“This...is...madness! All of this!” Dorian exclaimed as he threw his arms up in the air and sauntered back towards the bed. “What is the point of a marriage if you’re just going to keel over?”  
“Sebastian is...he’s...a good person. And I feel like he genuinely cares for me, actually. If he needs me, even for just a short amount of time, to take back what’s rightfully his, than...I am willing to give it to him. Whatever he needs. Our marriage would provide him some power and sway.”  
Dorian let out an overly enthusiastic laugh. “You’ve clearly gone mad! Do you hear yourself?”  
I sighed, “I haven’t worked out all the details, yet.”  
“Let me: you are going to marry Sebastian tomorrow to give him power to take Starhaven back, and any other country or city-state he so chooses, and then you’ll die and everything we did was for naught.”  
“None of this was for naught. We did exactly what we set out to do. The Inquisition will live on without me. It was never about me, it was about all of you coming together to save Thedas. I just had the key to do it. Now that the rift is closed, I am not important.”  
“If I will,” Cassandra interrupted our spat, I had forgotten other people were in the room, “Dorian is right. This plan is...foolish. I know I brought Sebastian here and I regret that immensely, but to just throw all of this away. To not even fight for your life. I admit, I don’t understand it.”  
“What life?” I cried out. “Sifting through paperwork that means nothing to me? Drinking enough alcohol to tranquilize a druffalo just so I no longer feel pain from the mark? Sitting in on pointless meetings on what noble is upset with another and what I’m going to do to fix it? It’s meaningless, all of it! I don’t care about any of it if Cullen’s not here…” Laying my head in my hands, I erupted into tears when I finished my outburst.  
I didn’t know she had walked over to me until I felt the side of the bed dip and a warm hand caress my shoulder, “If there’s one thing I know to be true, Cullen wouldn’t want any of this for you. He would want you to keep fighting for your life and for the Inquisition. He cared for both of you so very much.” Mia smiled at me when I peeked up at her.  
“He’s gone, Mia...I can’t do this without him anymore,” I sobbed.  
Cullen’s sister pulled me close and wrapped her arms around me as I crumbled.   
“I miss him too,” was all she said as she patted my hair.

A sudden knock came from the chamber door. Bull casually walked from the side of my bed, down the small set of stairs, and talked softly to whomever was there.   
“Boss, you have a visitor,” Bull announced as he came back into the room.  
Before I could ask who, Sebastian appeared at the top of the stairs. His deep blue eyes took in the room and what had must felt like a range of emotions, and he quickly bowed and started to turn away.  
“Sorry to interrupt, I’ll come back.”   
“No, stay, please, since you apparently knew what was going on before the rest of us,” Dorian spoke sarcastically.   
Sebastian nodded, knowingly. “The mark,” he stated flatly.  
“Yet, she still insists on this ludicrous wedding. All at your advantage. But what is she getting out of this union, Prince Sebastian? Because in a matter of days, weeks, or months, it won’t even matter, apparently.” Dorian wasn’t holding back.  
“Dorian!” I scolded.   
“I would much rather discuss this with my fiancee,” Sebastian started as he received glares from my companions, “But, I see that that will not be happening.” He cleared his throat and came towards the bed.   
Mia let me go and stood back as I sniffed away my tears and patted down my out of control hair. Taking a cautious seat next to me, Sebastian took my hand into his.   
“Quite honestly, I have wondered the same thing myself. I am not offering anything to you. Why are you marrying me?”  
My forehead wrinkled at his question, and everyone in the room was eagerly waiting for a reply. I swallowed back the lump that had formed in my throat. “You make me feel things I haven’t felt since…” I couldn’t say his name. “I didn’t want to admit it, I couldn’t really, not to myself or anyone else. But, I don’t want to fight it, not anymore, not in the last moments of my life. I’d rather spend this time with someone who will make me feel something, instead of wasting away at the bottom of a bottle and feel nothing.” My voice cracked and tears welled in my eyes. “With all my faults, you still chose to love me.”  
Sebastian opened his mouth to say something then, but I put my fingers to his lips to stop him. “Please, don’t say anything. Maybe you haven’t even realized it yourself yet. But I can see it in your eyes when you look at me. There’s something there. Something more than an arranged marriage.”  
I took his hands into mine now and smiled as best I could, “So that’s why I am marrying you tomorrow. Because even though you might not see it, and probably doubt it, you make me happy.”  
Sebastian gave me a warm smile in reply and kissed my cheek. Feeling his prickled cheek against mine reminded me of our unfinished business and a shiver traveled through me at his touch.  
Dorian suddenly shifted from the corner of my eye and I turned to see him starting for the stairs.   
“Dorian?” I called out. “Where are you going?”  
My friend flung his arms in the air as he paused at the top of stairs to glance at me, “To bed. I must look my best if we’re to have a wedding tomorrow.”

 

The dress Josephine had ordered was more magnificent than I had ever dreamed, or really wanted. However, I let her have full reign of the wedding. It was completely opposite of my wedding to Cullen. Then, I was bruised and limping in a borrowed dress, now I was dying in a flashy new dress. My heart broke at the thought, but I pushed back the memories as best I could.  
I sat half naked in my undergarments at my preparation table as Josephine and Dorian worked on my hair. My friends covered my looking glass with a throw and wouldn’t let me look at myself until I was completely ready. They chatted and remarked on who they were excited to see at the reception or how they should do my makeup. Both of them started picking at strands of hair when a guard appeared at the stairs.   
“Visitor for you, Inquisitor.”   
“Who is it?” Josephine questioned. “The Inquisitor is quite busy.”  
“A friend who’d like to see the blushing bride.”  
Her voice was a familiar one. How could it not be when she was one of the first people I met at Haven?   
The Divine stepped around the guard and came towards me. Ceremoniously, I stood and bowed, as did Dorian and Josephine.   
Leliana laughed, “Please, there’s no need for all that. In this room, we are just old friends.”   
I smiled genuinely as I rose and took her into my arms for a hug.   
“I’ve missed you,” I whispered so only she could hear.   
I felt Leliana chuckle and she reciprocated the hug. “I’ve missed you too. Now,” she started, grabbing my shoulders and pushing me out in front of her to inspect, “let me look at you.”  
Her familiar eyes studied me and she suddenly smiled warmly. “Beautiful,” she simply stated. “Before I forget, I brought you a present.”  
I didn’t notice before the box the guard was holding in his arms. Leliana gracefully walked over and took the box from him to bring it over to me. Carefully, I opened the lid to find a pair of stunning, white silk shoes with blue bows on the back of the heels.   
“Oh, Leliana, they’re gorgeous!” I exclaimed as I took the shoes from the box to examine them further.   
“Aren’t they? They’re from my favorite shoe store in Orlais, next to the bakery with the most delicious petit fours.”  
“They must have cost a fortune, Leliana. I cannot accept such a gift.” I said as I put the shoes back in the box, not wanting to damage them.   
“Of course you can, and you will. You deserve it.”  
I started to snicker, but she suddenly grabbed my arm.   
“You’ve done much for the Chantry. Besides, it is a gift from the most holy Divine. I insist,” she smirked.  
I snorted a laugh, “Very well, then.”  
“They will go perfectly with the dress!” Josephine suddenly exclaimed as she now came closer to examine the shoes.   
“Mmhmm, I knew you’d love them, Josie.”  
“Let me show you the dress!” Josephine exclaimed as Leliana followed her into the changing room beside the bed. 

I couldn’t help but smile watching my friends come together and laugh. It made all of this effort worth it, just to see everyone happy.  
“How are you holding up?” Dorian asked before he took a sip of wine.  
My head snapped in his direction and I still held my grin as I took a seat back at my dressing table “Very well, actually.”  
“Yes, I can see that,” he said as he put his cup down and came over to me to squat down so we were eye to eye. “Although I don’t agree with any of this, I just want you to be happy.”  
“I am happy.”  
Dorian’s brows suddenly furrowed, “What if…” he started, but quickly shook his head. “Nevermind.”  
“What is it? What if what?” I asked as my forehead crinkled.   
“I...might have found something, that we discussed before I left for Tevintor,” he hesitated.  
I racked my brain for a distant conversation that felt like a lifetime ago. So much had happened between then and now. “What conversation?”  
“You had asked me if it were possible to travel back-”

A sudden knock came from the door and Sebastian started up the stairs. “I know it’s not customary to-OH!” he exclaimed as he entered the room to find Dorian and I together. “I did not realize you had company. I’ll leave you be, excuse me.” He bowed gracefully before starting back down the stairs.  
“Sebastian, wait!” I shouted, calling him back to the room.  
At my exclamation, Leliana and Josephine appeared back into the room to see what was going on, and Dorian stood up and backed away.  
“Really, it’s not important, I see you’re busy getting ready and,” Sebastian was taking in the members of the room when he suddenly recognized Leliana and bowed, “Oh, your most holiness, I did not see you.”  
Leliana giggled slightly. “It’s alright, Prince Sebastian. I must excuse myself anyways, duty calls. Please excuse me,” she said as she bowed, “I will see you later.”  
Josephine bowed now to, “I will give you two a moment. Excuse me.”  
Dorian watched them leave, but hesitated next to me.   
“Dorian, you were trying to tell me something?” I asked.  
“I, uh, yes...but, it can wait.”   
I had never seen Dorian like this, uncertain and inelegant.   
“Are you sure? Is everything alright?”  
He suddenly snapped back from wherever his mind had gone, “Yes, of course. Before I forget, I have a gift for you too.” Dorian pulled a small leather pouch from his inner coat pocket and gently took my hands to fold the pouch into my clasp. He kissed my cheek and quietly left the room.

“What was that about?” Sebastian asked, raising a brow.  
“I haven’t the faintest clue,” I said as I examined the pouch, but did not open it.  
Sebastian sighed, which brought my mind back to him, “I’m sorry to have interrupted you. I know it’s bad luck to see the bride before the ceremony, but...I needed to see you.”   
“You’re backing out.” It wasn’t a question.  
Sebastian’s eyes widened, “Oh, no! Nothing like that!” He grabbed both my hands and pulled me out of my chair and over to the bed, where we both took a seat, hand in hand. For whatever reason, the leather bag weighed heavily in my palm. I was anxious to open it.   
“I have been thinking, about what you said last night,” he took a deep breath, “and you’re right. I might not have realized it, but I think I have...fallen...for you.”  
“Sebastian, I-”  
“You don’t need to say anything. I know the feeling isn’t quite mutual. Just knowing that I make you happy is enough.”  
“Why are you telling me this now, when we’re to be married in a matter of hours? It could have waited.”  
He smiled, “Today will be hectic, to say the least. We won’t have a moment to ourselves. I just wanted you to know, before going into this, what you really do mean to me.”  
I genuinely smiled before wrapping my arms around his neck and leaped into his arms. He fell backwards onto the bed and I laid on top of him.   
“Whoa!” he laughed as he wrapped his arms around my waist to keep me steady.  
I suddenly realized I was half naked and giggled wildly.  
“What’s so funny?” he asked.  
“This is very inappropriate. I am half naked and need to be getting ready for this wedding.”   
Sebastian grinned, “I don’t mind. Besides, the bride is supposed to be fashionably late.”  
I smiled, “Yes, but the groom is not.”  
It was in this moment, when our eyes met and his arms were tightly wrapped around me, that I could see an actual future with this man. Not just a whirlwind romance that would be over before it even began, but a life, a real life. I examined him as he examined me and I wondered what he saw when he looked into my eyes.   
Slowly, I closed my eyes and leaned forward until our lips met and I softly kissed him. He was surprised at first, but quickly reciprocated. He was warm and soft and welcoming. He was everything I needed right now.   
We were soft and slow, not feeling the need to speed up, knowing we had time for that later, once the wedding was over. His hands moved from my back to my waist, up my arms and shoulders. Swiftly, he rolled us over so now he was on top and I wrapped my legs around his waist and locked my arms around his neck. I sighed pleasantly, not wanting to end our sliver of a moment, when it was just him and I and no prying eyes to put on a show for.   
Time passed, and I was unsure how much. Reluctantly, I pushed away from him.   
Sebastian’s eyes smiled brightly down at me, as did his lips. “That was...nice,” he grinned.  
I smiled and blushed, “It was very...nice.”  
“I should probably go.”  
“You probably should.”  
“Yeah, I should definitely go,” he stared down at me, but didn’t move.   
“We’re going to be late for our own wedding.”  
Sebastian laughed, “They can’t start the wedding without us.”   
I laughed now too, “Sebastian!”  
He sighed playfully and pushed himself up and off the bed before extending his hand to help me up.   
I straightened out his undershirt and fixed his hair before doing the same to myself.   
“Oh, don’t forget your gift from Dorian,” Sebastian remarked as he picked the leather pouch up off the bed and placed it in my hand.   
“See you in a bit,” he smirked and kissed my cheek before leaving me.   
The room felt big and empty by myself. It had been filled with so many friends lately, that I suddenly felt completely alone. Being alone was never good.   
The pouch suddenly felt heavy again in my hand and I anxiously opened it to empty the contents into my palm. The familiar gold coin gleamed up at me and I felt all the air rush out of my body.   
Cullen’s lucky charm was cold and bloodied.


End file.
